Beautiful Shards (A Drarry Fanfic)

Chapter 11: All of the Confusion

Harry's P.O.V.
I don't think I've ever been this confused in my life. What is going on?
First, I let my sworn enemy sit with me. Thats weird enough on it's own, honestly.
Then I call him by his first name. I've never done that before. He's always been Malfoy. Never Draco.
Then I tell him all of my secrets. What is wrong with me? I told him how I felt, what I thought, I told him about the nightmares, I even told him that I cut! I haven't told any of this to anyone, and yet, after ten minutes on a train together, I'm pouring my heart out to someone who hates me, someone who I hate. Or at least I used to.
Why did I trust him? What on Earth made me tell him the things I did? I'm dead. He'll never leave me alone after this. He's always going to mock me for these things.
But what's going on with him? He doesn't seem right at all. He's so different. He's pale, and thin, very, very thin, and he just seems so...broken. That's the only way i can describe him. He's falling apart, I can tell. But I don't suppose I can judge him, since I am too.
And finally, the most confusing thing of all, what the bloody hell is that feeling that I keep getting when I'm around him? I don't know, maybe I kind of want to be his friend. Not that I would ever admit that out loud, of course. It's just...I really wish I had someone to understand what I'm going through- to understand me.
But anyways, that's not going to happen, so i need to stop fantasizing. I spend too much time in my own head anyway. I know I'm slipping away into my thoughts more and more, and I'm slowly losing the things that were keeping me anchored to reality.
I've been pushing my friends away, and at first they resisted, making sure I went places and did things after the war. But eventually, I finally got what I wanted. I pushed them away, and even though they're still with me, I'm always distant, and they let me be. I'm not close to anyone anymore. I'm finally all alone. Just like I wanted to be. Just like I deserve to be.
Maybe that's why I was so eager to trust Malfoy. Maybe I was just looking for someone, anyone, to talk to. Someone to tell about all of the things going on in my head, someone who wouldn't worry about me. I'm tired of worrying people.

I'm sitting on the floor of the train now, leaning against the wall, thinking. I'm not sure what happened exactly, or why I was so upset.
I know I yelled at Malfoy, but I don't know why I felt bad about it, and I definitely don't know why I felt bad enough to cut after four whole days. That was the longest I'd stayed clean so far. I was so proud of myself. Now I'm a failure. Again.
I need to get up and off of the train, before the trolley witch comes to make sure all of the compartments are empty, but all I want is to stay here and never get up.
I know I can't do that though, so I stand up carefully and grab my luggage. I steel myself for the crowds outside and step off the train.

Author's Notes: Sorry for another pretty short chapter, but I needed to update. My first chapter in first person! Yay! I know this one was pretty bad, but I'm going to do at least one more chapter like this, from Draco's perspective. Comment whether or not you think i should do more first person after that or not, I'd love to hear what you think. Thanks for reading, byyyeeee!!