Untold. // Phan

Chapter 21

I'm much more of myself when I am with you.

***

If someone had told me that this would happen, I wouldn't have believed the person for a second. Fuck, I hadn't even believed Addy.

I was so fucked up. So damn fucked up and still had so much luck.

For about a week Phil and I were somehow together. In our own little world. We spent a good amount of time together, either in person or on the phone. I wanted to spend every second of my fucking day with this boy, and thank god it looked like he was the same.

Either we were at his or my place. My dad was just glad I had some kind of friend and didn't ask annoying questions, that I didn't want to answer yet. When he and I played video games, Addy sometimes sat down and Phil and she seemed to get along quite well. But we didn't say anything and we tried to behave inconspicuously.

It was selfish, but for a little while, just for a short moment, I wanted him for myself.

Right now I was at his place. We laid on his bed, rather I was more on him than on his bed.

My head was on his chest. Our legs and fingers were equally tangled. Phil stroked my hair and stared at the ceiling. My eyes were closed.

Phil was way too good for me. He took care of me, whether I wanted it or not. But if I left my pride behind and was honest, I wanted that. Someone who cares about me. He was careful, but maybe that's just what I needed.

We often just laid there, sometimes talked about everything and nothing at all and sometimes we were just enjoying each other's presence. But the last week we were both too happy to talk about our problems. Actually, I hoped we would never get to the point.

"Weird, right?" he started.

"What?"

"We just met two months ago and now we're here, isn't that weird? I mean, not in a bad way, but-?"

"You're rambling." I laughed and propped myself up with my elbow, whereupon I could look Phil in the face. "But yes, it's a bit weird. But good weird, right?"

"Of course." I leaned down and slowly kissed him. Phil put his hand on my neck. And for a while, we just made out. A while that could go on forever.

I wouldn't have a problem staying with Phil in this bubble forever.

At some point we ended the make out session. Our heads shared one of his billions of pillows.

"At the beginning I was afraid that you didn't mean this seriously, you know, when we were camping." Phil confessed.

I frowned confused.

"But the next day, when you gave me that half-speech after school." I rolled my eyes as he reminded me of that cheezy fact again. He laughed briefly, and grabbed my hand. "That's when I knew you were serious. And it was really cute."

"Shut up!" I slapped him on the shoulder and buried my face in the pillow. I heard his laugh and even though I didn't see his face, but I knew exactly what it looked like.

"Come on, don't you want to be my cute boyfriend?"

"I am you're cute boyfriend." I muttered into the pillow and heard his laugh again. 

"Yes, you are." Phil put his arm around my torso and pulled me closer, forcing me to get my face out of the pillow. He smiled at me and holy shit, I was happy.

Phil Lester made me happy.

I knew that I could never give him back the luck he gave me. And often when I thought about it, I was sorry. Now when I was with him and saw that he was smiling and we were fooling around together, I wasn't as aware of it as when I was alone in my room, while everything was quite around me.

And even if I tried, it would never be enough and I knew that. The question is, is that important? Or was I just selfish right now?

All I wanted was Phil. I wanted him in the morning when we went to school, at noon when we sat on the sofa and played Mario Kart and in the evening when we ordered pizza. I wanted something good and Phil was pretty good.

I wasn't.

***
vote and comment, please? :)
also, this chapter is like really cute in my opinion. innocent cute, yknow what I mean?