The What Happens When Fanboys and Death Note Mix Christmas Special

People

*It's almost Christmas. Everyone is hanging out before the work day starts*

Lucas: Alright! It's the last day before Christmas Eve, the night of the big delivery! We still have a lot of toys to make, presents to wrap, etcetera etcetera.

Connor: Yeet.

*Silent Bob is sitting at the table, he's got baby Chris, who is wearing Silent Bob's hat and cooing. Elmira giggles*

Elmira: Looks like you got a new friend.

Silent Bob: *grins*

*A ruckus is heard outside*

Lucas: What's that? I'll go check. *Goes outside, there are a bunch of people who found the town and are on strike.*

Lucas: What's going on?

Protester 1: We tracked down the North Pole just to go on strike!

Lucas: Against what?

Protester 2: We want a female/gender neutral Santa!

Lucas: WHAT?!

Protester 3: You being a man is sexist! You should be either a woman or gender neutral!

Lucas: So what am I supposed to do? Magically shape shift into a woman?

Protesters: ...*huddle and start debating. Then...*

Protester 4: Yes!

Lucas: I can't do that! And even if I could I wouldn't!

Protester 3: You're sexist!

Lucas: No I'm not!

Connor: *walks out* What the fork is going on?

Lucas: They think I should be a woman or gender neutral.

Connor: Alright people. First off, what would Santa here even do to become gender neutral?

Protester 5: Oh that's easy! He would um...uh...

Protester 2: He would...uh...well...Hmmmm...

Connor: You have no idea, do you?

Protester 6: Nope.

Protesters 7,8,9 and 10: But he should be a woman!

All protesters: Yeah!

Protester 10: All popular characters should be women!

Protesters: Yeah!

Connor and Lucas: *put on sunglasses*

Connor: *pulls out neuralizer* Everyone look up here. *Neuralizes them, they are standing still and in a trance*

Connor: Man what the heck is up with you? Santa is a man, and there's nothing anyone can do about it! He's not a woman, he's not gender neutral, he's a man. He's not gonna magically shape shift into a woman, he's not gonna do whatever would need to be done to be gender neutral, not sure how that's possible, but he's a male! And you know what? So what if he's a man? Does it really matter? Look, I get it. You feel that women deserve a voice and I agree! I don't see why men can't be the ones in the kitchen while women are out conquering the world, but both men and women can do extraordinary things. So yes. Santa is a man. Maybe the next one will be a woman, who knows? But right now, he's a man, and there's nothing we can do about it. Now get out of here. By the way, you're in Canada right now.

*The protesters leave*