Shawn Mendes Imagines

96 - No Longer

Nothing is constant. In fact, as the philosopher, Heraclitus once said, the only thing constant in this world is change. I guess it's true. Each experience that you go through shapes you to become different, a better version of yourself. You grow, you learn, you change.

It's exactly why I wasn't surprise to feel as if things were not going well. It was as if a holding on to a rope that is slowly breaking, slowly leading me to my own doom if I don't let go. As if I accidentally dropped a knife and I have to decide whether to grab it mid air or just let it fall to risk not getting hurt.

 I think that my parents have gotten to this stage many times before. They would be distant from each other, only a quick greeting as they passed each other. They would even fight every once in a while and when they do, it gets a little out of hand to the point that they would yell at each other and even ignore one another for weeks on end.

My brother and his ex=girlfriend also had the same experience. They would fight, over the phone and face to face. They would end up screaming at each other until the latter decides to just stop talking to him. He would take his anger out on everyone around him, getting easily pissed at every small detail. It took two years of toxicity before they finally called it off.

Honestly, I want to keep holding on, to keep fighting for what we had in the past. But I no longer know if he's willing to do the same for me. I don't want to give up on him. He's everything to me. He's my home, my world, my heart.

"Hey." He muttered, planting a small kiss on my cheek as he passed by me on the breakfast bar.

"Hey. How's the recording doing?" I asked as he walked over to the refrigerator.

"Tiring but good, I guess."

"Any plans for tomorrow?"

"Um... A few interviews and a meet up with an artist the management thinks I should collaborate with for the next album. Why?"

"Just curious. We haven't gone out in a while so I was just wondering if you had plans and all."

"You do realize that I have to work, right? I can't give you one hundred percent of my attention."

"Shawn, stop. I don't want to have this argument all over again."

"We've had this argument before yet you never get it through your brain. I get that I'm busy all the time and I'm barely around but you know why. I have to provide for myself, even you for fuck's sake!"

"I'm not asking you to! We're literally even paying fifty percent each of everything! Like I said, I'm not having this conversation again. It's like a broken record and I'm done hearing it."

"Then maybe you shouldn't have been so selfish!"

"Do you know what else is selfish, Shawn?!" Staying with you even if it feels wrong. "The fact that I would actually stay with you even if you treat me like trash. The fact that I would drop everything for you because I love you yet you would probably never do the same. If you're tired of me, just say so."

The next thing I knew, he threw a glass at me, missing me by a good inch. I just stared at him in shock as it shattered against the wall behind me. I got up from my seat and stormed off into the guest bedroom, not wanting to go to the one we share. Love. Now that's something I really want to know the definition of. Is it worth sacrificing everything for the one you love? Is it worth all of the pain, the suffering, the tears?  Does love even exist?

I locked the door and slid down to the ground, the pain in my chest getting worse and worse until it eventually became numb. The tears that absentmindedly streamed down my face was eventually drying. I just sat there, not knowing what to do anymore. We've fought almost everyday for the past months but it has never got to this point and that's what scares me the most.

Everything changes, just like my heart. Feelings, memories... they all fade. Being hurt over and over again had made me realize that. Did I really love him? I don't know. Should I even admit this new discovery? I don't know. Is what we have even right anymore?

A knock on the door made me jump from my place, snapping me back to reality. I stood up and placed my hand on the knob but hesitated in opening it. I'm not ready for another argument. I don't want to keep fighting him. It's as tiring as it sounds, both emotionally and physically.

Do you really love him? Is he worth the pain he's inflicting upon you?

"Y/n... Let me in, please." He pleaded when he realized I wasn't going to open the door anytime soon. "Y/n, baby, please. Open the door, love. I'm sorry."

I shook my head as I felt myself getting weaker, tired of having to do this yet again. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath before turning the knob and immediately backing up before he could come in. Once he saw me standing there with a blank expression, his brown eyes started tearing up. He ran over to me and wrapped his arms around me tightly, as if afraid that I was going to disappear into midair.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I love you. I'm sorry." He cried over and over against as I just feebly wrapped my arms around his torso.

"Do you think we'll last long like our parents did?" He asked, planting kisses on my neck as we held each other.

"I think we'll last forever." I whispered, running my fingers down his bare back, enjoying the feeling of just being close to him.

"I love you. I always will."

"I... I love you too."

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A/N: Should I make a part 2 of this? 😅 I can't promise a happy ending though 😂 All of the sad imagines just in time for Valentine's Day since that's usually the day when I want to go around with a needle and a pair of scissors to pop every heart-shaped balloon and cut every rose. Besides, it's the day of our exit exams for senior high.

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