Untold. // Phan

Chapter 28

WARNING: SMUT THAT ISN'T JESUS APPROVED

***

Phil's dad wouldn't make it to Christmas. He had promised him that he would come to New Year's Eve, no matter what would happen. And he really wanted to get to know me. At least Phil had said that to me with a sad smile.

He had last seen him during the summer vacation. It has always been like this.

His parents divorced when he was six and since then it has been the same. His father came on holidays and when he turned sixteen, he flew alone to America to visit him.

We both spent Christmas with our family. Phil's grandparents invited us, but my father refused. He wasn't ready for it and I knew that. I wasn't too.

So we spent Christmas separately or on the phone. We would re-celebrate it, somehow.

Christmas at home was weird. Officially, there were no gifts, my dad just couldn't. Instead, I met Addy in my room and gave her an eyeshadow palette she asked for for a few months, and I knew to be honest that she wanted it as a Christmas present. She didn't want me to think about it and it was okay, because she was still happy. She gave me new headphones that I hadn't bought for three pounds in some cheap store.

And so it was okay.

We smoked a joint together for the first time after the hospital.

"It's Christmas, you can treat yourself." She said and I didn't mind. I was there and I felt that she was feeling better.

The day after Christmas, Phil's grandparents made us a present: they left and so Phil was alone at home.

"They're going to my auntie's and I didn't really feel like it anyway, and after begging a bit, they said I could stay here." Phil grinned as I asked him for details.

He gave me a new video game and said it was a shame we only had one.

I gave him a yellow sweater with a Pikachu face on it. I knew that it wouldn't be the only gift from me. We had ordered pizza, ate it, played some of his games, cuddled, made out and eaten even more.

The later it got, the more nervous I became. The nervousness almost took over me as we walked upstairs to his room.

"Dan, is everything alright? You are so tense." Phil asked after a while.

"Everything's fine."

"For sure?"

"I have another gift for you, if that's what we are gonna call it."

"Okay." Phil laughed slightly, a little uncertain. "What is it?"

"Me." I said meekly, more uncertainly than ever before in my entire life.

"You mean?" he asked with a frown. I nodded, because fuck yes.

"If you want."

"God yes." Phi's eyes wandered over my body as if he would undress me. As if he didn't know where to start and to be honest I just really didn't know. The last time was long ago and I also had a different opinion of myself.

"But." he started and I knew that it would come. "I can't just put my hand in your pants here, you know?"

"I know, Phil." I tried to laugh and actually managed to reasonably, because he sounded so sweet when he was uncertain and excited. "It's alright, I trust you."

He looked at me wide-eyed, as if he had never expected to arrive at this point and to be honest, I hadn't expected it either. Before I could count to three, Phil was on top of me and pressed our lips together again and again. I buried my hands in his hair, he was holding himself upright so he wouldn't just fall on me.