Psychosis

Truth

"Have you ever done something..but then didn't remember doing it Mrs. White?" I said quietly, staring up at the ceiling, counting the cracks and creases. The clock on the wall filled the silence most of the time, considering there was a lot of silence in this room. Consistent ticking kept me awake. I could hear it like a bomb going off and desecrating my mind. Because my mind was all over the place. I needed Mrs. White's help. I haven't slept for the past five days. I couldn't bring myself to sleep. Every time I would close my eyes...I would see her. That innocent woman lying on the ground, in a pool of her own blood. I couldn't take it anymore. I had to talk to someone. 

"Little things..going into the kitchen and grabbing some crisps, going back to my room, eating them and then feeling hungry a minute later, not remembering I just broke my diet for the 5th time" She chuckled and I smiled a bit. 

"You don't need a diet Mrs. White" 

"Tell that to my hips Alexander. Is there something you've done?" She asked me and I froze up a bit. I had been preparing myself for this question. I didn't know how to answer it. Because what do I tell her? I think I killed someone? No way. I had to think around it. I had come up with a plan but then again..I could tell her the truth. About who I am..what I am. I trusted her with my life. But if I told her about myself, my parents would kill me if they found out. 

"I woke up in the morning and my clothes were...dirty" I said the last word with precision. It was silent for a moment, all I could hear was the clock ticking on the wall. And then I heard the slight scribbling of a pen against paper. A slightly satisfying sound to me. 

"Dirty?" She said. I did not look at her. 

"Yeah..dirty" I repeated and closed my eyes tightly, instantly regretting saying anything. 

"So you're having blackouts?" She asked me after a few seconds and I nodded. 

"Sounds about right..it's freaking me out Mrs.White..I have no memory of anything. I only remember having dinner with my family and their friend, we had some wine, I went up to my room because I was feeling very tired and then nothing. I don't even remember getting into bed"

"When was this?"

"A few days ago" I answered and I heard her hum. She then sat her pen and pad down and crossed her legs. 

"Are sure it wasn't just the wine?" She asked me and I shook my head immediately. 

"I only had a glass. I don't even get a buzzing feeling from it usually. That's why it was so strange to me" 

"Did someone drug you?" My eyes snapped open and I sat up quickly, looking at her with a horrid expression. I thought she was joking but by the look on her face she wasn't joking at all.

"Why would my parents drug me Mrs. White? That's insanity. My parents would never" I crossed my arms and we stared hard at each other. 

"I'm only considering all options here Alexander. I would never intentionally offend you or your parents. But in order for me to help you, we have to open doors you don't want to go through. I am your friend Alexander. And I want to help in the best way I can. And if that means seeming like the bad guy now and then, I guess I'll just have to wear the mask" I sighed a bit and sunk back into the couch. She was right, of course. 

"I'm sorry..you're right. Just the thought it scary. I love my mom and dad. Couldn't think of them doing something so rash" She nodded in understanding before looking at the clock on the wall. It was half past 6 p.m. 

"Well..that's all the time we have today Alexander. Before we end the session, I do have a suggestion in case you have another black out. Take a notebook, log everything you do from the time you wake up to the time you go to bed. Being organized and keeping a schedule will help keep you on track while you try to get better. " She said to me and I nodded before standing up and shaking her delicate hands.