Untold. // Phan

Chapter 22

It was a Saturday evening. I spent all day with Phil. We had eaten, played video games and tried to learn some stuff for school. However, the attempts were interrupted by totally unasked make out sessions.

I still couldn't really believe that Phil existed in my life. I said that too often, and Phil always grinned silly at me. Or I heard his smile through the phone.

He always said something like that, that he had been here before me and that I just crashed into his life.

Sometimes we talked until late into the night because we said we wouldn't be able to fall asleep when the other was so deep in our thoughts. Sometimes I fell asleep and when I woke up Phil was still on the line. We always said we couldn't wait for the moment when we really fell asleep side by side and woke up. Like on the camping trip.

We hung up and met in front of Phil's front door half an hour later.

It was all so sweet and fresh, like those stupid love movies.

Now I was back home, in my reality.

With a father who was absolutely not okay and hid his medication. And with Addy, who hasn't been the same since the hospital. She still felt guilty, and I tried to talk her out of it. There was no reason, it wasn't her fault.

It was nobody's fault.

We sat together on the roof.

Addy had made us hot chocolate, which, to be honest, I hadn't drunk in forever.

Addy didn't want to drink alcohol, she didn't want to smoke a joint anymore. It seemed like she was suddenly terrified of all this. Of what it could do with her or what it had done with her before. She had said that to me and I had told her that it was okay. That maybe it was even better.

"You spend a lot of time with Phil." she started and I took a sip from my cup, nodding. "I like him."

"I can see it when you win against him in Mario Kart." I laughed and she grinned proudly. I think she knew he always let her win.

"You like him, right?"

"Yes, I think everyone likes him."

"Yeah, but you like like him." I swallowed hard, but skillfully avoided her gaze. I couldn't lie, maybe I didn't want that. "And he likes you."

"We are really bad at hiding."

"Yep." she nodded and I started to laugh. I looked at her, but she just smiled at me.

"I would have told you." I tried to talk myself out of it.

"I know, of course I know." she laughed. "I knew he would be good for you."

"You were right once." She grinned proudly again.

And how right she was and I really hoped, with everything I had, that she was still right.

"I haven't seen you laughing like that forever, and sometimes I hear you chuckle on the phone at night. I like it when you're happy, Dan."

I smiled gently at her and she rested her head on my shoulder.

It was autumn and it was getting cold in the evening to sit on the roof. But we did it anyway. We dressed warmly, took a blanket and from now on a hot drink. And then you could live with it.

I hoped that someday we could take Phil to this roof.

"He's out of my league, I don't deserve him." I muttered to myself.

"I think you can't deserve someone. The idiot just picked you and now he has to get along with you somehow."

"Actually shut up!" I laughed and Addy took her head laughing from my shoulder.

"But seriously, I know how you are when you're in love, it'll all be okay, I just know that." I just looked at her for a while and nodded. Maybe she was right.

I hoped she was.

We looked down the street. It wasn't late yet, but it was already pitch dark. In the sky you could already see many stars.

And suddenly this place didn't seem so ugly to me as it had seemed to me the whole time. Maybe the whole world wasn't that ugly.

"Does he know?" I heard Addy ask. I immediately knew what she meant and closed my eyes. It hurt, every little mention hurt. Every thought of it hurt. But this question was inevitable. The topic would be inevitable. I shook my head.

"Are you gonna tell him?"

"Someday."

"You should tell him, Dan."

"I know." I nodded and set my cup down on a halfway straight brick. I buried my hands in my hair. "I just don't know how."

"Does he know about the other stuff?"

I nodded. She meant my arms, my mind, my circumstances.

He knew about it. He just didn't know the trigger.

"I'll tell him, I promise."

"You don't have to promise me anything. This is for you."

I just looked at her and didn't know exactly what to answer. Maybe she didn't need an answer to that statement. Maybe that was just a statement you didn't need to discuss.

"I don't want that." I said barely audible and Addy put her arm around me. She knew what I meant and that had always been her way of comforting me.

I didn't want to talk about it. I hated that there was anything to talk about. I just wanted to be normal, like in Wokingham.

"Should we have a sleepover?" Addy tore me out of my thoughts and I just nodded. We didn't have to be alone.

***
make sure to vote!
maybe, just maybe, you could tell other phannys about this fic. Just maybe. Pretty please.
also, I don't fell bad for not telling you what is wrong with Dan. LOL.