Need // Ohgeesy pt.2

Part 43

She lets me know she's here for me and lets me know things I should know and how she coped with it. Atiya was really gone and I wonder and I don't know how she did it.

Once she leaves me alone I burst into tears and was so close to harming myself which I've never thought of.

I didn't say anything I didn't yell, it's as if I lost my voice. It felt like the worst feeling I've felt and I hated it. The pain in my heart felt as if my heart actually just got stabbed or taken away.

I let many tears fall I then see Handro walk in and he immediately rushes to me and I see he looks super torn.

His hair was very messy and his sleeves were wet from what I assume he used to wipe his tears.

We were both now hugging tight as we cried not knowing how to feel. We stayed quite not knowing what to say.

"Without that baby we would've never gotten together" I cry and he then looks at me with a tear stained face that had many tears. His face was so red and scrunched up and I wondered how I looked. Because I knew I wasn't any better.

"It's all my fault" Handro sits up tugging on his hair yelling it's his fault and yelling so many hurtful things to himself.

"Your ugly, your an asshole, your fake, your fucking worthless." He yells

"You don't deserve them" he whispers to himself falling to his knees.

I couldn't help but think it was our fault. If we didn't argue she'd be here. If I didn't continue to drive. If I didn't turn around. She'd be here.

I then slowly walk to Handro and pull him into my lap letting him cry some more. He thinks he should only hold me but ima hold him too.

"We go-tt this" I stutter while breaking more down and fixing his hair out his face.

"I don't think we do" his voice cracks.

It stays quiet once again.

I then continue playing with his hair and by now I believe I made his hair drenched from all my tears that have fallen on him.

He stays very still and looks emotionless but he had many tears falling. I then lean my head back on the wall. Wishing it could all just end.

I knew that night, something in our relationship died.

4:35am

I was then awaken and put in my small bed with Handro. Apparently I had banged my head but thankfully it wasn't anything serious to that.

I also was now going to have a big scar on my arm. The window broke and crashed into my arm.

I stayed awake crying while Handro shut his eyes so tight and when I touch his face he stops and he open his eyes to have many tears fall all at once.

His whimpering made me feel even weaker. My body shook uncontrollably.

While we layed Shoreline and our moms came in saying heart felt words but the encouraging words all left my ears quickly. Handro said thank you but I couldn't even bring myself to talk.

I then grab onto Handro collar pulling him closer and breaking down way more worse.

"It's both our faults isn't it" I whisper into his chest.

And he then hugs me tight but is careful with my arm.

"I hate this feeling" I cry and shiver feeling the pain travel throughout me.

"I wish Atiya was alive is all I can think" he smiles letting many tears fall.

I agree and look up at him seeing him blurry due to all the tears I held in my eyes that still have not fallen.

I then kiss him hoping to feel the butterflies he gives me to forget the pain in my heart. We kiss for a while but we both look at each other knowing what we both attempted to do. Forgot the pain. It didn't work.

I then grab Handro phone looking through our photos and he then takes the phone away seeing it was hurting me to look at it all.

" I can't I no longer have purpose" Handro whimpers getting up and I follow taking the things they put in me off.

"I do it's you Cmere" I cry and he then turns looking down at me looking really hurt.

He doesn't come so I hug onto his waist kissing his chest hoping he knew I was not gonna leave him any soon.

" I'm never going to leave your side" he kisses my head.

That was a lie.

Four months later, I still felt the pain of her absence.

I was now nineteen and him twenty.

We had the same friends and me and Bee became closer. Surprisingly Allure was a close friend now too.

He left last month.

It felt harder when he was gone. I finally stopped crying on the third month but I did cry once in a while.

It was tough on both of us and he said he needed a distraction so that's why I was now alone with Allure, Ella, and Bee at my house.

Well Handro and there's house.

We were planning on buying a house for the both of us though.

I hated that he left for tour but I didn't have the strength to go. I even found a distraction which was my job being a Starbucks employee.

I was also now catching up in my studies and was so close to what I always dreamed of.

Franky and Ella were now officially as she let us know right now.

I Then hear my phone ding and I look down smiling seeing my two favorite things.

Atiya was my lock screen and I had a message from Handro.

Handro 🌎☃️💚: bbg we just landed

Me: y'all all good?

Handro 🌎☃️💚: yeah

Me: love you mi amor (my love)

Handro 🌎☃️💚: I love you more

Me: sureeee

Handro 🌎☃️💚: alright I have to go but I'll call tn?

Me: better 💚🙄

Handro 🌎☃️💚: I gotchu 😭💚
Seen

The incident made us way stronger and he stopped his player ways officially. He would let me know if he danced with a girl at a club though.

Your probably wondering how does he do is music without talking bout bitches and him fucking them?

Well he now raps about me and gosh it can be so embarrassing. He also raps about him pulling up on niggas if they get near me.

But I love how he so honest about every wrong he does. But so do I.

We didn't want each other looking dumb out here.