Untold. // Phan

Chapter 2

My dad smiled briefly at me after he stepped out of the house and saw me. Addy had returned into the house some time ago to unpack more boxes. She once again asked me if I wanted to come with her, which I denied. Of course, she had sent my father. She had probably told him to take it easy.

The smile on my part wasn't even really fake.

"Don't you want to come inside so I can show you everything?" he asked after he placed himself right next to me. I just shook my head and looked down, hoping he would leave me alone. I heard him sigh.

"Where do you want to sleep?" He sounded worried and a little desperate.

"Not there." I answered and looked at the house. "The car is big enough."

"Do you want to sleep in the car forever?" I looked up.

"Sure, why not? My first little apartment." I shrugged. We laughed briefly, but we both knew we didn't find it funny. The situation was tense enough, why not at least try to relax. I ran my fingers through my hair trying not to make eye contact. Neither to my father, nor to the house.

"I understand why you don't want to, I really do or at least try to." He put his hands on my shoulders. "But without you, without us, it won't work."

The truth is, I didn't wanted it to work, but I couldn't say that.

"I just want to show it to you, then I'll get you a pillow and you can sleep in the car, if that's what you need." I looked up and I knew that I had lost.

Likewise, I knew that I wouldn't sleep in the car.

So I nodded, and my father smiled at me, relieved. He put his arm around my shoulder and we slowly walked towards the house. It felt like there was an invisible wall between me and the house, because I felt so repelled. As if the house hated me as much as I hated it. Actually, that didn't matter because I entered it anyway.

Because of the huge windows it was sunlit and I could tell, that it has a small garden. Much smaller than our garden in Wokingham, but I tried to suppress this idea. I tried to ignore that the kitchen was much smaller, the living room had a weird layout, that there was no bathtub and that my future room was smaller than my old one.

To be honest, all these details weren't important, because in the end, it was just a house and it served the purpose of a house.

However, I was just at the point where the purpose of a house wasn't important to me. I stood in the room where I had to live soon. As if nothing ever happened. The house was redeveloped, new flooring, new walls - I heard how my father told me all this, but my memory put all this information in a drawer that was very unimportant to me.

"You can paint it and decorate it as you want." I nodded. From the window I could see our little garden and I could climb on a part of the roof if I wanted to.

-2:00 am-

As long as we had nothing but a shabby air mattress, Addy and I decided to live together in a room. Honestly, it was Addy's idea. She said she didn't want to be alone. Partly I believed her, but another part knew that she just wanted to make sure I wouldn't run away. But that didn't bother me. I didn't want to be alone either.

It was pleasantly warm outside. We sat on the roof, sharing a blanket and staring at the other houses. In Wokingham, we were always sitting on the roofs of friends, because you couldn't reach ours. Now we had no friends, but at least a roof.

There was no wind, you could hear nothing except a few crickets. It was full moon and it felt like we could see all the stars in our galaxy. It was so bright, almost uncommon that it was the middle of the night. Some of the houses were still lit and I wondered what was going on in those houses.

Has anyone fallen asleep watching TV? Did someone have a baby that couldn't sleep at night? Game night? Sleepover? And the most important question, who of them had sex?

"Is it really that bad here?" Addy tore me out of my thoughts.

"No." I answered and I felt her astonished look on me. I didn't look at her, but stared down into our garden. "It's bad everywhere."

"I know." Of course she knew.

Addy kept turning to the window to make sure the light wasn't turning on in the house. But at some point it was as if her eyes were frozen at the window.

"Do you think he is sleeping?" she asked worried.

"Certainly not, but we'll pretend we don't know that."

"Dan..."

"What do you want to do, go to him and talk to him as if you are his therapist, it doesn't matter."

"He is all alone."

"And for a while he will be." I said coldly, scaring myself even after those words left my mouth. Addy looked at me as shocked as I looked at her. I buried my head in my hands.

"I'm sorry, I don't know why I said that." I muttered to myself. Addy put her hand on my shoulder and squeezed gently. "I want to go home."

Addy didn't say anything, gently stroked my shoulder while I was still trying to hold back my tears. I won't cry anymore, not in this house. For a while, none of us said anything until I realized that my heartbeat had normalized.

Slowly I raised my head and I realized for a second how tired I actually was. My head was heavy and my eyes were burning. I wanted to curl up on the spot and fall asleep. Addy would made sure that I didn't roll off the roof.

"He just wanted a fresh start." Addy started and actually I had no desire for a profound conversation, but it was two o'clock in the morning and around this time, brains work different. 

"It wasn't over." I stated and Addy looked at me sadly.

"Then see it as a new chapter." she tried to smile.

I sighed and saw the lights go out in one of the houses.

It seemed to me that I couldn't finish reading the other one. As if it had just been ended, as if it had broken off in the middle of the sentence. As if you had never written it, just had the idea of it.

I didn't say this out loud, though.

"Let's be creative, new chapter, we are writing." she started.

"You want us to collect ideas?"

"Yes, I start." I wanted to roll my eyes and maybe I did. However, I had to smile, because wasn't that the stupidest idea in the world?

"What if we find new friends."

"Your expectations are a little too high."

"Oh, shut up!" She slapped my shoulder and laughed. Because she was laughing, I had to laugh and so we both laughed.

"No, seriously, what if you get yourself a cute little boyfriend?"

"Sure." I rolled my eyes.

As if someone would want me like that, I thought and looked at my arms. Although I had a long-sleeved shirt on, but I knew what was underneath. And nobody wanted what was underneath.

"What if I get a boyfriend?"

"Woah, calm down right here!" I said with my big brother voice.

"Shut up, you had your first boyfriend with fourteen. Fourteen! I'm sixteen."

"I'm only a year older than you, Madame, but that still makes me your big brother, I have a role to play here." She rolled her eyes, but laughed. "But if I slip out of this role for a moment, maybe there's some poor bastard out there who will hopelessly fall in love with you and-"

"I hate you."

"I love you too."

And for a few minutes, maybe even hours, it felt okay. As if nothing bad ever happened, as if I didn't hate this house, as if it was possible that everything would turn out fine. That it would be possible that I don't hate my life.

~~~

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