Beautiful Shards (A Drarry Fanfic)

Chapter 12: Thestrals

Draco's P.O.V.
I finally figured it out. I understand why I acted how I did now. I was so confused, and it took me the whole train ride, but now I know why I was helping that git.
I feel no differently towards the Hogwarts Golden Boy. I already knew that. I was only tolerating him because of my ever- present sense of self-preservation.
I knew things would be even worse for me back at school if I, ex-Death Eater Draco Malfoy, were to continue to bully the savior of the Wizarding World. That would just further fuel the whispers that would follow me. He had saved my life, and everyone else's too, so picking on him would not serve me well.
Sure, my few remaining friends may stand up for me, but the entire school would have Potter's back.
And so, the reason behind my being...civil to him was, as the reasons for most of the things I do are, purely selfish. Obviously. Thats who I am, and a war, some scars, and a couple of nightmares aren't going to change that.

I step off of the train, dragging my trunk behind me. I keep to the back of the crowd at first, but then I realize that that's where Potter will be. Instead, I make my way to the front so I can get one of the first carriages, shoving people aside as I do.
I feel the eyes on my back as I walk by, and I hear the hisses and whispers that follow in my wake. It's all I can do to stare stoically ahead, appearing indifferent to the rest of the world.
By the time I reach the front of the mob of students, I'm shaking and I feel sick.
I worked so hard while I was here at school to build up my walls, to make sure no one could ever see how I really felt, and to make sure that i kept my reputation. I was always cold, heartless, and put together to the rest of the world. But now, now I'm breaking and everyone will see it.
I need to be strong and rebuild those walls, before someone can get to me while I'm vulnerable. I hate feeling so exposed to the world, but how do I fix it?

I am startled suddenly from my thoughts by the sound of hooves on the cobblestone street.
I look up to see the carriages pulling up, just as they do every year, but this year, they are being pulled by something.
In front of each one, there are standing two enormous, black, skeletal horses with wings sprouting from their backs.
It only takes me a moment to realize what they are. I've read about these creatures in a book somewhere. They're called thestrals, and they can only be seen by someone who has witnessed death.
And that fact is why it is so painful when I hear a collective gasp from the group behind me as they take in the sight. Almost, if not all of them, can see the beasts, and even though they are magnificent, what they represent is not.
Even some of the new first years can see them. Even those who weren't at the Battle of Hogwarts have seen death. Children as young as eleven have watched their friends or family or neighbors die and it's all my fault...all of it, it's all my fault.
However, there are still the young, innocent, fortunate few, who are shooting questioning looks at the older children that appear to be petting the air. They are looking around, trying to get a glimpse of something they will not be able to see. I am glad for them.
Suddenly, I notice the wetness on my cheeks, and I am horrified to realize that I am crying. Crying out in the open where everyone can see me.
I scramble quickly into a carriage before anyone can notice my tears. It would be better if they couldn't notice my existence, but I know that that won't happen.
I settle myself on to the cushioned seat, lean my head back against the wall, and wait for the carriage to bring me back. Back to the place that was more my home than my own house, the place that I helped destroy, that was rebuildt, the place that truly will always be here to welcome me home.

Back to Hogwarts.

Author's Notes:
Okay, so this chapter is a little bit longer than some of the others, just a tiny little bit, to help make up for not updating in a while. I've been kind of stuck, but I'd like to say thank you to drarryfrerardrydon for the idea for this chapter, and to anyone who took the time to read this. So anyways, thanks and byeeeee!!!