Mind Sex | j.m.b.

-good luck -for what?

joey's pov

it's been 3 weeks that i haven't talked to mia at all. it's weird for me to actual care about it, since we didn't even leave on good terms. what she told me kinda bothered me, to the point where i don't even feel sympathy for her anymore. at first i thought i liked the fact that she wasn't afraid of coming at me, but then every time i would see her at school i would feel completely annoyed by her presence.
instead with hailey things are going kinda well, surprisingly: we fuck, we laugh, we go to parties and, again, we fuck...basically everything i want from a 'girlfriend', since that's what everybody in school thinks she is to me. we never really made things official and i don't plan on asking her soon, or ever tbh: we are what we are and i don't need to address that.
my mom doesn't like her much tho: she thinks she's bad for me but i don't really think so. i mean, it's not like i'm the type to let a girl affect my thoughts and brain. that's another reason why i don't like mia: she's always saying things that i can't help but overthink about.
"babe" hailey kisses my neck softly "i want you" she whispers in my ear.
i smirk to myself and look down at her. she keeps kissing my neck, slipping her hand inside my pants.
i block her hand right before we get to a point where i can't stop myself anymore "babe we need to study" i remind her and she rolls her eyes.
i chuckle and take my philosophy book up, but hailey crawls over me again, taking my hand and putting it in between her legs. yk i think a little break won't hurt anyone.

the next day

"please nicole you have to help me" i beg her. today i have a philosophy test and the studying with hailey yesterday was...well let's just say it wasn't at all. i didn't even open the book.
"what topics is your test on" she asks me
"we have to write an essay about the importance of pain in our lives and what happiness means for us" i tell her, running a hand through my hair.
"well..." she says, right when my phone starts buzzing. i see hailey's name on the screen and quickly pick it up "i can't talk right now" i tell her
"well hello love, why" she asks
"hailey did you forget about our test today?" i ask her. i swear i might be a dickhead but if i fail school my mom will chop my head off.
"what test?" she sounds the opposite of interested
"philosophy" i start to get impatient "about the importance of pain in our lives and what happiness means for us" i repeat for the hundredth time today.
"mhm, just write that the pain shouldn't exist and happiness is when you fuck me so hard that-"
"OKAY BYE" i hang the phone on her. what the fuck-
"sorry, what were you saying" i move my attention back to nicole, who's now sitting on adam's lap.
"jo i really don't know, i can't really generalize it, all i can think of is my personal life experience" she tells me and i sigh, putting my head in my hands.
i hear the noise of a chair slipping on the floor "yo sis" i hear nicole say. oh no please no. i haven't seen mia since the last party at her house.
"what's the importance of pain in your life?" nicole asks her and i mentally slap myself. great, i'm going to write an essay on someone i currently can't stand's opinions on life. just great.
"damn where did that come from?" mia laughs.
"just asking for my philosophy test" she tells her and i  thank god for this girl's smoothness. being helped out by someone i'm in a fight with is already bothering me enough, i really don't need her to be conscious of that too.
"pain is important because it helps us grow. some people think that negative situations are just meant to drag us down, they think that every feeling that isn't characterized by a little sprinkle of happiness is a low in their lives" she takes a deep breath "while i think that the only real low in life is when you don't feel anything at all. when your heart goes numb and isn't able to feel any emotion anymore. that's something you can't take anything to turn into positive stuff from. every feeling is useful, including pain, even if you think otherwise when you're feeling it. putting you in fucked up situations is how life teaches you how to be strong enough to go through it while taking the best from it." she finishes off.
at this point i don't even care if we haven't talked or even looked at each other in so long. i'm staring at her regardless. i'm sure she noticed but the impact her words had on me kinda made me shameless. i didn't think that was her opinion on pain: i actually thought she hated it and she wanted to scrub it off of her. guess this is the umpteenth thing about this girl i was wrong about. see that's another thing that annoys me about her: having to constantly look for aspects of her personality that you don't even know are there. that's tiring af.
"and what about happiness?" i think nicole spoke but when mia looks at me, i realize i was the one to speak.
okay no what the fuck am i doing?
she furrows her brows before glancing between me and nicole, and by her expression i think she realized who is she really telling this stuff.
"well" she takes a deep breath "same concept as before: if you think about feeling numb as the only thing you should be running from, you will find happiness everywhere along the way" she says
"can you be more specific" i ask her. by now i already have enough content for my essay, so i don't fucking know why i keep asking her stuff.
obviously not being able to drop her attitude for one second, she rolls her eyes before responding "happiness is everywhere: it's in the little things you do with your family and friends, it's knowing that after a long ass day you'll come home to a roof on your head and food on your plate, it's being able to be touched by a song so deeply that you get emotional." she sighs and looks down, almost like she's not even talking to anybody anymore but herself "it's knowing that there's always gonna be a more fucked up situation, and being grateful for not being in it. it's not taking anything for granted and appreciating the little things" she says and the whole table goes quiet. throughout her speech i felt the annoyance i've been feeling over the past weeks towards her slowly fade away.
after what she told me at adam's i thought she was just a hurt girl who's angry at the world for what happened to her, but now i see a complete different person in front of me. she's mature and so fucking deep. now more than ever i'm convinced that distancing myself from her was the best choice, but this time the reason may have changed. i just realized that i can't handle a mind and a past like hers at the same time. maybe it's the girls i'm used to deal with that are on a complete different level from her, but i feel like my shoulders ain't large enough to carry such a big responsibility as mia's feelings.
the bell rings and mia starts getting up "wait mia" nicole stops her
"mhm?" she turns around
"what you said about feeling numb..." she hesitates before going on "have u ever felt that way?" she gulps
mia looks at her with an emotionless expression before looking at me. i know she doesn't want to answer because of me being here. she doesn't trust me and she's right.
"good luck" she tells me and i furrow my brows
"for what?
"for your philosophy test" she throws her bag over her shoulder and walks away.

long ass chapter, ik. i'm sorry if the part where mia talks about pain and happiness was boring to read but i honestly think it's so interesting to hear people's opinions on these topics. my opinions are mia's obviously and i'd really like to hear yours so, if you don't mind, leave a comment and let me know what you think.