A Lifetime Promise

Bonus 2: Qiang Jingyi

My concubine mother never liked me; she would always find ways to abuse me, even when I was a baby. I had always wondered why she treated me like I was the greatest mistake ever. I never got the clear answer from her. I did, however, know that she loathed me to death. Everyone knew that I was not favored and they too, joined with her. My concubine mother was said to be a strong woman but everything went downhill at some point and she became ruthless and unreasonable.

I had never experienced family love and seeing my other siblings getting all the love, I wondered why it was different with me. Why was I the only one receiving such treatment? Why didn't my own birth mother love me? Why didn't my father Emperor pay attention to me? As a child, I was emotional but I knew my place and didn't cause troubles—yet troubles always came to me, did it not? I used to always cry, I used to always seek for help; I wanted someone to care about me. I felt lonely. No one was willing to help me, teach me, and guide me. I was all alone and I could not do a thing about it. It was the same as being abandoned.

One day, I felt extremely excited and wanted to go out to play. Since no one cared about me, I could easily leave the palace. I went to the imperial forest; I used to go there to escape from the people. But, while I played around, I accidentally dropped my shoe in the river and I thought I would never find it. I began to panic—if I could not find it, I would had to walk with just one shoe from now then.

As if the heavens decided to help me, I met a strange girl. She was different from the others that I had seen. Acting as if she was an adult, she scolded me and made me call her big sister even though I was the older one. Even after I told her my identity, she didn't seem to care, she treated me like a normal person—not minding who I was and my status. I was shocked but I felt warm inside me. Hearing how I was mistreated, she decided to become my teacher. She taught me everything she could teach me; writing, reading, calculation, chess and more. No one knew how blessed I was to meet her. I admired her a lot.

In my eyes, she was the most beautiful girl. I loved to be with her, I loved to see her and talk to her. She told me how we could only meet a few days every months as she did not live in the capital, and I asked where she lived but she never gave me direct answer. I did not mind. As long as I could see her, I was contented.

We would play in the capital together, hiding our appearances so we wouldn't get caught. We went to a festival, and she bought both of us opera masks to hide our faces. I was happy, I really was.

But what I was truly happy about was the friendship tokens. I never took off the jade pendant. It was something she gave me, I had to protect it and not let anyone touch it.

I thought everything was going to stay the same—until, I went to the forest to meet her only to see no traces of her. I searched for the whole day, I came back the next day, and the day after the next day. I kept doing so for a month, but I never saw her. I was heartbroken; I felt despair.

She was the sole reason why my life became more colorful, she was the one who saved me from my miserable days, she helped me, and she was the only person I cared the most. Why? I asked again, why? Did I do something wrong? Why did she not want to see me anymore? Was it because I was weak? Was I being a nuisance to her?

'Please come back, I'm sorry.' This was what I kept saying in my mind. I promised that I would become better and that I would become stronger, so could she please come back to me? I wanted to see her so badly. I would do anything just to meet her again. But no matter how much I promised to be better, she never came back. I was devastated. How was I supposed to live without her in my life?

I found a letter from her, I thought she was going to return—but I was wrong. She had truly left me. What was I to do? I did not want to cry. I wanted to find her again and ask her why she left me, why she abandoned me all of a sudden.

I began to study and train harder, every day I pushed myself to become stronger and smarter. I achieved my goal; I was granted to lead an army to battles. I went to different places to fight only to search for her. I prayed that I would find her somewhere along the way—but I never did.

Not knowing when, I became cold and ruthless. I stopped smiling as I did not feel the need to. What was the reason to smile if I couldn't smile for her? I couldn't find her, I thought I would never see her again in my life. I was depressed but I kept my feelings hidden.

Wealth, fame and status—none of it mattered to me even though I was searching for the legendary treasure. The only reason I wanted to conquer it was because of her. I did not know what kind of treasure it was but I wanted to give it to her. I wanted to thank her for saving my life, for being there for me when I needed it the most.

I almost thought I was hallucinating when I saw a familiar figure in the streets within the capital city. I was so overjoyed that I found her again. I wanted to go up to her and embrace her so badly.

For her to come back to my life again, I was truly grateful.

I knew I had feelings for her, I knew I loved her. I wanted to tell her but I was afraid. What if I got rejected and she would leave me again? I absolutely did not want that. I never wanted her to leave me again. Eight years. Those eight years without her was agonizing. I was afraid she would leave me without a trace. It left a scar in my heart. Instead of confessing to her, I showed her my love for her as much as I could. I was well aware of what I had done to her but I could not help it. It hurt. It hurt to not see her. I wanted to tell her sorry. Sorry for being so overbearing and that I wished for her to bear with me.

In the end, the legendary treasure was all for naught and my plan to thank her was crushed—just like that, it was gone. What to do? I did not plan that far. I could only abandon it.

'My Lan, my beautiful Lan, I love you. I love you so much I can't live without you.'

I wondered when I could tell her my feelings... After everything, I still did not have enough courage in front of her. I was helpless, wasn't I? 

One day. One day I was going to gather my courage to tell her that I loved her.

But even if I was going to fail, it did not matter. As long as I could be with her, it did not matter—it was enough for me. I could not be too greedy or I might regret.

Looking at her leisurely eating sweets, I smiled and gently touched the opera mask that hung at the side of my waist before I lastly touched the jade pendant hanging around my neck.

'I am happy you are here by my side.'

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And that is the end of Jin-Jin's bonus chapter. Hope you enjoyed it.