Do I Wanna Know? || Ashton Irwin

16

"Huh," Dick ran his tongue over his lips. "I was expecting dinner to be made."

"You said you were going to dinner with friends, so I was going to start helping the kids with their homework and just order a pizza."

"I guess you're just slacking." He removed his backpack and hung it by the door.

I placed Jack in his swing as he was sound asleep in the bouncer now and I hated leaving him in that thing. I asked the kids to go to their room, again, so I could talk to Dick. I would ignore his comment for now. If I confronted it now I'd forget the more important reason that I needed to confront him about.

"Can you explain these?" I shoved the box at him.

He opened the box, shuffling through the envelopes, "What are these?"

"Don't even try to play dumb, Dick." I rolled my eyes, crossing my arms and giving him a narrow-eyed glare.

"Richard." He corrected. But I was already correct. No one who hid something like letters from me deserved to be rightfully appointed. I needed to break off this engagement quickly. I hated this man so much.

"You know exactly what those are."

"H-how'd you find them?" He asked, his voice trembling.

"It doesn't matter." I stood there as he picked an envelope from the batch, placing the box on a table nearby and reading it. My foot tapped against the floor, impatiently awaiting the slow reader to confirm that the letters were exactly what he thought they were.

"Okay, there was a mix up with the mail one day," He put the lid back on the box. "I had the first letter mixed with my mail and I opened it without paying attention to the names and I was confused as to why someone was sending me such a sappy letter, saying it was my birthday? Then I realized it was Ashton actually writing to you. I was going to tell you, believe me, I was. But I thought it would be better for you to get over him. I saw how sad you were and how hard you spent every day trying not to cry... I just thought it would be better for you, easier..."

Protection. Another person trying to protect me. I appreciated the gesture from Luke, even Calum and Michael, but I did not need the gesture coming from Dick. He wasn't someone that I felt comfortable and safe with knowing he was trying to protect me. Everything was beginning to seem funny to me. Dick's excuses, his lies, this engagement, myself. I wanted to break everything off in the moment, but I wanted to actually lay out the pros and cons of ending an engagement. I didn't know any people that ended their engagements and I wanted real life advice. I needed to call Francis soon. He would help me sort out my thoughts.

"And then I kept getting more letters, but all were addressed to apartment 2P, my apartment, instead of 2R, yours, that's how I ended up with the others. Eventually you seemed happy, so I didn't think I needed to give you the letters. Then we got back together and some time during that year, the letters stopped, I wasn't getting anything, or you weren't getting anything. I don't know if he ever tried writing again because I moved in with you a year later...For all we know, old senile Sandy next door has been getting the letters and thinks her husband is alive, writing to her." I slapped him straight across the face, silencing his chuckle. He brought his hand to his cheek, rubbing the post-slap sting away. "What was that for?"

"For being another person who's hidden stuff from me. You're pathetic, you know that?" I pulled my fingers through my hair, my ring getting tangled in it. Brilliant! I yanked the ring from my finger, "If you actually loved me then you would not have hid things from me." I threw the diamond ring at him, before walking off. "The wedding is off."

Or maybe I didn't need to call Francis. Apparently, my subconscious had this all figured out. She knew what she wanted and what she needed to do, I just had to accept it and let those things happen. This was one time I wouldn't feel regretful for acting on impulse because this felt so relieving. I was free. I immediately noticed myself hoping and praying that I made the right choice, for the future promised nothing to me.

He yanked my arm, turning me around.

"You don't mean that!" He said frantically. "We've already made deposits. It's money we can't get back."

"Well, you should've thought about the money before hiding something from me." I tried pulling my arm from his grasp, but he only grabbed it harder.

"They're just letters, T." Dick scoffed. "You act like you still love the guy."

I couldn't say anything back, no amazing comeback could compete with Dick's because he was right. For the first time in years Dick was finally right about something and he didn't deserve an award for it either. Evidently, Dick was aware the whole time I was still in love with Ashton. I didn't hide it from anyone necessarily well.

"You do..." He released my arm, stepping back a few steps. "You still love him."

I sighed.

"Once you've figured out what - who - you want, call me." He clutched the ring in his hand. "Until then, I'll be staying with a friend again."

"You're better off just not coming back..." I muttered under my breath.

"What was that?" Dick spoke up from his bag. The same bag that hadn't been unpacked upon his arrival. Maybe he felt that he'd be leaving again soon and would need to rush out of here.

"You heard me."

Dick left without a goodbye, but it wasn't like a goodbye would change how I felt.

I knew who I wanted, I knew who I was in love with, but did I really want to do this? Did I really want to publicly call off the wedding and suffer that embarrassment? A quiet argument between Dick and I was fine, quietly threatening the wedding to be canceled was fine with me also. Neither of us knew if the threats were empty or not. For all Dick and I knew, we'd be back together any day now, regretting our fight. But until then Ashton and I couldn't even be together because he had Sarah. We could spend our lives sneaking around, but what fun would that be? What happiness would be strung out of doing that? I could not manage to be the reason that Sarah did something to Ashton ever again, but at the same time I could not stay away from him.