Do I Wanna Know? || Ashton Irwin

33

April 18, 2019

I'd done a lot of research while at work, while at home, while eating dinner, while waiting for my mom to arrive at the airport. A lot of research that would guide me through the heartbreak of the man I love, marrying someone else.

We couldn't always marry the person we wanted to marry and that was what was pretty fucked about life. One article I read stated I should get one last chance to talk to him, to tell him how I felt because there was always a possibility that I could stop the wedding and get him to be with me. Wasn't that bribing in a way?

Acceptance.

Accepting the fact that Ashton was going to get married and realize that no hope lied for us. Accepting that there was someone else set aside for me, waiting to love me. To love me wholly and completely without the restrictions of someone else holding them back.

Did I go wrong falling for someone who was still being tied down by someone else? Maybe. But without a doubt I could say that no love could compare to the love that Ashton gave me though. That was where I ended up messing up. I compared anything and everything to Ashton. If I wanted to move on I would have to stop doing. If not, I'd get nowhere and be stuck in the ups and downs of Ashton and I, as if it was almost entertainment to me.

My mom and I sat in the living room watching television as I fed Jack. Mom was here because Luke didn't want me alone with the kids now that he was on his "small" tour with the band. It seemed that I was being watched like a child while watching over three children.

"Did you hear that Ash's wedding was rescheduled to this weekend?" Mom lied a burp cloth over my shoulder so I could burp the baby without a mess. "And it's here in the city..."

"That's impossible, the band has shows to play this weekend in Mexico." I found myself rudely scoffing at my mother. Since arriving she had been quite careful about what she would say around me. She was basically tip-toeing until we finally ran out of things to talk about. That was when she decided to being up Ashton. Matters were worse because she called him by his nickname like they still talked 24/7 behind my back.

"They canceled them." She took the bottle from me, watching with a smile as I cleaned Jack's face free of the mess he had made while eating. The band wouldn't just cancel tour dates for a wedding to happen a little earlier. Never. Their fans meant more to them than some cheap, abusive girl.

"How do you know about any of this?" I asked, adjusting Jack.

Mom walked away for a bit, I heard her digging through her suitcase in my bedroom.

"Your dad and I got this in the mail." She held a card up in front me.

Because of unforeseen events
Ashton Irwin
and
Sarah Johnston
have rescheduled their wedding for
April 19, 2019 at Gotham Hall
1356 Broadway, New York, NY 10018
Join us at 5 in the afternoon for the ceremony!
Dinner and dance will be at 7:30 pm

Pathetic! Absolutely pathetic!

I handed the burping job over to my mom, getting the urge to confront the problem and feeling greatly anxious. When that happened you know what I tended to do. The drill: pace around, maybe cry, do things on impulse, clean around the house a little bit. Right now I paced around and acted on impulse with my cell phone in my hand. Staring at the screen, I began to type what I thought were going to be harsh words.

Me: I can't believe you sent an invitation to my parents for your wedding.
Me: That's low, even for you.
Ashton: I can't talk right now. About to go into sound check.

"What did he say?" My mom looked over my shoulder, bouncing Jack on her hip.

"He's about to go into sound check." I mimicked in a high, annoyed voice.

Thirty minutes later my phone was buzzing with a text. Thirty minutes too late for Ashton because I was fuming and any filter I had obtained had since burnt down.

Ashton: I didn't send an invite to your parents. I don't know what you're talking about.
Me: New Photo
Me: Then why is my mom showing me this?
Ashton: Did you spend a few hours photo shopping that to make it look like mine and Sarah's invitations so you could find something else to get mad about?
Me: Why would I spend a few hours trying to create bullshit when this entire wedding is bullshit? Everyone knows it.
Ashton: is this your way to stop me from going through with it?
Me: Partially, because we all know how much of an idiotic move it would be for you to marry the bitch. She probably hunted down my parent's address and sent this to them.
Ashton: Don't call my fiancee a bitch.
Me: Sarah is a bitch.
Me: Sarah is a bitch,
Me: Sarah is a bitch.
Ashton: T
Ashton: STOP.
Me: She's going to break your heart Ash.
Me: She's hiding things from you that are terrible.
Ashton: Like you've never hid anything terrible from me...
Me: You can't hold that against me forever. I was 20 and scared. Not everyone had it together at the age of 20 like you did!!!
Me: I gave you my reasoning for why I kept it from you and I think you should stop being so bitter about it. I'm the one that should be angry about the entire thing because it happened to me not you. Get over yourself.
Ashton: Yeah maybe I do need to get over myself. But at least I'm not as fucked up as you are, T.
Ashton: Respect my decisions.
Me: Respect your decisions to be a fucking idiot? Is that what you want me to do?
Me: FINE, Ashton. I respect your decision to be a total fucked up idiot.
Me: Bye.