Anxiety • part 1

8 • party

I was bringing in crates when I saw a confused James standing at the front door.

"James." I yelled at him and he looked relieved to see me.

"Go ahead, I can take it from here." John said. I put the crate down with the others before going over to him and grabbing his arm. I dragged him behind me to the back door and I could see Ashton looking at us weirdly from the corner of my eye.

"I can't do this." I said, completely freaking out now. "I thought I could but I can't."

"What the hell are you talking about?" He asked me while we walked up the stairs together.

"I can't be cool around him, I just almost froze and lost words when I saw them. I can't go in there and act normal." I said and he laughed at me, he just laughed in my face.

"Sam, are you even hearing yourself right now? You got a little starstruck but remember all those little conversations. You're not just a fan to them anymore, you got to realise that fast. But now get in the shower so we won't be late." I could hear the fans getting even louder outside and I walked to the window to see what was happening, they had went outside to take some pictures with them in hopes they would leave. I put my window on a crack so I could hear them talking. The fans got more silent quickly as Ashton was trying to say something.

"We will take some pictures with you now but we are just trying to celebrate Michael's birthday with some friends, so we hope you can respect that and leave afterwards." He said as friendly as possible but they were all a little annoyed by them. I watched them for a minute before taking a deep breath and going to my bathroom while James turned on the tv.

I tried to get my thoughts together as I stood under the hot water. But I let out the loudest scream when it suddenly turned ice cold. "Fucking hell." I said to myself as I stepped aside while I waited for it to turn hot again. It took a minute but I got my hot water back and I was definitely wide awake now. I quickly washed my hair and body before getting out of the shower.

"What happened?" James asked when I walked out to get my outfit.

"John used water downstairs." I said with a grunt and he just laughed at me again. I got my clothes before I went back to the bathroom.

I tried to find ways to get out of this now, but I couldn't. I actually looked forward to it all day so I couldn't just ditch now. And I was confident Ashton would be at my door all night if I did.

"Are you almost ready? Party is getting started. Fans are gone and music is being turned louder." James said as he was getting impatient.

"Is this alright?" I asked as I walked out of the bathroom. I left my hair natural and decided not to put on too much make up. It was a rather simple outfit but I think it was alright.

I had my thight black jeans on and a dark red, loose top which I liked a lot. The only thing I hated about it now, was that it was pretty low so you could see the still red scar from the surgery.

"You look amazing." He said with a big smile. I put my jacket on the couch before taking my heels out of my closet, they were simple ones too, but I didn't want to stand out. If I see every girl is wearing a dress, I can just run upstairs and get changed so that made it a little less frightening. I could easily run if I wanted to. "Ready to go?" He asked as he looked at me.

I left my phone on the kitchen table and nodded. It's not like I was going far and I didn't really have a pocket it would fit in. "I'm going to stay here Sam. You can do this on your own and if you can't, I'm just upstairs and you can run here any time you want. You'll be alright. Besides, I still got a shitload of work to do. And I don't want to be third weeling all night. If I haven't heard from you before 11, I'm going to go home."