I'm not one of you <Frans>

CHAPTER 65: Such a s h a m e

Time: 1:00 pm
Location: MTT Resort
Shut up! Shut up! SHUT UP!

My eyes remained opened, as I didn't dare to fall asleep once more. These dreams... these memories, were really getting to me. Why had I done all of those awful things to everyone? Everyone I had loved?

It caused me to think of Frisk, now she had been nothing but nice to me throughout this entire trip of ours. We had slowed down tremendously when walking, no longer at the brisk pace we once were at when I was unstable. "YOU CANNOT THINK ABOUT HER ANYMORE." papyrus said, in the lone chair in the corner of my room. "LOOK WHAT YOU HAVE DONE TO HER." He said, laughing a bit and coming over to me. "SHE'LL END UP JUST LIKE THE REST." he hissed, grinning madly.

I grinned with insanity, the madness taking control of my rational thoughts. It was almost relaxing, not being able to feel, or think normally anymore. it made me feel safe, and secure, and I even had my brother back with me. "PUT HER OUT OF HER MISERY. YOU HAVE THE POWER TO." He said, touching my shoulder as I lied on the fluffy bed of the MTT Resort. It didn't seem to block out anything, though, it was a fight of mind versus body for me. My mind told me not to succumb to such drastic measures, while my body just wanted a break from everything happening. I wanted to feel the rush of satisfaction when I plunged a knife into her chest--

I can't think about that. It would put her in danger.

I said nothing, not wanting to talk to him, afraid that my thoughts would be influenced by him even more if I even looked in his direction. Looking into his eyes, I felt as if I would fall into the blackness of insanity, and deep into the madness that came with it as a plus on the side. I always think that once I go back there, there is no coming back into the world of reality because I was afraid he would keep me there, whether I wanted to stay or not.

I was afraid of reality, yet I was afraid of falling into the madness again. Would I lose myself?

I want to kill.

NO!

I immediately shot out of bed, going into the hotel bathroom and rinsing my face with water frantically. I needed to stay sane, he had to disappear at some point, I didn't know why he came back. It was terrifying, yet comforting at the same time. I looked at myself Int he mirror, noticing the purple ring around my eyes once more, meaning I was changing, weather I liked it or not. I studied myself, as if I were a different person, like I didn't know myself, and quickly shook my head, looking away from the monster I saw in the mirror.

"DO YOU THINK SHE'LL EVER FORGIVE YOU?" He hissed, grinning madly. "YOU ALMOST KILLED HER. NO ONE CAN LOVE A MONSTER  LIKE THAT. YOU MIGHT AS WELL GIVE UP NOW BEFORE YOU DO SOMETHING... " He paused, looking into the bathroom menacingly, "THAT YOU MIGHT REGRET."

I walked out of the room, pushing him to the side, unknowing that he was merely a figment of my broken mind. I didn't know that he wasn't real, because he was real to me. I didn't want to give up the last bit of family I had, even if he wasn't real. I ... Couldn't let him go.

Ignoring him once more, I merely talked to myself, "She would be awake by now. I might as well get ready to get going." I mumbled to myself, throwing on my dusty, faded jacket, and slipping on my pink slippers to complete the usual look for me.

Walking out the door, I took a deep breath, raising my knuckles to knock on her door. "DO YOU REALLY THINK THAT SHE WILL LET A MONSTER LIKE YOU BACK INTO HER LIFE?" Papyrus said, chuckling. I hesitated. "SHE'S MOST LIKELY ALREADY DEAD AT THIS RATE." I tried to ignore his awful comments, they made me boil with rage, and feeling my anger, he grinned with satisfaction. "YOU DID THIS TO HER." He hissed in my ear.

"Shut up!" I growled under my breath, obviously showing signs of frustration and anger. I wish I knew his intentions, it seemed as if he could read my mind, but I couldn't read his.

I knocked, rather loudly, "Frisk?" I said, "You up?" I asked, feeling a bead of sweat run down the side of my skull. Why was a nervous? Was his words really getting to me?

"MAYBE SHE REALLY IS DEAD. YOU NEVER KNOW. CRUSHING HER NECK LIKE THAT, IT MOST LIKELY KILLED HER IN HER SLEEP." He said, grinning. "THERE'S NOTHING YOU CAN DO TO SAVE HER." He chuckled.

"I healed her!" I said, "you know that!" I said, more and more angrily and before. "Quit messing with my fucking head! I can't take it anymore!" I said, more pounding on her door this time.

"YOU CANNOT FIGHT ME, SANS. I AM ONE WITH YOU AT THIS RATE. WE ARE ONE, AND WE CANNOT BE SEPARATED. IN DOING SO, YOU MUST EMBRACE ME INTO THE HOME OF YOUR MIND, I AM ALREADY AT THE DOOR, SANS. NOW YOU MUST LET ME IN." he grinned. "IF YOU LET ME IN, THIS ALL STOPS." he grinned even more, touching my shoulder once more as I knocked louder and more frantically.

"Hey! Are you okay in there?!" I asked, getting more worried and more frantic. my eyes were widening, and I was beginning to shake. I could ignore him. I could block him out. I can. I can. I can do it. He won't get to my head.

But no matter how much I reassured myself, It seemed like I got more and more scared at the outcome of the situation. I didn't want to fall within the blackness of my own mind, but it seemed like it was only the inevitable at this point. He was powerful,  and I was weak, my shattered mind couldn't take it anymore and I longed for the feeling of insanity once again.

The rush was amazing.

Snapping myself out of my own thoughts, I whispered to myself in reassurance once more, closing my eyes and taking a deep breath. If she didn't answer this time, I would probably lose it. "I understand if you're mad at me, but please just answer. Anything!" I said, grabbing the door handle and trying to turn it slightly.

"SHE'S PROBABLY ALREADY DEAD. BECAUSE OF YOU, HER LIFELESS BODY WILL REMAIN IN THAT PLACE, IN THE DIRT WHERE SHE SHOULD HAVE BELONGED IN THE FIRST PLACE. YOU SHOULD HAVE KILLED HER ON SIGHT, BUT YOU DIDN'T. YOU GAINED THE FEELINGS TO ACQUIRE SUCH A FRIENDSHIP, ONLY TO RUIN IT IN THE END. YOU WERE MADE TO BE MAD. TO STAY MAD." He said, tormenting me with his words.

The door was locked. Why was it locked? I didn't lock it! What was going on?! My thoughts were getting more and more frantic. He really was getting to my head. Had something happened? I wouldn't forgive myself.

Snapping, I broke the door handle, summoning a bone and destroying the doorknob and rushing in, only to find her in a deep sleep. Had she gotten sleep at all last night? I looked at her with a calmer look, however, he interjected. "SUCH A SHAME. YOU'LL GET HER NEXT TIME." he grinned.