Anxiety • part 1

21 • rules

I watched them on stage from the audience together with all their families. It was weird standing on the side with them and having the VIP badge around my neck to have acces to the full arena.

It was very very weird in fact.

I talked with Harry most of the show until they came on. Everyone started cheering and singing along, they've heard these songs so many times but every time they saw their son or brother out on that stage, they got up, cheered and sang along. Proud and happy.

But I was glad to be back at the hotel, in the quiet room with Piper by my feet as I tried to get my mind together. I was fighting myself so hard over this.

I wanted to say yes so badly because he makes me happy, but did I really want to risk 4 friendships over this?

I tried to do it problem by problem. And so far, this is the only one I can't just put to the 'it will be alright' side in my mind.

As long as fans didn't find out about us, it wouldn't be a problem. But the chance they would find out was just so big.

I smiled at my phone when Jackie finally called me back. It's been hard calling eachother every day as she's at school but we made it work.

"Sammieeeee" she yelled excited when I replied.

"Hey Jackie" I said with a smile.

"So what's the problem?" She asked and I could hear the worry in her voice.

So I explained everything to her that was going on with Ashton and she just listened carefully. At times like this, sometimes all you need is for someone to listen and to be able to say your problems out loud. Because while I was explaining it to her, I figured it out already.

When I was done talking, she told me exactly what I was thinking about it. We said our goodbyes and I got up. I left Piper in my room and ran to the floor above on my bare feet in my pyjama shorts and one of the MYT tour shirts. I'm sure I looked fantastic.

I knocked on his door and looked down at my feet while I waiting for him to open the door.

"Just a second." He yelled and I could hear him walking around. "Hey." He said when the door opened. I looked up at him and his hair was still dripping and he just had a towel around his waist. ofcourse I've seen him shirtless and all wet from the pool or sea but this was different. His towel was hanging rather low and fuck he looked hot.

"I erhm" I started trying to just focus on his face to get my words back because my mind just stopped functioning. "Let's just try it. You make me happy and make my anxiety fade away so it would be stupid as hell not to try it." I said and his face lit up. I wasn't even sure what I was planning to say but I know that on my walk up I had a whole speech prepared. "I just got one important rule. Your fans can't find out. Because if it ends up not working out, I don't want to loose all of you. Sure if it does work out they can know after a while but I like my privacy and -"

He interrupted me by kissing me, he placed his hands on both sides of my face as I finally was able to react after a second. I kissed him back with just as much force as he used when he started kissing me. I put my arms around him and the kiss got heated and with more tongue quickly until we both heard the door beside his room open.

"Holy shit." Luke said, I took a step back and bit down on my bottom lip, unable to even look at him. "Finally, I've been like waiting for this moment since you arrived. Except I didn't expect Ashton being almost naked at that moment."

"What's going on?" Michael asked as he came out of his room on the other side. "Is it actually happening?"

"Yeah I just saw them full on making out." Luke said and Calum ran out of Michael's room too.