Never Knew

Losses

Ayame's Point of View

Omon.

Omon... Omon

...Omon...

The word filled my head as I laid on the ground looking at the moon.

"I know who you really are..."

Kagami really knew how to get in my head.

I closed my eyes trying to push the thought out, but I just couldn't shake it off. I hated not having control over my thoughts, I know you can't control them, but usually I can set them aside until I complete my missions. It's something I taught myself once I became an Azuma ninja.

I rolled over and tried to close my eyes, I'd rather sleep than worry over words Kagami said. I closed my eyes and tried to force myself asleep.

"Ugh" I groaned as I opened my eyes with anger. I can't sleep, all thanks to Kagami.

Why is this bothering me so much? Who cares? It's just a name? It's just a past life? I don't even remember anything from it? I only remember meeting Master Shiunsai and from there... nothing?

I sat up and hugged my legs, resting my chest on my thighs. I looked over and saw Tesshu sitting on a tree stump, he was motionless. I got up and walked over to him.

"Hm, Ayame? What are you doing? Do you not want to have the first rest?" He asked as he uncrossed his legs.

"I can't seem to rest, so I thought I would might as well be productive and do guard duty." I said monotony.

"What seems to be occupying your mind? Are you alright?" Tesshu asked as he got up.

"It's nothing, I should be fine. Go and get some rest, I'll stand guard. One of us should be well rested at least." I said trying to avoid the question.

"Alright, but you know I am available if you ever need to speak about what is keeping you up. For now, I will rest." He turned and walked away.

I took a deep breath as I closed my eyes. I opened them and took a seat on the tree stump.

I placed my hands behind me as I leaned backwards and looked up at the moon.

The moon.

Ever since I could remember, I've always felt a sense of calmness as I looked at the moon. No matter how bad times got, and man were they bad, I always seemed to look up at the moon as if it would fix my problems.

I remember back when Master Shiunsai first found me and carried me, for what seemed like days, and I would watch the moon and the stars before I fell asleep. Lady Kei's death, seeing her as death took over her body, she was dying in my arms and handing me the sisters bells as she looked into my eyes for one last time. "Please take care of Kiku", I looked up to the skies at night as I ran to find Kiku. Even when Tatsumaru fell, and I thought I had lost him forever, I would look to the night skies and seek guidance. When Master Shiunsai was murdered, and I didn't know how to handle it with out his wisdom, I would go to lay on top of our house in the Azuma village, for hours watching the moon. Tatsu even killed himself when I couldn't kill him, and I remember the emptiness that took over me causing me to jump into the ocean without a care. I even remember laying in the raft that night as I held my sisters bell, looking up to the moon questioning if I should even live?

I always looked to the skies, the stars, and the moon.

The moon.

It didn't do anything, but for some strange reason it made me feel sane, no matter how bad times got.

All of my worst experiences I would share with the moon.

The adversity I've faced have broken me, but I know I've become stronger. When Master Shiunsai trained me, I never mastered any one style of fighting because I had to be the best at everything, but I could not pick just one. Still, this doesn't mean that I am not a great fighter. Lady Kei's death allowed me to be responsible for more than myself and my missions. I grew as a person and learned that what I do goes beyond just me. Tatsu's death destroyed me, but that's when I knew I had to be strong for Princess Kiku, because I felt as if I had nothing, but I had Kiku. I learned that even when you're in the lowest or the low, the only way you can go is up.

My village may be gone, my family may be gone, my loved ones may be gone, but that is what my life is. I am Ayame and I am a strong Azuma ninja. I always have to remember that, and remember the wise words Master Shiunsai once said. "Life is full of losses, but these losses are what make a person. They can destroy you from the inside out, or can make you stronger than before."