Chapter 35

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I had been in the hospital for exactly one day. In the evening I felt so good that I could eat something and Phil even had to pull a candy bar out of the machine because I really wanted something sweet. Unfortunately Phil had to go in the evening.

The next morning I was able to go home.

My dad wasn't really angry with me and I was grateful to him for it. Addy didn't speak to me about it. Even weeks later, she had never picked up on the subject. She just hugged me when I got out of the hospital and after that the topic was done.

I was getting better. Not good, but better. I didn't drink alcohol at first and stopped taking drugs. It had only made everything worse than it already was. And I didn't want to pump myself up because of the wrong motives.

A few weeks later I was sitting on the terrace with my father.

"Was there a reason?" I asked my father now in a sober state. I still didn't like to talk about it, but I wanted the answer to that question. When I needed it high, I needed it even more when I was sober. Maybe I could conclude a little with the topic. Delete one point from the list.

"I don't know."

"Really?" I asked carefully.

"I don't know an exact reason. She had always been sad, but you know that."

"How do you live with it?" I then wanted to know. How did he do it? With Addy? With me? With himself? He lost the love of his life, I knew that. I couldn't imagine losing Phil.

"I have you two." He smiled sadly. "We have each other."

I nodded.

Maybe I realized from that moment that you wouldn't know everyone's story. That some stories just stop at some point and you can't even tell them anymore because you don't even know them.

A few days after I was released from the hospital, I got an appointment with a therapist and decided to go alone. The wait was a little longer, but I had promised Phil. My dad was happy when he heard it.

Phil and I were just us.

Phil never spoke of it again. But he took more care of my behavior. That's why I didn't drink anymore, I rather beat up Phil's punching bag. Made more sense, caused less pain.

Phil had shown me a picture of his mother at some point. Probably because he had thought of her again. They hardly looked alike. She had light brown hair, almost ginger.

"Is that why you dye your hair?" I asked at some point and he shrugged.

"May be, yes."

For the summer, Phil and I planned to fly to America to accept the offer from his father. America sounded good, sounded like a good activity. To travel with Phil sounded like a wonderful summer activity.

"Then we can go to the beach." Phil dreamed when he told me what we could do together.

"You want to go to the beach with me?" I asked skeptically.

"I don't give a shit what people think about you. For me you are the most beautiful boy in the world." I rolled my eyes. How could I deserve him? "We could have sex in the ocean."

"Jesus Christ." I laughed and buried my head in my hands.

I had got the best of all the idiots out there. And I had no idea how I deserved it.

It was getting better at school. I was able to concentrate better and got along better, thanks to Phil. Phil made me study at least an hour a day. Maybe sometimes I was rewarded for it. Maybe.

Our friends knew about Phil and me. Of course they knew, we were horrible at hiding. But they never said anything about it. They just left it. As if it had just always been that way.

One day I was sitting alone on the meadow with PJ while the other boys were playing soccer.

"So you and Phil." He said at some point when he had noticed that I couldn't take my eyes off him. I turned my head and just looked at him but didn't answer. "We've known it forever, but we didn't want to forestall you."

I laughed briefly and looked back at Phil, who was just shooting a ball into the goal.

"You're doing well." I still didn't believe I could do Phil any good. "You look better than when you first came here."

My eyes went back to PJ.

"You're weird, to be honest. And we've always noticed that, but we don't care. You're cool, I like you." He said at some point. "But honestly dude, if you need anything, I don't know. We are friends, okay?"

"Thank you, PJ." I said after a while and smiled at him. He smiled back and patted my back.

And from that moment on I somehow knew that it would be okay. And to be honest, all of that was thanks to Phil because he was the annoying appendage he was. If he hadn't tried, I wouldn't have ended up here. In a meadow with friends and a pretty boy.

And when he dropped me off at home after school, I just hugged him forever until he asked me what was going on. I started to laugh.

"Thank you." I broke away from him and he looked at me in confusion until he started to grin.

"You're welcome." I kissed him.

End.

***
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So, the last chapter huh? The fucking end. Jesus Christ.
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I have another fanfic -> Powder.

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