The Silence We Fill | MYG

Chapter Thirty Six

This isn't the depressing chapter Giz

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A week. A week and then it's the day of both the performance and the surgery. I haven't touched my violin one bit and this time I do actually feel guilty. Both for the fact that Yoongi is simply practicing alone and for the fact that my violin has been wasting away within its case.

I feel the urge to play it sometimes but I can't bring myself to face it. Not when I've left it for so long already. It's like ditching a friend and expecting it to just accept you. Once all this blows over, I'll play. I'll play something so joyous that it'll make everyone around me smile.

It's a promise to myself that I doubt will actually come true.

I'm pretty lonely again. Jimin couldn't visit today which I was completely fine with. I felt a bit bad that he was in here for hours without really needing to be. He deserves a few days to enjoy New York, even though I personally believe it holds nothing to Seoul or even Daegu. 

Daegu reminds me of Yoongi, someone I haven't really seen in a few days. I miss him and the last we spoke we ended up in another argument. Almost every time we see each other now, we end up fighting.

The thought makes my heart clench. I don't want to be fighting with him for the next week. Especially when there's such a risky surgery. 

So, before I can even think twice, I call Yoongi.

"YN?" He sounds surprised and I don't blame him.

I take a deep breath, "Can you come to the hospital? I miss you and I actually want to see you." There's a pause of silence so I continue to fill the space, "I don't want to fight again. And, stars, Yoongi I miss you. We've been with each other for every second of every minute of every day and suddenly switching to barely seeing you is driving me crazy." There still isn't a response.

"I know I've been stubborn and I'm sorry, I'm so sorry but I want to see you now. And I know it shouldn't be just on my terms but I want to apologize, I just don't want to be fighting during all this. I don't want to be fighting with you, I hate it so much. I hate seeing you get angry and defensive and I hate how every time you're forced to console me and act like everything is okay even though we both know it isn't. I just want to see you happy and smiling again and I want to be with you." After my rambling, my voice is thick and I curse all the medication and stress for making me more emotional than I usually am.

"Yoongi say something," I plead and I get a very quiet sigh.  

Yoongi clears his throat, "If I go over, you have to promise me that you won't be pushing me away again."

"I promise," I say without hesitation even though I know I still won't tell him about what's happening. 

"I'll be there in a bit, okay?" I can already hear him getting up. 

"Okay." Before he hangs up, I quickly add a thank you and goodbye. The wait until he gets to the hospital is agonizing but I try to cheer myself up by playing with the necklace around my neck and listening to music.

Twenty minutes or so later and I hear a knock at my door. I get up and answer it, expecting Mark since it hasn't been too long but I see Yoongi. He's panting and his hair is wet. Actually, all of him is wet.

Did he run in the rain?

"Yoongs-" I'm cut off by his lips smashing into mine, pulling a shocked noise from me. I stumble a step or two back but an arm wraps around my waist to keep me up and standing. During all of this, our lips don't separate. Definitely not wanting Yoongi to think I'm rejecting him, I kiss back.