Anxiety • part 1

28 • rumours

I was in the middle of class when my phone started exploding with notifications, I opened it confused trying my best to make sure the professor didn't notice.

SamEFans: IS ASHTON TALKING ABOUT @DrSam IN THE ELLEN SHOW
SamEFans: SOMEONE PLEASE CONFIRM THAT HE IS @Ashton5SOS @DrSam
SamEFans: I WANT THEM TO DATE SO BADLY @Ashton5SOS @DrSam

I knew they went to the Ellen show last week and it would be aired today but nobody told me anything special happened on it. After looking a little further I found a video of their game of never have I ever where fans tagged me in.

It's been two weeks since I've been back in London and I've had 2 panic attacks. I take Piper with me everywhere I go but a crowded bus and a store where a few girls kept following me suddenly got too much for me. Atleast I think they were following me.

It felt like they had allowed me to breath and relax for three weeks before pushing me under again, seeing how long it takes for me to break.

I had bought a second hand, beautiful piano which was delivered a couple of days back and my two old guitars would be fixed tomorrow so I was back.

My contract was signed a week ago in their London office and they were keeping me busy with checking the piano piece on a couple of their songs that would be released soon but up untill now always without the artist's name, which sucked.

But in a week, Ashton and the guys would finally be here and I can see him again. We text all morning untill he goes to sleep and we call every evening when he wakes up.

So far it has sucked but it's not impossible. It has been easier then I expected because life is keeping me busy enough.

I didn't mind about it being busy because every day when I go home and sit behind my piano, I feel relieve washing over me. It's just Piper, the piano and I. But it doesn't change that I feel suffocating as soon as I leave my place.

When class was finally over and my weekend could finally start, I waited untill most people were gone before slowly making my way back to my appartment. I had started walking back home instead of taking the bus, that way Piper gets a 30minute walk every morning and evening and I get to clear my head.

But today my head was just empty, nothing to think about. I was glad when I saw the bar at the corner of the street and even more when I finally went inside, walked through the bar and ran up the stairs. I let myself fall down on the couch and went to twitter to open the video I had saved of the ellen show.

"So we are going to play a game of Never have I ever." Ellen said as she took out the boards with 'I have' and 'I have not' written on the sides. "So the game is rather simple, I will say something and you just have to say 'I have' if you've done it and 'I have not' if you didn't." She explained and it was indeed the easiest game.

"Let's do this." Michael said excited. The lies told during those interviews are amazing.

"Okay so the first one, never have I ever lied to my bandmates." They all turned to I have after some hestitation except for Ashton.

"Ashton is lying to us right now." Luke said as he looked at the other plates.

"I'm not. I always say the truth." He said defending himself.

"You lied to us a couple of weeks ago." Michael said and it took him a second to realise what it was about.

He lied to them, when he told them he would never kiss me and we would never become a thing.

He turned around his plate and they all laughed. "I lied just once." He said in his defence.

"Okay next one." Ellen said not giving too much attention to his change in answer, "Never have I ever made out with someone you knew of that they are a fan." All of them turned to 'I have not' except for Ashton. "So you've actually made out with a fan? Just a one time thing or did it happen multiple time?"