Crescent Moon (Kyle J Simmons)

I Should Be Sleeping

Later that night, I lied awake in bed. Kyle was sound asleep next to me, and Mailey was safe in her room. Although it was 12:15 AM, I was restless. Nothing was louder than my mind in the middle of the night. I was clueless about who or what kind of people were in that van, or why they were chasing me and my daughter. I had done nothing wrong to another, at least not that I knew of.

Of course, that wasn't the only thing that bothered me. The whole concept of Kyle referring to me as 'Wolfie'. A big part of me wanted to take it as a compliment, but I knew he wasn't using it like that. I took it deeper than I probably should have. What bothered me the most was Kyle being silent about why he didn't like it.

As I walked around the house, I found myself entering the room I had for painting. It had been since the night I left that I had been inside. I felt sorry for not cleaning up the pile of hair I had left just months back. I wanted to, but now just thinking about that time made my stomach crawl. As happy as I was to have finally met my long lost family, there were other factors that made me hate myself. Leaving Kyle, leaving Mailey, and going after my brother whom I was blindly worried sick about. Not to mention the whole wolf thing. Although I didn't know the reason, I hated myself for doing this to Kyle.

I stared down at the floor, I couldn't help but notice a slight difference. Next to the machete I had used to cut my hair, there was a small stain of dried up blood on and next to it.

Kyle, I thought. He hurt himself because of me.

I should have stayed home. I should have held my breath and took care of my family here. Kyle, Mailey, Mum, Leah, even Alec. I might not have ever known about my other family that actually cared for me, but at least I would've been with the family that had always cared. I never would have associated with the wolves.

That was when I made the spur in the moment decision. I loved Kyle more than anything the universe could ever offer. I've loved him from that day I first met him when I was 11 years old. And after all the things he had ever done for me, this would be nothing.

I walked down the stairs and into the living room and yanked the jacket off of one of the chairs. Searching in the kitchen, I grabbed the first cardboard box I could find, stuffing the leather bundle inside. Then I took a pen and some paper.

Dear Father and Clarisse,

I apologize, but I feel like I must return this jacket. It is a gorgeous piece of you all and the rest of the Wolves, but I feel as though I don't deserve it. After all, I live in a different country and can never be around for the wolves as much as I possibly could. There is no point in me keeping it any longer, and I think you should have it back. I love both of you always and forever.

-Mandala

And it was finished. Before I knew it, I heard Mailey crying through the living room baby monitor. I ran as fast as I could up the stairs. Rushing into her room, I pulled her out of the crib and held her close to my chest, rubbing and kissing her head and face.

"Shhh. Mumma's here. It's alright, beautiful." I caressed her until she as fully calm. It put a huge ache in my heart just to hear those cries.

My baby looked at me with those brown beauties. She raised her little hand and placed it on my cheek, forming the most beautiful smile I had ever seen. I felt the biggest lump in my throat and the tears started rolling out. I'm not sure exactly what it was, but my system insisted that I cry. I would never let anything come in between myself and my family. Just the thought of it put pain in my chest.

I sniffed through the tears. "You know what Mailey? I don't care about anything anymore. Just you and Daddy. I don't care what happens to me. I just want you two safe."

She made a low sound with her mouth. I ran my fingers in her blond tangles. I couldn't resist her. I reached down and collected her yellow blanket and stuffed cat, carrying her to our bedroom. Then I carefully leaned back on the bed until I was laying on my left side. I kept her in my arms as she snuggled against my chest and fell asleep.

I looked at Kyle, who was completely knocked out on the other side of the bed. Just when I thought the pain had melted away, it came back even harder just looking at him. Who knew what was going on in his head the entire time I had been in France? Or every time he looked at me, knowing that I was "one of them"? Maybe it wasn't good enough of an idea to mail the jacket back to the Tyree Wolves.

Maybe the best thing to do was burn it. After all, Susan had burned my first wedding ring, all out of anger. She didn't care about the sapphire beauty or the outrageous resale value. She didn't want me or her to ever have to be reminded of it. Yes, I would have to destroy it. For Kyle and Mailey's sake.

Before I knew it, I watched as Kyle's eyes slowly urged open. He then started leaning up on his side. "Mandie...are you alright?"

I quickly wiped my face of the tears. "Yeah I'm fine. I'm so sorry...I didn't mean to wake you up."

I felt his hand on my face. "I'm not. I can tell something's bothering you, and you know you can tell me anything."

It was too late at night to he in such deep conversation, so I gave him my cut version of it. Although, I didn't know exactly what it was that was making me emotional.

"It's...I'm...I'm sorry for what I did to you back in January. I should've bever left you. Or her. I'm such an idiot, Kyle. And super naive."

I didn't want to be too loud. There was no way I could risk waking the baby.

"Mandala...no. You're wrong." he said. "It took a lot of nerve to do what you did, and I'm glad you were strong enough to do it."

"I don't understand. You've been avoiding a certain subject and calling me 'Wolfie'. Surely you're angry with me, aren't you?"

"Mans, I'm sorry. I am. If you really want to know the truth, I'll tell you whenever you're ready. And I've been calling you Wolfie just to mess with you. You still can't tell the differences between sarcasm and seriously, can you?"

"I have Asperger's, remember? I don't think I'll ever know what's real."

He laughed slightly. "Another reason I love you so much."

"Will you tell me," I said. "If you're comfortable with it?"

"Yeah, of course."

"Tomorrow? When we're not tired and we're alone?"

"Without doubt, Mandie. I love you." He wrapped his arms over my back. He pressed his lips into mine, and I then pressed even harder.

"I love you more." I said.

Yes, the jacket would be a pile of ashes by this time the next day...

The two of us dozed off in each other's arms. I found myself in quite an odd dream. I was back in Paris, hanging out with my little brothers. While Philippe and Andre both had their jackets on, I was in nothing but jeans and a black T-shirt. I kept playing with this beautiful, prominent tattoo of a wolf on my forearm. For some reason, I could keep my eyes off of it. Yes, I had a small baby's breath on my ankle and a pretty vine already inked on my neck, but this wolf was the most beautiful piece of actual art I had ever seen.