Untold. // Phan

Chapter 14

"Your grandparents are nice." I said after entering his room again. Philip smiled gently and dropped onto his bed.

"They are the best." I smiled at sat next to him.

"Where did you always go camping?" I came to talk about the previous topic.

"Not far from here, a bit higher than the sports field, you can see the whole bloody village from up there, I always liked to the pretty few." He explained and I nodded understandingly.

"I'm in."

"Then we'll do it as soon as it suits you." He smiled gently up at me.

We just sat there for a while. I watched Phil. He had pretty hair, but they were coloured, I could tell. His eyes were a mixture of a lot of colours. But mostly they were blue. And he had pretty lips.

"Doesn't your granny get scared if you have a guy with you overnight?"

"As long as nobody gets pregnant, it's okay." I started laughing. "That's her words."

"Really?" I still laughed.

"Yeah, when I was with my ex, I was really scared to ask her if he could stay here and well, that was her reaction."

"Your grandma is awesome!" I said and he nodded in agreement, but also started to laugh.

For a while we sat there and didn't say anything until I broke the silence.

"How was he?"

"My ex?" I nodded cautiously.

"He was good, we just lived apart, it wasn't a dramatic breakup. "

"Was he your first boyfriend?"

"Yes." He smiled lightly and pulled at his fingers. "Even if it wasn't dramatic, it was a shitty time."

"Understandable." I nodded. "How long have you been together?"

"One year, well, one and a half if you include that back and forth in the beginning." he said. "We broke up six months ago, but I don't know, somehow I expected it would affect me more."

"That it would make you sadder?"

"Yeah, I mean, isn't that the big part of a breakup?"

"It depends on the situation, I guess."

"Maybe." He frowned and I noticed that he hadn't even looked at me for the whole conversation.

I assumed that there was more behind it, but I think that was a topic for another time.

At some point he took a deep breath, as if he had held his breath for ages.

"What about you Daniel Howell, who never talks about himself. Do you have someone?"

"Do I look like?" I asked deadly seriously and he started to laugh. No idea what was so funny about it, but his laugh made me grin.

"It could be."

"No it couldn't."

"Come on." He winked briefly and I thought for a moment that I was blushing. "But you certainly had someone."

"A long time ago."

"What is long time ago?"

"I was fiveteen." I answered.

"Tell me about her." he insisted.

"He was good." I looked at Philip who just nodded. I didn't know what reaction I expected, but it was okay. "Everyone thought we'd just stay together for a moment because they thought we were too young, but in the end we were together for almost two years, but the last few months were a long-distance relationship, that was shit, but I think if he had never moved away, we would still be together."

"Do you still have contact?"

"No, I live my life, he lives his own. Somehow there would be no point in being friends."

I took a deep breath and looked at Phil, who looked like he had a thousand questions. And something in me wanted him to ask all questions. Somehow I wanted to tell him everything and in the next moment nothing at all. I noticed that I opened up to him, that I gave him the opportunity to hurt me a lot and I still didn't know if I wanted that.

"Do you still have contact with your ex?"

"We sometimes see each other at parties, but not in private." I nodded understandingly.

He already laid there, so I decided to just fall backwards. We both laid on his bed and stared at the ceiling.

"I would like to go to parties with you." 

"We can arrange that." he laughed. 

I realized how unreal it all was here.

A few weeks ago I felt I would hate it here. That I would hate everyone. That nothing would ever become normal again.

And here I was. Far away from hate.

I realized that I was starting at Philip, but why should I change that? He literally was a ray of sunshine, with his colorful clothes and blue eyes and dark hair and his fucking smile. He made me feel better. Safe.

We were so damn different. 

"What?" Philip asked with a grin as he realized I was staring at him.

"Nothing." He raised his eyebrows. "I trust you, Phil. I want you to know that."

He looked at me a bit surprised. His eyes wandered until he began to smile softly.

"You can." 

And in the most inappropriate time, I fell in love.

My family continued to break, my sister was in the hospital, my father broke more and more every day, even though he didn't say a word. And me, well, I was just completely fucked up. 

But for a few seconds I forgot about all that. 
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