The Curtis Sister

Night Thoughts

     Jocelyn sat in the back seat of the car while Steve tried to get home as fast as he could with the ice. I had to go Christmas shopping soon. Christmas would be in 4 Days. Luckily that meant that I was off from school. I had felt the sharp pain in my stomach and almost entirely forgot I got a tattoo. Darry would kill Steve, then me, then Jocelyn if he found out. We made our way back to the house and all got out.
      "I haven't walked inside an actual house in 3 years," Jocelyn said.
       "Welcome to it.", Steve groaned.
        The lights weren't on, but I knew someone would be in there. When we walked in, to my surprise, empty. Both Steve and I looked at each other confusingly.
        "What?", Jocelyn asked.
        "Oh well usually our friends sleep down here.", Steve said.
        "I'll sleep down here tonight with you so your not gonna wake up to 6 guys staring at you.", I assured.
        "Wait I'm sorry. 6? You have 6 siblings?"
       "Oh no. I have 3 brothers, other 3 are my friends.", I said.
       I walked up the stairs to grab blankets and saw Ponyboy was still awake.
       "Pony. You're not gonna believe what just happened."
        He widened his eyes. "Okay?"
       "So we went to this tattoo shop and Steve got a tattoo. Then this guy knocked on the door and when I opened it he pointed a gun at my face. Then Steve tackled him and the police showed up. And the artist who did the tattoo is sleeping on the couch because she lives at the shop and it's dangerous to stay tonight."
         "What?", Ponyboy asked.
         "I almost died."
         "You're lying."
        "I'm not. Go downstairs."
         Ponyboy sighed and walked down the stairs. Steve and Jocelyn were talking but looked over when Ponyboy came down.
        "Hi.", he said to Jocelyn.
        "Hello."
        "What happened."
        "We almost got shot.", Jocelyn said.
        Ponyboy turned to me with his eyes widened.
       "What. The. Hell. Y/N.", he muttered.
       "It's not MY fault!"
       "What. The. Hell. Steve."
       "Me neither kid."
       "What. The-", he was cut off by Steve.
       "We get it Ponyboy shut up.", Steve yelled.
       Jocelyn looked over at me and raised her eyebrow.
       "Jocelyn this is Ponyboy, my little brother."
     "Ahh that makes sense.", she responded.
      I pushed Pony back up the stairs.
      "Wait is he in jail?", Ponyboy asked.
      "Yes kid," Steve paused and looked over at me, "Why the hell would you tell HIM."
      "He was the only one awake."
       He walked up the stairs and I laid down on the couch while Jocelyn laid down on the other. Steve had already made his way home after Ponyboy left so it was just me and Jocelyn.
       "What are your brothers names?", she asked.
       "Ponyboy, Sodapop, and Darry."
       "Ah okay. Are you the oldest."
      "No. My brother Darry turns 21 soon.", I said.
     "Tell him I said Happy Birthday then."
     "I will.", I laughed.
     I heard her breathing slowly quiet down. She was asleep now. I had tried to fall asleep myself, and failed. I tossed and turned the whole night, and I don't know why. I'd gotten myself into a comfortable position but couldn't fall asleep. And I hated it, because in the complete silence of the night, staring at the ceiling, all I could think about was what happened during the past year. Mom and dad died, I was nearly froze, nearly killed, I broke my own heart, my caretaker had a seizure, and I got a gun pointed at me. I felt a tear run down my cheek.
         To many things had happened, and who knows what would happen in a year. Where I would be, what I'd be doing. Where'd everyone else would be. Ponyboy and Johnny might get beat up when they went back to school. They didn't deserve that, at all. Dally was probably gonna get arrested, and he didn't deserve that. Darry would probably have more seizures, Sodapop was having a hard time dealing with Sandy, Steve was just trying to make everyone better, and Two-Bit would watch everyone fall apart.
        I got the urge to want everything to be like it used to. I wanted Darry making eggs while Two-Bit watched Micky Mouse. I wanted Soda and Steve wrestling on the couch. I wanted Ponyboy and Johnny talking quietly by the kitchen table and Dally recovering from a hangover on the couch. I wanted to sit by the TV and watch it all happen again, and I took it for granted. I thought it was gonna be everyday for the rest of my life, and it wasn't. And I wanted it again. I needed it again. I suddenly found myself uncontrollably crying. I got up and noticed that Jocelyn wasn't on the couch anymore. She left. Who knows where she went. Right now, I didn't care. I stared out the window and continued to cry, the thought of the days before all this replaying in my head.
      "Y/N what are you doing?"
      Darry was standing by the staircase. I turned my head back and wiped my eyes.
      "Are you crying?", he asked.
      "No.", I sniffled.
      "Yes you are."
     He came over and hugged me. I held onto him tightly. I took hugs for granted, too. I didn't realize how much you need them.
      "What's wrong?", he asked.
      I couldn't keep secrets from him anymore. They were eating me up inside every minute I did.
       "I'm so sorry. For everything I've done to you. And for everything that happened within the past year. You don't deserve to have so much stress on you and I'll I've done is created more for you. I'm sorry."
      "Y/N what are you talking about."
      "With all these hospital visits-"
      "Those aren't your fault."
      "Dating Dallas is.", I said.
       He paused for a minute.
      "You and him were a thing?"
      "I'm sorr-"
      "Do you love him?", he asked.
      "What?"
      "Do you?"
      "What do you mean by that?"
      "Do you still think about him? Did he make you happy? Were you more relieved and calm with him?"
       "Yeah.", I said.
       "And what did he do for you?"
       "He protected me. And he tried for me."
      "He loved you.", Darry said.
       I looked up at him with questioning eyes.
      "He was so upset, heartbroken, when you broke up with him. He didn't even talk to any of us."
       "How do you know?", I asked.
       "Johnny."
       I sighed.
       "He told me for a good reason. He told me about how tired Dally was all the time. He lost Sylvia, and then you.", Darry explained.
      "I love him.", I said.
      "Then tell him."