Psychosis

Departure

My attempts to get any sleep were almost futile. All through the night, I was tossing and turning, trying to force myself to rest before the journey ahead of me. I eventually resorted to watching YouTube videos on my phone. I hadn't caught up on HybridPanda in a minute so I was watching dead by daylight game-plays through out the night and into the morning where I slept through my alarm clock. I was to wake myself up at 10 A.M but instead found myself jolting up from a feeling in my stomach. My alarm had long shut up, failing to get through to me. 

What woke me was the impending departure from the place I had called home. I was sweating, it was hot in here just a little bit but it's more from the dread. I wiped the drops of anxiety from my forehead and pulled my knees to my chest, resting my head on them. Taking a moment, I looked around my bedroom, remembering the moments from childhood when the walls had a royal blue coat of paint with rockets and astronauts drawn on top. Courtesy of me of course. This room has changed a lot since there, the walls were red, the drawings were replaced with posters of my favorite bands and movies. The toy chest in the corner was gone and my desk occupied it's vacancy. Even though it has changed so much, it was always my consistent home when I wanted to just be by myself. 

I was going to really miss this place. 

Rolling out of bed, I grabbed my backpack and dumped out the contents such as my notebooks, text books and pens with missing caps. I grabbed a box from underneath my bed and pushed all of the school crap in it before pushing it back under my bed. School was the least of my concerns right now. I highly doubt it would be on my mind for awhile. 

Instead, I grabbed a few outfits, some underwear, socks and other stuff I could think of that would fit in my bag until it was full but not too heavy. I made up my bed and made it perfect before picking up some discarded clothes on the floor, putting them in my hamper. I turned off my computer completely and straightened up my desk, pushing the chair in and sighing a bit. After I had cleaned up a bit, I hid my bag in the closet and went to go take a shower. The house was empty and quiet it. Every move I made echoed off the walls. I got dressed quickly and dried my hair half way before letting the air do the rest. I wrapped my toothbrush in a little bag before exiting the bathroom. 

I made sure I had everything I would need packed up, including my coveted headphones. I slung my backpack over my shoulder and sent a text to Joel, saying that I was heading over now. I slipped my cellphone in my pocket and walked towards the door, turning around to glance at my bedroom one last time. On my dresser sat a picture of my mom, dad and I at the fair. It was my 13th birthday and that's all I wanted, was to just go out and spend time with them. I couldn't remember being happier after that night. Instead, I was slowly going in the other direction. 

I sighed, closing the door and going downstairs to the front door, opening it and then turning around to lock it. I looked at my house key and held it closely for a moment before slipping it under the mat, I wouldn't need it anymore.

With a sigh, I began my short walk over to Joel's house. I didn't feel like crying, I had done enough of it last night. I was just sad at this point. There was apart of me that wished I didn't know. Do you have just feel like, as selfish as it is, you want to forget about what you know now? To go back in time and just be at the happy moment that you could hang onto forever? That's what I wanted right now. But as magical and mysterious as this world is, it didn't work like that.

But I wanted to know more. You only have one life, whether it be eternal or short lived. I don't want to live my life in the shadows. Because I will always want the truth, no matter how bad it is. The fear of not knowing outweighs the bliss of ignorance. And I hated that I was made like that.