Do I Wanna Know? || Ashton Irwin

29

"T, you have to tell me what you did." Didn't we all just LOVE confrontational greetings when we got home? Especially when they came from someone who was supposed to be helping you. The last time I checked my watch, Luke was on my side. Then again, he'd always had a habit of going back and forth and confusing everyone. "Nothing ruins Ash, absolutely nothing and now I can barely get him to speak more than ten words to me or the other guys." Luke waved Eli and Ella off, sending them to their room and placing Jack in his play pin.

"Luke, I can't tell you. I promised myself that I wouldn't talk about it again after it happened, but apparently I fucked that up so bad because I decided to get drunk one night."

"Maybe if you talk about it, it will help you." It was hard to tell when Luke was angry when he was such an expressionless guy. He could speak in the most calming of tone and no one would have an idea that he was upset because it wouldn't show. He almost didn't try. Occasionally, he'd laugh or give a smile, but if you weren't Alya, you had to work for both. He looked permanently displeased with everything. Almost like he had a permanent bitch face.

"No." I refused, shaking my head, trying to step out from before him, but Luke stopped me. "Not even Francis knows about it."

"I think you should tell Luke." Ashton, Ashton of all god damn people appeared behind Luke. His hair was a mess, he looked like he hadn't slept in days, and he was wearing...shorts. Shorts. What the hell? The Ashton I knew was so self-conscious about showing off his legs. "After all, you've been keeping it from him as well."

"Why are you here?" Thank God you're here, my thoughts contradicted my words. But I wasn't going to let my excitement of being in his presence let me get out of hand and throw myself at him. There had been enough of that.

He had a trend of being right where I need him when I didn't need him there or expected him to not be there.

"Because I need closure, Talia." He crossed his arms. "I demand to know why it was so hard for you to pick up the phone and tell me the second you found out."

"Closure for what Ashton? It happened years ago! You aren't the one who had to go through it. I did." I countered, pushing passed Luke. I tossed my keys and my purse on the couch before turning back around and looking at the two guys.

"What the hell happened five years ago that I missed?!" Luke questioned, looking between Ashton and I.

"Tell him, T." Ashton insisted. "Or I will."

I sighed, dropping my hands to my sides, searching the ceiling for help and praying to a god I wasn't sure existed anymore.

"I was pregnant for a short time...but I lost the baby." I stared at my shoes, dragging one foot along the hard wood floor as I drew shapes with it. Finding any reason not to look up at Luke or Ashton. I didn't want to see Ashton's hurt expression again and I wanted nothing to do with the possible look of disgust from Luke.

"Wha-"

"Let her finish." Ashton hushed Luke.

"It was Ashton's. I lost it two months in I suppose."

"You suppose?" Luke snapped. "What the hell, Talia? You can't just hide something like that for a few years!"

"I never intended on anyone besides Xander and Ana knowing about it. I was going to take the situation and try my best to forget about it...move on like nothing happened." I shrugged, gaining the bravery to look up and make eye contact.

Ana, Xander, and I had a pact as all siblings did. If we told each other something, we expected everyone to keep their mouths closed about it and not speak of it to anyone. We all had our dirty little secrets, we all had our mistakes that we shared among ourselves and there was always an impression of ease because I knew my secrets and mistakes would not leave them and theirs would not leave me. It was a bond bigger than anything I had ever experienced.

"Why couldn't you call me?" Ashton spoke slowly.

"How could I've been so sure that you'd even want to hear from me, Ashton? How could I pick up the phone and call knowing that there'd be a chance Sarah would answer?"

He knew I was right. As did Luke. That was why neither had a clever response or any response for that matter.

I could've gained all the confidence in the world to call Ashton and tell him that I was pregnant, but I wouldn't do it. That confidence would all wash away with the mere thought of Sarah. It wouldn't be out of fright she'd come after me, I just always had the best interest for Ashton. What would've happened if I had called him and upset her?

"I would've called. Believe me, if the pregnancy had gone through the first trimester I would've called and told you. I had even planned to keep the baby. I was preparing myself to become a mom and all of that was taken away from me just like everything else." I let out a breathy laugh. "Part of the reason why I didn't want to start a family with Dick was because I didn't now if I could, I still don't know. For all I know, I could have complications with staying pregnant and I don't want to be put through another disappointment again."

"This doesn't fix anything, T. It doesn't make me feel any better." Ashton rose his voice at me. He knew that was something I could not handle, something that would cause me to break or to leave the room.

"Then take your own advice and fuck off." I stormed off to my bedroom, slamming the door behind me as if that would make a point.