The lost girl

The happy torture

After that unusual meeting I walked back to my house with confusion and fear. The fear of getting back had now started creeping on me and I was frightened of what would happen next.  As I reached my house I held the door knob and pressed my ear to the door to hear any sounds of shouting or abuses. Fortunately there were none. I opened the door slowly and carefully and tip - toed into the hallway . My mother had fallen asleep on the couch and my brother had also gone to sleep. We did not live in a very big house. It was medium size house which was more than a cottage but no big house. It had three rooms, a kitchen and a bathroom. Small but cozy. I looked around the house for any signs that would indicate my father's presence ,thankfully there were none.
Well my father or sperm donor as I call him is someone I'm not very scared of but the aura he emits and his strength are inexplicable even in his fifties. As u may have guessed I don't like my father much or probably I just hate him. He has shattered my dreams for a happy life and happy family into several small pieces which can never be mended back. At first when we were small he used to torture my mother abuse her, slap her, but now its different. Now not only do I protect myself but also my mother. I stand by mother and never let my father get near to her. Today was like everyday, my mom and dad were arguing , shouting , hurling abuses at each other but today I wasn't ready for this. Today was my birthday, though I hated that day, I still wanted a little peace in my house which was just the opposite of what happened at my house. I was done for life , my brain had stopped thinking and I had given up almost. I couldn't take this anymore , I had to do something which would help me get out of all this mess so I walked out of my house and without any destination in mind  had started walking along the streets. But now that I had been shaken and brought back to reality the only thing that mattered to me was my mother. How would I explain to her why I ran away and acted like a coward instead of facing it and taking her side. She would be so disappointed in me. I knew that she was as she didn't respond to my call. She shifted on the couch laid herself more comfortably and drifted back to sleep. I stood in my hallway with no hope. Despair and darkness waiting to inhale me inside of them as I walked up the stairs  to my room. My mother, the only person ever close to me had turned her back on me like literally . I walked up the stairs in silence and entered the room. I sat on top of  my bed and looked inside my drawer searching for my remedy and medicine to all my problems, the sleeping pills. After fifteen minutes of looking for the pills , I remembered ,I had taken the pills to school to escape the boring periods and an hour's lecture. I was sure I had left it there .Now I was sure of one thing , this night would be a torturous night.

I tossed and turned on my bed in hope that I may get some sleep but as usual it was not my cup of tea to sleep without those pills. The horrid pictures and images haunted me as I closed my eyes. The image flashing in front of my face just made me more vulnerable and I sniffed hoping that crying would help me out but it was of no avail. After 2 hours of trying to get sleep I looked up at the clock and saw it was 2 in the morning. I walked to my mirror and saw a girl staring back at me. I saw myself in the mirror . I had black hair which I had gained from my mother a perfectly carved face with blue eyes and full lips. My body was slim with a few curves. As people always referred a perfect body. But the things missing were a full hearted smile, eyes gleaming with happiness and a smile on my lips. It was usually a forced smile with a little curve of my lips. I stared intently at myself in the mirror trying to find out what was missing in me so that I could call myself beautiful like the others did. Then suddenly the boy who had saved me today flashed in my mind. I didn't know him but I felt his smile was innocent and he did not fake a smile at me like I did to most of the people. I was sure his life was complete and happy. Then as if a miracle happened and my eyelids began to feel heavy. I laid back on my bed and let the darkness engulf me as I let all those images flash in my mind but something about today was different as I seemed to be enjoying my torture.