Have you ever tried to be yourself and not care about what society thinks of you?
Everyone would have done that!
What's the result?
You should have been told to correct yourself.
You should have been told to shut up and behave.
You should have b...
"I don't act and I never acted. That is all true. It's how I am." she said in angry tone.
"Then?" I probed.
"It happens naturally, when I am with them. I am afraid that they might snatch the little freedom I have. From childhood, I am observing and experiencing that. You know why I am studying in girls college? When I am in primary school, I used to have boys as my friends. They were so good to me. Of all, there is a sweet guy, Suman, who treats me as a best buddy. Unfortunately, once I fell sick during school hours, and not able to return to home by myself, he helped me, to reach home by carrying me on his bicycle. It was genuinely a helping gesture, isn't it ? But, to some of our relatives, it was not. They found it as a crime, complaining to our parents about my character. I reacted rebally to that not able to bear their nonsense. Though my parents know about me and believe what I say, they were not able to tolerate all their ranting. So, I was immediately shifted to girls school, then after again, girls college like that....Even when I got seat in prestigious colleges, I still have to go to nearest girls college. Tell me What's the wrong thing I did and why I am not able to school of my choice and not to talk to my friends who really cared me, ha?! This marriage, have I asked for it?? Like that there were many more, which made me to think twice about how to live my life. I got frustrated about it so many times. I used to hide from people, lock myself, became silent. After a lot of brainstorm, I decided to take a drastic turn in my life. I was asked to change and behave, because I was exposed. So, what if, I am not exposed, they won't have complaints right?! Then and there I decided to live this double life. Fake, unreal, cheating, whatever you call it, I don't care. I am accustomed to this lifestyle, so much that, I don't have to pretend, I am going to behave like that even in sleep. That's what this bloody judgemental people did to me. To my luckiness, I found Silly and Reehan, who were my backbones, who were there for me in all my ups and downs. I really love them a lot. Though they know all my true colours, they never judge me, never left me...until this marria........and I became alone. "
She stopped saying anymore. Tears were dripping from her eyes. She was sobbing as silently as possible. I felt pity for her. Till now, I also judged her. I thought she was acting but after what I heard from her, I felt guilty. There was so much about her, I don't know, I have to know. There was so much heaviness in her words which pierced my heart. I want to console her and say she doesn't have to feel being afraid anymore but that thought haven't came out as words, because, I know about my parents. They were not that much liberal. I want to say something to her to stop her from feeling sad.
"You can continue your friendship with Silly and Reehan, even after marriage, no one can stop you."
Really, I don't know. I said just to divert her.
"Haha, it's not that simple." She said sarcastically.
"Why? I won't object it. Even I will join your buddy gang, I too know them from childhood..." my so called good words were intervened by her.
"It's not always about you, Mr.Rizwan. It's Reehan, who don't want to talk to me."
"Why?"
"Because, he lov........., Actually.....I don't think, you will support me to be friends with boys, will you? Ha ha tell me, you even boycotted your friend who is that....Ha... Anand."
What's that...She was saying something about Reehan and then she changed the topic in 360° and teasing me. I have to react immediately.
"Anand is different, he had feelings for you, how can I allow, my friend to love my wif...I mean you. If our parents found, they will hang us without mercy."
"That's the same thing, I am saying. We can't be the same anymore. I heard, what your parent's views, about my studies. Your dad was already thinking, that I am going to cheat on you, if I go outside...even if it was to girls college." she turned to me shrugging her shoulders, saying it as a matter of fact.
I was stunned. I felt offended and at the same time guilty. I wanted to say something to oppose but, I cannot. Because, even it was unpleasant to hear, it was truth. I was unable to analyze, how much, she might felt hurt, after listening to dad. But, even after that, she cared him so warmly. Reminded him to take medicine, ordering our maid not to give so many cups of tea to him, before coming to shopping.
My views about her changed. I wanted to be in her good side. After today, I will never look down on her.
"You don't have to think about it so much. Because, I know, you will support me. They are just old people's beliefs, what do you say!?"
She said jokingly and immediately, closed her mouth with both hands, while still laughing.
Is she mocking!!?
I smiled at her, for her tactics, saying nothing and continued driving.
While shopping
She was a chatterbox, saying random things all the time. She bought college bag in one shop, stationary in another shop, shoes in some another shop. Like that we were visiting every shop in the complex. I was wondering what were her thoughts about it.
"Why are you buying in different shops, when they are available in any one shop ha? It can save our time and energy."
I am waiting for her reply, which always amuses me,
"Because, if we buy everything in one shop, only one person feel happy. But if we buy in so many shops, so many persons feel happy. How is my philosophy?"
"As always, speechless"
"Awee, thank you, thank you."
She excited at my praise, with so much enthusiasm.
Finally, we bought everything she needed for her college commitment, as in her words.
She took me to a near by shop, which was four wheeled, movable, selling different coloured Ice golas.
She ordered two for both of us then turned to me,
"As I said, I am giving you treat. I never go back on my words."
We both took the ice golas and she started walking to the car while savouring the taste. I too followed her, scrutinizing her actions. I felt a different, weird feeling, and I am smiling without any reason.....
To be continued...............
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