STARS | (editing!)

25*

"See, you've given yourself up. But this is the most powerful thing that can be done: surrender. See. And love is an act of surrender to another person. Total abandonment. I give myself to you." - Alan Watts
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day five - bring back some gummy bears

THE NEXT MORNING I woke up with Caleb's arm resting protectively across my sheet covered chest. His other arm hung off the other side with his cheek against his pillow and his face towards me. His mouth was painted with a slight smile that tugged on the corner of his lips, but otherwise his face was fully relaxed. My mind replayed the memories of last night, me admiring my feelings and Caleb very clearly admitting his own. Then everything else came in flashes as I looked around the room, my shirt thrown near his bedroom door along with his grey sweatpants. I turned back to Caleb to admire his facial features, and his messy hair. Once my hand touched his hair, he began to groan.

His eyes slowly opened, "Hi."

"Hi." I giggled.

Caleb moved to put his other arm under me to embrace me. His head rested in the crook of my neck and he hummed in satisfaction.

"I could with you, here, like this, forever." He hummed again in delight.

"Well unfortunately, that can't happen." I patted his arm, moving to get up.

His arms moved to my hips as soon as I sat up, "No, no, no, stay. I'm cold now, I'll get hypothermia."

"Nice try." I laughed putting my clothes back on.

"Ugh, and she's getting dressed." Caleb mumbled to himself.

"I have to." I spoke softly holding the sides of his face.

"Yeah whatever." Caleb grumbled, removing my hands to flop back down on his bed.

I kissed his cheek and went downstairs into the kitchen. I saw Hailiee sitting at the table on her laptop with a bagel on a plate. I cleared my throat and poured myself a glass of water. I sat in front of Hailiee deciding to start a conversation.

But before I could, she said, "So I guess you had a good night last night."

I scrunched my eyebrows, "I'm sorry?"

"Well last time I saw you, you were in Caleb's room. Now I see you in the morning and you've got hickeys all over your shoulders and neck." She informed.

"What?" I said in a panic and rushed up to the bathroom, not missing the quiet bits of laughter coming from Hailiee.

I pulled down my off the shoulder top down more to examine and see if what she said was true. Spoiler alert: she was right. It looked like a connect the dot on my body.

"Caleb!" I shouted.

"What did I do now?!" He questioned from his room.

"So you and Caleb became one last night hm?" Hailiee asked standing in the doorway.

I turned to her and sighed, "Uh...yeah I-I guess."

"You guess? It sounded like he was murdering you and throwing you on the ground over and over again." Hailiee retorted.

I put my hand in my face and ground, "That is so embarrassing."

"Yeah I bet it was." Hailiee mumbled walking away, "Don't think just because I'm talking to you means I forgive you. You got Caleb to, can't get me to."

I watched her figure walk away from me. I made no effort to follow her.

"She'll come around." Caleb reassured.

Caleb squeezes my shoulders and leaned back taking a second look, "God, it looks like a constellation of hickeys on you."

"You think?" I said tilting my head to the side.

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7:00
30 minutes until Alaina comes

I avoided both Caleb and Hailiee for the rest of the day. I managed to sneak a book bag into one of the two cars Alaina have to us. I just needed to have an excuse ready to go. Leaving was going to be hard. Especially leaving Caleb. I could tell he was trying to avoid me as well. Good on him, he should keep me at arms distance as much as possible.

My mind replayed the look on Hailiee's face when she told me she couldn't forgive me. At least not as easily as Caleb did. I can understand that, I hurt me but I wasn't going to argue about it. It'd all be for nothing anyways.

I looked at my clock;

7:27

Time was flying by faster than I thought. I went from counting days, to hours, to minutes, to seconds and now to milliseconds. I just hoped I wouldn't run into either of them on my way to leave. I decided to not wait until 7:30, but instead start making my way to the car. The house was quiet and it felt lonely. Like nobody but me lived here. The aura it was giving off wasn't so great either.

"I'm going to the store!" I shouted out.

"Wait!" Caleb called back, rushing down the steps, "I'll come with."

"No!" I cleared my throat, "Uhm..I don't really need any help I'm just going to run to the store and grab a candy bar and a bottled water. We don't have any candy and I'm gonna be thirsty when I eat it on the way home."

Caleb was confused for a second, but then realized what I was trying to do, "Oh okay. Just...be careful and, stay safe."

"Of course." I nodded.

Caleb stood there for a moment before pulling me into a hug. Hugging him always made me feel safe.

He whispered, "I love you. And I will get you back. I promise."

I squeezed my eyes shut and forced the tears to go back down. I whispered back, "I'll be okay."

I was the one to break the hug and quickly walk out the door.

"Grab me some gummy bears!" He called after in a shaky voice.

I looked back at him processing everything slowly, wishing I could go back to weeks ago when everything was normal. I didn't have anything to say back, so I just nodded back to him as my eyes welt up with crocodile tears. I watched as as slammed the door shut, breaking off our eye contact. This was so painful. It hurt more than watching Joey die. Thing is, leaving someone you love who's passed is easier than leaving someone you know you belong with who's alive.

But no matter what, I knew I was going to try and come back. Or see Caleb at least one more time. No matter how many casualties there had to be. I swear.

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