❤Kpop Oneshots Book 2❤

Admit ~Cai Xukun~

Have you ever wanted to just be loved? To find your long life soul mate? Have you ever felt so let down by things in your life that brought you here, suffering as you sit in your bed? When you have no one to go to, or you just don't because they wouldn't understand?I'm jealous of them. My friends. Each one they have found their perfect matches. One of them is even getting married. Them talking about how their boyfriends or girlfriends treat them and how they miss they when they don't get to see one another.

I thought I found him once. He was an amazing guy. We met when we came with a comeback after he accidentally threw a water bottle at me. He was so nice and kind. He was just a gentleman. A bit goofy but just enough to catch my eye.

We talked for a while and it wasn't an issue. Even when we were apart, he called me to check on me, or called and said he missed me. We would text everyday. Jia would always tease me about it. Sukhye would awe, while Yunmi would make funny faces to me as well talked. He would say sweet things and would never fail to make me smile. During one of his performance, he blew me a kiss and made sure to send a recording of it just to prove it to me. I thought that I was finally going to get what I have been longing for. Love.

Boy was I wrong.

When he got busy, he was busy. So was I. We talked less and less. I started to miss him more and more, but something bothered me.  I wanted him, but did he want me? What if he grew bored of me and it just didn't work? I looked forward to him less and less as my hope grew smaller and smaller. I then decided to bring it up to him.

"Hey...I have to ask you something."

"Yeah, what is it?"

"Do you still want to talk to me?"

"Yeah, of course I do."

"Don't you feel dry though? Dry texts, small talk?"

"Yeah... But its just a dry part of this process."

"But don't you think that there should be more? We shouldn't be so dry, you know?"

"Yeah, I get it. It's okay though."

"No. It isn't, Kun. We should be able to talk about anything."

"Liah, I... I don't know what to say..."

"Kun, what are we?"

"I don't know, Liah. I don't know."

Since then it slowly became nonexistent. We messaged once a day, and then it became rare. I guess I had it coming because I seemed so insecure, like I was never good enough for him.

I wanted it to work but it just never did. I miss talking to someone. Now I talk to no one about it now. Not even my members. I listen and watch how they talk about the things they do together and how they interact with them. I find it so romantic but for some reason it makes me so sad... It reminds me of Xukun. How he talked about one day at the right time, he would ask me out. He talked about how I bought him back into the world from his darkness. I miss him. He is perfect... Just not perfect for me.

I have been hiding this from everyone because they wouldn't understand. My members wouldn't. They are all in relationships themselves. They would understand what I am feeling. Sometimes, when I see one of them talking to their boyfriend I would get so sad and jealous that I walk to my room and get my towel and clothes just so I can cry in the shower where no one can hear me. It hurts to know that when I started to fall in love with him, there was no hope for us. I never loved him though. I started to but with no hope, I didn't let it go any further, with All of my strength, I let it go.

Now here I am, standing in front of him. I can't do this. Not yet.

"I'm going to get some fresh air."