little by little | jungkook

twenty one

song: bitches broken heart ~ billie eilish

'pretty moments sews
stitches into all your bitches broken hearts .'

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mi na p.o.v.

days had passed by since i talked to jungkook and it wasn't because he didn't want to but rather because i refused to.

he would come up to me at my locker, at my car, or even during class begging me to just at least look at him but i couldn't.

every time i did, i wanted to cry. but i also wanted to hug him until the end of the world came. i wanted to be in his warm embrace but i refused to let him think what he did to me was okay.

it was now tuesday of the next week and i sat in my car getting ready to leave campus.

jaehyun had walked me over to my car and once again he asked me to wear his hoodie the next day.

i had been pretty good at making up excuses as to why i hadn't worn it yet, whether it was because it was too pretty to mess up yet or because i didn't want my mom to start asking me questions about who it came from.

with every lie, he believed me but the truth was i didn't want him to know jungkook took it. and i didn't want him to know what lead up to him taking it from me.

i knew if he found out, all hell would break loose and there was no point of that.

as i put my seatbelt on, i felt someone knock on my car window and i looked up to see jungkook with a pleading look on his face.

"please. please just talk to me." his muffled voice said from outside my window.

i knew the day would come when i would have to finally talk about what happened but it just felt too soon. all of this was happening too quickly.

i took a deep breath and unlocked my car. i watched as his eyes widened after hearing the sound and quickly ran over to the opposite side of my car.

"i'm sorry, i'm sorry, so sorry." he said after opening my car door and closing it almost immediately.

"stop." i said letting him know i wasn't going to accept his apology so easily.

he immediately closed his mouth and just stared at me.

i could feel my eyes begin to burn just thinking of all the things i had planned to say to him when this day came.

before i knew it the tears started coming down and i watched as the look on his face immediately changed and he brought his hand up to my face wiping the tears away quickly.

"please, stop crying." he said and i could see the hurt in his eyes as his own eyes became glossy.

"you hurt me jungkook. you really did." i said not trying at all to stop my tears.

"i-" he started but i cut him off.

"i have been sitting in my room everyday crying thinking about how you hurt me. it's been forever since i've been in a relationship and i'm just not ready for one if this is what comes with it." i said as he continued wiping my tears.

"mi na...you don't understand. just seeing the way he gave you that gift and the kiss...my heart, it ached. it made me feel like you weren't mine. and you promised me..."

i looked up at him to see the disappointment on his face. in himself and in me.

i never realized how jungkook would feel about jae and i but i could understand why he felt that way. i just wish he didn't have to tell me like the way he did.

"i'm sorry." i said dropping my head again.

"no, stop. don't apologize. just forgive me and let's start over." he said grabbing my hand causing me to flinch.

he noticed my change in movement and quickly let go of my hand.

"i-i'm sorry," i said while reaching back out to grab his hand, "we can start over..." i finished hesitantly.

i watched as a soft smile spread across his face but i just didn't feel the same way. i was still hurting.

"but maybe not in a relationship," i watched as his smile dropped, "maybe everything except the title?" i added hoping to release the tension that now was all inside my car.

it just seemed that as soon as we used labels, jungkook became different so maybe not using them could make things better, i thought.

"o-ok," he stuttered, not wanting to agree, "anything to get you back."

i could feel my face turn warm and i looked down while still holding his hand.

we sat there like this for a couple of moments. i liked us being like this.

"also, uh here." he said while reaching into his book bag and pulling out the hoodie in the plastic wrap.

"i'm sorry again, i don't know it just- i just know he likes you and it seemed like you like him too so-"

i slowly took the hoodie and set it down in the back while laughing, "jae doesn't like me."

"trust me, i know how guys are. he likes you." he said looking down.

i looked at jungkook trying to process his words. no, that couldn't be true. he probably just thought that because we talked often but no.

jaehyun liking me?

no way.

"well i have to go, text me?" he said hesitantly, unsure as to if i were okay with that yet.

i smiled softly before saying, "of course."

i watched as he opened up my car door, standing up causing me to grab his wrist and pull him back towards me giving him a small kiss on the cheek.

"bye." i said with a smile.

i watched as his face became red and he waved bye before running towards tae who was waiting for him on the other side of the parking lot.

i sat there for a while processing his words.

jaehyun liking me?

no way...i think?

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