Are you okay?

2.2K 27 71
                                    

Right so I wrote this when I was still in 7th grade and my insecure ass didn't have the audacity to publish it until now so here is what my weird ass self writes at 3am. (I can just tell the time it was written just by looking at the context of my writing shush)

T/n = teacher's name

song : I can't carry this anymore- Anson Seabra

(warning) Not heavily edited .

//////////////////////////////

"MOTHER PLEASE STOP!!" 

 With tears threatening to fall down your face, you slam the door behind you with force. Although you slammed it in a force that you weren't exactly satisfied with - you would've had to face more consequences with your mother if you did slam the door hard enough to create a loud thud.  

(Is it just me who has those strict parents who makes sure that their kids never see the next daylight  if they slam the door so hard like what the kids do at movies?)

In the comfort of your own bedroom your mouth quivered and your eyes began to sting. Out then came the tears that you had managed to keep in up until this point.

There you began to sob it all out alone- in your bedroom with no one hearing you.
You don't like crying in front of people. You thought it was a sign of weakness and tried so hard not to show that you were practically dying.

Your mother had always told you that you would always be alone your entire life. So in that case, you needed to stop being so sensitive and toughen up a bit more.

But how? How can one person not be so sensitive when all they want to do is be someone who isn't so toxic?

Someone who wouldn't leave.
Someone who actually has an audacity to care.
Someone who understands.
Someone who would be there no matter what the circumstances.
Someone who wouldn't get tired of you.
Someone who actually loves you.

You craved for that person yourself, deep down. You really did. You craved for a person who would just prove to you that your mother was wrong about all of this. She was wrong and there is in fact someone out there who actually cares.

They say to 'treat others the way you want to be treated' but it had always seemed to be the case where you'd always get hurt in the end. So of course you've tried to get it together for the past few years of your life pretending everything was fine.

But no, the illusion that you've built for yourself; an illusion that your whole life was fine began to deteriorate.

Ever since the new year began, you've been having more off days than usual. As the days progressed, it has felt like you had lost the feeling of feeling any form of happiness.

There was still a feeling of emptiness that seemed to always remind you every time you actually felt happy.

That persistent thought :
You're alone and always have been.

You craved for a person who would one day understand you for who you are. One day would be the best person you have ever met.

But of course, you were slowly losing hope. As days passed, the years, many people who you considered your best friends walked out your life - leaving when they said they wouldn't.

The hopes of that said person ever coming began to deteriorate bit by bit.

And so here you are, just having another typical off day as
you stare into the ceiling- letting yourself hurt as the tears trickled down.

Crush x reader One ShotsWhere stories live. Discover now