Untold. // Phan

Chapter 12

I've been tested like the ends of a wheater flag that's by the sea.

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WARNING: DRUGS, SUICIDE ATTEMPT (?)

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When I arrived at the hospital, my dad was sitting on one of the benches at the entrance. My dad looked at the bike but said nothing because it was the most unnecessary thing in the world.

He stood there as I ran towards him. I put my hand on his shoulder and asked him where she was. He then said that we should go in. I just nodded. Talking in front of hospitals was never a good idea.

We took the elevator to some floor. I didn't think it was important, so I didn't pay attention to which station it was. We sat down on a bench while I expected to go to some room where Addy was lying in a bed, smiling at me. I had expected that everything was not as bad as expected, but at that moment I realized that maybe it was a thousand times worse than it looked.

"She's just getting her stomach pumped out." He finally said and I looked at him shocked.

"What?" I asked in shock, trying to stay seated. Did she take drugs and exaggerated? Did she eat something wrong? Drank too much?

"She gets her stomach pumped out."

"I understood that, I meant, why?" He didn't want to say it. I noticed how he resisted saying it. Either way, I would find out, so why not just say it?

"The doctor said she's okay."

"That's not what I asked."

He looked at me and I really had no idea what that look meant.

"It doesn't matter, Dan." He looked at me desperately and something broke inside me. Maybe my heart, which I didn't know was still doing anything. "It's so much worse when you sit in front of me." He turned away from me and stared at the floor.

He couldn't tell me.

"I'll find it out anyway, dad." I didn't know how I stayed so calm. I was probably just tired. My brain was still working on reserve. From that point on, I didn't even know if I wanted to know.

"I came home earlier. Adriana came down the stairs a few minutes later, she was quiet and apparently wanted to go out. I realized something was wrong and when she realized that I was there too, she just stared at me and then she fell over." he told me. "I called the ambulance Dan, she was totally drunk."

For a moment, I just looked at my dad, but showed no reaction. She had drunk too much that sometimes happened, but my dad had never knew it. In Wokingham I had often carried her to her room when she came home drunk. She was the one who'd run away in the evening, but no one ever got it and it always went well.

It wasn't just alcohol.

"I was so glad you weren't there." he muttered in the end. "I was glad that I was home earlier."

For some time it was quiet. I wanted to ask but didn't know how. I didn't even know what to ask. All I knew was that that wasn't the full story.

"It's not just alcohol poisoning. If it was just that, you wouldn't hold yourself back, so what is it?" I asked, looking at him, which made him swallow hard. "What did she take?"

It had to be something like that. Any drug. Something harder than grass, much stronger. And then in combination with alcohol. Would she tell me if she had stronger drugs? We used to talk openly about drugs, I even told her that I had already tried a lot more. But lately we had the conversation in which I told her she shouldn't take other drugs. I certainly deterred her. I'm an idiot.

"My sedative." I looked at him perplexed.

"What?" I asked reflexively, so I immediately shook my head to show him that I didn't need an answer. I got up.

"Dan."

"Wait." I said curtly and drove through my hair. My eyes were closed, my hand stayed in my hair. No drug. Honestly, that was not reassuring.

"One pill?" At some point I turned around, hoping he would nod. But he didn't do anything. Before I could decide whether I wanted to continue my train of thought or not, I already had the result.

"She took an overdose." I whispered to myself. I hadn't been there and she had overdosed. My gaze wandered to the floor, as if there were any answer.

She didn't want to hurt herself, she would never do that.

My dad did nothing, just looked at me. At some point he got up and put his hands on my shoulder.

"But she's okay, you can see her tomorrow, and then everything will be fine." I didn't look at him. My eyes were still fixed on the ground, but somehow I managed to nod. Just to show him that I could hear him.

"Tomorrow." I repeated softly. "So we'll stay here now, until-"

"I don't want you to stay here."

"What? But-"

"Dan, please, don't do that to yourself." I wanted to argue, but he was so fucking tired and I felt sorry for him. My sister was here in this creepy hospital and she would wake up and only my dad would be here.

But he was right. I shouldn't do that to myself. Maybe I wouldn't stand it. That was the first time that I was honest with myself and I hated it.

"But I don't want you to be alone at home."

"Maybe I can sleep at someone else's place." I suggested immediately. "If not both of us, then at least you."

My dad looked surprised but grateful.

"By whom?"

"Someone from my school, the guy who was there when I didn't go to school, remember?" He nodded and didn't elaborate. My father patted my shoulder and dropped back onto the bench.

"Do you need something?" I asked and he shook his head.

"Just let me know where you are." I nodded.

"Tell me when I can come."

"Yes, yes I will." He would fall asleep on this bench, I knew that.

Slowly I turned around and ran towards the exit. I wanted to puke.

Why is my life like that? Why can't it be okay again? Instead, we are constantly in hospitals. I sat down on the small stone staircase at the entrance and lit a cigarette. I've always had the pack with me in case of an emergency.

I pulled out my phone and texted Philip.

D: Is it okay if I stay at your place tonight?

D: I don't need much, I can sleep on the floor.

That sounded desperate, but that I was. I didn't want to go to this house.

In fact, it wasn't very long before he was online and responded to my message.

P: Of course! Are you okay?

D: I don't think so.

It took a few seconds for him to start texting.

P: Are you feeling better when I tell you that I have a couch?

D: A little bit.

P: Great.

D: I'm still in the hospital, but will go immediately. I'll be there in half an hour.

P: Ok.

I stubbed out my cigarette, got up and ran to the bicycles.