Tattoo Heart (Zarry)

Sixteen

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Continuation

Fire and ice engulfs Zayn. There's an odd clawing at the back of his throat as he watches the girl pulls Harry closer and how Harry's holding so tight on the girl's waist as if he's afraid she'll disappear in any minute.

Zayn gulps. Suddenly the world around him becomes dark. He can't move, can't blink, can't breathe. Is this seriously fucking happening?

"Harry?" Was the first and only thing Zayn can say. He feels like all the air's been drained out of him. He feels a sting in his eyes but he refused to cry out his pain and frustration as he scrubs a hand through his hair. What the fuck is happening? Is this real?

He feels deflated. He feels like a fucking balloon that's been deflated. That's how he feels. Like every beautiful, colorful thing about Zayn has been splashed by black paint.

"Zayn." He hears the worry in Louis' tone, but Zayn didn't acknowledge it as he marches his way across the room to where Harry's snogging the girl.

Zayn can't think straight as he make his way to Harry. All he knows is the sinking feeling in his heart when he catches the look Harry's giving to the girl. And Zayn knows that look. He's been on the receiving end of it ever since he and Harry met. Harry uses that look on him when he wants to fool around or when he's flirting with Zayn, but now Harry's giving that look to someone else.

Has Harry finally found his soulmate?

But it can't be, his soulmate is a boy.

He stops when he was finally a few feet in front of them.

"Harry." He says, voice cracking.

Harry looks up and when he saw it was Zayn, he suddenly looks like a deer caught in a headlights, mouth gaping open, eyes wide, his body frozen on the spot. His face falls when his eyes flicker to Zayn. Harry watches him warily, shock still clear in his eyes. Like he got caught doing something he shouldn't.

And crap. Crap, crap, crap, crap. He feels his eyes burning , feels a heavy, hot moisture coat the surface. He can't fucking cry. Zayn Malik does not cry for anyone--not even Harry Styles.

"What are you doing?" He says quietly, angrily, everything becoming blurry against his will. Fuck. Zayn's vision blurs. Actual tears are thick in his eyes and they're threatening to spill over. Zayn tries to evens his breathing- which shakes betrayingly.

And when a tear formed in his eyes to the point that Zayn can't see anything, he left.

He promptly made his way out of the pub, wiping his eyes as he goes. His chest was rising and falling rapidly. It seems like his lungs can't get enough air and in any minute he might passed out. When he got outside, he has to take slow deep breaths to calm his pounding heart.

He looks at the empty road. He needs to get out of here. He needs to leave. He wants to leave-

"Zayn!" He hears him calls out.

Zayn was so shocked that he almost jumped out of his skin. When he turns to Harry, he looks so guilty as if he did something so wrong that no one could make it right.

"What are you doing here?" He asks Zayn with wide eyes and pale face. And Zayn almost laugh at the ridiculous question.

"That's the first thing you're going to say after I just saw you kissed someone?"

Harry bit his lips and his eyes seems like it's shouting its own apology "I...I" He stutters "We're not together Zayn."

And he can't say anything else other than lets out a humorless chuckle that ended up sounding like a whimper. And, Jesus, Zayn hates it so much. Hates how he seems so affected at seeing Harry kiss someone, with his crying eyes, puffy cheeks, and redden nose, while Harry only looks like he did a minor mistake and he feels a tad sorry for it.

"Right, we're not together. So, why are you following me?" Zayn asks because he needs to understand, and he feels so disgusted and embarrassed for himself, to lose his mind over his fuck buddy kissing someone else.

But Harry isn't just his fuck buddy, he knows, because he was there when Zayn was feeling sick. Harry was there to cook him chicken soup and kiss him better even though Zayn warned him that he'll catch a fever too, which he eventually did when Harry refused to leave Zayn's side. Harry was there when Zayn keeps getting held back at work to clean the theater rooms. He was there when Zayn's sad so he would treat him ice cream and kiss him behind his ears because Harry knows it always makes him smile. Harry was there when Zayn needs a distraction from his busy life so he'll tell him a story of how his sister hid his swimming trunks when they were young and he can't get out of the pool till everybody's gone. He was there when Zayn gets hungry during working hours and Harry will sneak out for a minute and bring Zayn back burgers from Shake Shack as if Zayn needs it to be a branded burger. Harry  was there when Zayn can't sleep late at night so he will take that as an invitation and go to his flat with McDonald's in his one hand and a tea on the other.

And it just hurts, because after all of that, Harry doesn't seem to care at all.

"Zayn, look, I'm so sorry." He pleads. "Everything between us is getting too real. And I have a soulmate. I can't..We can't.." His voice cracks "We can't have feelings."

Zayn didn't say anything.

"You have to understand. I kissed her-"

"You kissed her to prove a point."

Harry closes his eyes in frustration "It's not like that."

"You kissed her to prove that what's between us is strictly platonic. That you can still kiss someone else and not feel guilty about it."

"No, it's not-"

"Well, do you feel guilty?"

Harry looks away "No." He says but his shoulders slumps and his voice was small.

"When we started this, you said that we're not going to be exclusive." Harry says and his voice was filled with accusation as if Zayn's the one at the wrong here "That what we'll have won't be anything serious."

"So, it's all right if I kiss someone else?" Zayn challenges.

Harry wince at the question. His body stiffens and his chest heaves. His fist quickly balled into fist before looking away from Zayn with a shameful blush.

"That is so hypocritical of you, Harry!" Zayn exclaims angrily.

"I know." He says quietly "I'm sorry."

"You're sorry?"

"I am!" Harry pleads "Please, I'm so sorry. I was just afraid. Everything was becoming too much. I was just scared that once I meet my soulmate, I would rather.." He trails off.

"You'd rather what?"

"I can't say." He struggles.

"Rather what, Harry?"

"That I'd rather be with you!"

"Me?"

"Yes, you!" Harry exclaims, pointing at him "You, I want all of you. You to call me up every time you have a good news and for you to wear my shirts even when we're at your flat, and you groaning every time I play Miley Cyrus on your phone and asking me how's my family even when you haven't even met them. I want all of it. And I'm afraid that I would rather wake up one day and think of you even when I'm lying next to my soulmate. That I would rather spend my whole day looking at you than be with him."

"Is that so bad?"

"Of course it is!" Harry yells "I have a soulmate and all I can think about is you!"

"Harry-"

"But we can't, because we could never end up together, and I reuse to let it happen."

"What?"

Harry lowers his head, and Zayn could finally see a bit of tear forming in his eyes.

"I'm just scared of what I'm feeling, Z." He whispers. "I didn't want to hurt you. I'm sorry."

And Zayn was frustrated when he feels a tear slide across his cheeks.

"Well, congrats, your fear just broke my heart." He says as he turns around and walks away, wiping the tears that doesn't seem to stop coming.