Wild Desperation

Chapter 39

                                                     Sang

The next morning was business as usual, wake up, check snares, care for pets, have breakfast and move out. It felt like a weight had been lifted from my chest now that the boys knew about my father trying to create a cure and me hoping to finish the job he couldn't. I still left out the fact that my father had been the one to help create the virus but that didn't seem like something they had to know right now, at least he hadn't been the one to release it. With most of our traveling time spent in silence I had a lot of time to get lost in my thoughts when I wasn't intently scanning for threats in the area.

 I still hadn't given the boys an answer even if they didn't seem in any rush about my response, my feelings were still uncertain even to myself. I knew I liked them, but did I like them like them? The mere thought of falling for them, loving them and maybe even someday having children of my own terrified me. I hadn't been close with my sister or father when they died but even their deaths hurt a bit and when that little girl I cared for died, it was like my heart was ripped out of my chest. I could handle painful beatings, getting shot, being slashed by a mother bears claws but watching someone die that you cared about was a pain I couldn't bare, one I didn't want, right?

 I didn't know what I would do if something happened to one of the boys, even though I hadn't known them for very long they still felt more like family than my own flesh and blood had ever been, I didn't want to lose that. "Hey Peanut, do you really think there might be a cure somewhere in Charleston?" Nate asked on one of our pit stops to let Sean and the animals rest. "I don't really know for sure but one can hope I guess, I think the real question is what would we do if there really was a cure?" I sighed as he took a seat beside me. "Save the human race for a start." Nate raises with a chuckle. 

"But will the cure save the human race or just prolong it's demise, in order to save them they have to want to be saved." I frowned, I startled slightly when he placed his hand over my own. "You might be surprised how many want that Peanut, all they need is something to hope for. I can kind of relate to the virus making my life better than it was before you know." Nate sighs sadly and I squeeze his hand tightly in reassurance as I listen intently for what he wants to say.

 "My dad used to beat me before the virus killed him, it hurt being alone but it also gave me a new freedom. I was lonely for a little while until I met up with the other guys at a compound and they became my family, funny how the virus that killed billions is one of the best things that ever happened to me." Nate murmured as his thumb ran across the back of my hand, over and over. "Now that I can relate to." I huffed as he met my eyes, understanding, longing and something more glinted back at me.

 "After all without this deadly virus we would have never met you, and who knows where we might be then?" Nathan's voice is low and the stroke of his thumb over my hand combined with his glance down at my lips has my heart suddenly racing as I fight off the heat threatening to rise up in my cheeks. "Nathan I..." I breathed softly at his close proximity, stupid hormones chill! "Peanut I know you don't know how you feel about us and I'm okay with that but I need you to know that I really do like you, we all like you. I don't know if you believe it yet but it's true and I just wanted you to know that the other guys are not the only ones who want you Peanut but I won't push too much." Nate whispered out as he suddenly leaned forward only to place a gentle kiss against my cheek before Owen was calling that it was time to get moving again.