The Secrets Hidden Within The Dairies Of The Nations

Betrayal Part 2

Alfred winced slightly as he realized what memory it was that he was seeing, he scrubbed away the remaining tears so that he could focus. 

He saw himself standing in front of Yao who still had his hand raised from when he had slapped him. The other Allies were standing awkwardly in the background. 

"Why did you do it?!" Yao shouted as he jabbed his finger into Alfred's chest who was just staring at him with an emotionless expression on his face. 

"I know he attacked you but this is going too far!" He continued to shout not giving Alfred a chance to respond. 

"Are you just that eager to make your self out to be a monster?!" He questioned which is what caused Alfred to finally snap. 

"I did what I had to" He growled which caused a furious expression to appear on Yao's face. 

"What you had to do?" He growled softly as he leaned in closer to Alfred. 

"What you had to do was leave this up to the adults, you are a child who is throwing a tantrum" He spat which caused fury to blaze in the American's eyes. 

"Don't" He growled which caused a humourless grin to appear on the Asian face. 

"What? You don't like hearing the truth? Well, face the facts Alfred you are a childish monster throwing a tantrum!" He snapped and this what pushed Alfred over the edge. 

"Do not lecture me about being a monster! I did not want to join this war, I was neutral! He attacked me and killed thousands of my people who did nothing! I am not the monster here!" He shouted as he stalked closer to Yao which caused the man to stumble back slightly. 

"My actions are none of your concern so I would advise you to keep your biased opinions to yourself" He growled and turned on his heel and began to stalk out of the room, ignoring everyone who tried to stop him. He paused in the doorway and turned to look at Yao who was staring at him with an unreadable expression on his face. 

"I have taken the Japanese people out of this war, I have given us one less person to fight, which means less of our own people will die in this war. I did not do this out of revenge, I did this to save more lives" He said angrily before he stalked out of the meeting room. 

Alfred squeezed his eyes shut to stop the tears that wanted to escape. He hated what he had to do to Kiku, but he didn't have a choice. He cracked an eye open and he saw that the memory was becoming fuzzy. When it refocused he saw himself in his home staring out the window. 

"Still avoiding Kiku?" Arthur questioned as approached the American who just grunted. 

"The wars been over for two years now, how long are you going to avoid him?" He asked as he placed his hand on Alfred's shoulder, which caused him to turn an face him. 

"When I stop hating myself for what I did" He simply before went back to staring out the window. Arthur sighed. 

"It was war, you just did what you had to do" He said sternly causing Alfred to scoff. 

"What happened to the strong words you spoke against Yao? You seemed so sure of your actions then" Arthur questioned which caused Alfred to turn to face him with a chilling look in his eyes. 

"That was before I saw what my actions have done to Kiku himself" He hissed as he pushed passed Arthur so that he could stalk further into the room. 

"He's different, he's become untrusting of physical contact" He whispered as he paused in the middle of the room. 

"Alfred-" Arthur began only to be cut off by Alfred spinning around to face him. 

"Did you see how devastated Yao looked when Kiku shied away from his hug?! Or the glare he sent me?! I really am a monster!" He sobbed which caused Arthur's eyes to soften as he approached the American and pulled him into a hug. 

"Your not a monster Alfred, war affects us all differently and we are all forced to do things that we will regret" Arthur said softly but Alfred just pulled himself out of the hug and backed away slightly.

"None of you have completely ruined a person like I ruined Kiku" He growled causing Arthur to sigh as he attempted to reach out to Alfred but he just took another step back. 

"You should leave" He snapped as he turned his back on Arthur. The Brit looked like was going to say something only to stop and for a glare to appear on his face. 

"Fine, stay here and wallow in your misery alone" The Brit snapped before he stalked out of the room. Alfred flinched as he heard the door slam shut. 

"Why do I mess everything up?" He questioned miserably to himself as he stalked out of the room and into the bathroom. 

Alfred stiffened fearfully as more tears streamed down his face, the memory wasn't ending. That means he's going to have to relive that again. 

He stared into the mirror with an unreadable expression on his face, his thought swirling and becoming a pounding presence. 

"Monster"

"Freak"

"Murderer"

"You can't do anything right"

"All you do is mess things up"

"Killer"

"Destroyer"

"You are the bane of everyone's existence" 

He was shaking so badly at this point and the tears were running down his face so quickly that he could no longer see his reflection. 

"Your hands are stained with blood" 

"No one will  ever love a murder like you" 

"You should just do everyone a favour"

"AND DIE!"

A sob escaped Alfred as he watched himself stiffen up and stare unseeingly at the mirror with a thoughtful expression on his. 

"No don't, it won't help" He sobbed but obviously that didn't stop himself from pulling his gun out and staring at it thoughtfully. 

"Everyone would be better off if I was gone" He whispered softly as he lifted the gun up to his temple and stared at the mirror sadly, his eyes became another shade duller. 

Just as he pulled the trigger the memory blacked out and he was once again back in the hall of doors, but he was to bust sobbing to notice, he collapsed to his knees and just let the tears fall. 

He stayed like that for a good thirty minutes before the tears finally stopped, he slowly got to his feet and glanced at the next door. He almost let out another sob when he saw that this door also had a mix of golden light and silver, and as he turned to look at the other doors he saw they all did. 

"At least there are fewer doors to go through now" He whispered softly before he pulled the door open and shuffled into the next memory. 

All that met him as he entered the memory was silence.