Anxiety • part 1

18 • fireworks

He looked at me for a second when he pulled away before we came back to reality and tried to act cool. Atleast that's what I was trying.

We looked outside at the fireworks, the feeling of his lips still on mine and my mind racing like crazy. I looked at him but his eyes were already on mine, "I'm sorry that I kissed you, I just didn't want you to miss out on your New Year's eve kiss because you're here." He said in an attempt to apologise. I looked down at my feet unable to come up with an answer.

"It's alright." I said and I punched myself in my own face mentally.

"I-" he started but he took back his words, "The fireworks are great." He said as he looked away from me. I let out a sigh and nodded.

"I'll see you around." I said awkwardly before walking off, trying my best to find Crystal in the crowd.

"Sammieee!" Michael yelled as he saw me, I turned towards him and walked over quickly.

"Can I have your girlfriend for a minute?" I asked and Crystal nodded, following me inside. I assume she knew I needed some privacy as she leaded me to one of the bedrooms once we got inside.

"What's wrong?" She asked me as I looked at her, panic in my eyes. And for the first time since I came here, I felt trapped, scared and unsure again. "Just sit down, whatever it is, it will be okay."

"Ashton-" I started but I didn't even know how to finish it because what was I panicking for? Because he kissed me? I kissed him at my party and that was fine.

"He kissed you, we all saw it." She said and that made it a little easier.

"He apologised for kissing me right after, told me he did it out of sympathy because I was standing alone." I said when I gathered my thoughts. "But for me it felt like freaking fireworks were going off inside of me instead of outside. And I just panicked when he said that. We had already kissed back in London but this was so different, so much more alive and with sparks all around. Not just a truth or dare kiss."

"Oh Sam" she said as she pulled me into her side. I let my body lean against her and we stayed silent for a second. It was just what I needed. "If he didn't feel a thing, he's just stupid. But I know for a fact he just said that to hide away how he felt. He's bad at these things. I've seen him with a couple of girls since I'm with Michael but it has never lasted longer then a week. So if he felt something in that kiss, he's going to hide it away for you because that's what he does. He's a sucker for love but got no clue how to deal with his feelings." She said softly, "That's why with that bet we made as a joke, Michael said he wouldn't be the first one to kiss so we were all very surprised."

"Wait, what bet?" I asked as I looked at her confused

"Oh shit. You didn't know?" She asked and I shook my head, "Michael and I bet about stupid things, like if you had a 5SOS tattoo or not and when you guys would finally kiss. I knew it would happen, Michael thought it wouldn't be him kissing you if it happened. But he was wrong."

"You're actually betting money on those things?"

"Not money. Bedroom related stuff." She said with a grin and I laughed, their sex life was based on stupid bets. "I am 100% sure that Ashton is into you physically, but he's in more than he'd like to admit emotionally too. You might not see it, but we see how he looks at you or how he has been talking about you ever since London."

"So what now?" I asked as I looked down at my hands. Everyone knew about Ashton having a hard one at the pool party when we were joking around in the pool, we all just acted like we didn't because Ashton tried to hide it so well and I wanted it to be far out of everyone's memory too. So I knew in some way, his body was attracted to me but it's his mind that really matters.