Beautiful Shards (A Drarry Fanfic)

Chapter 31: Courtyard Talks

(Draco's POV)

After some time-- I couldn't say how long-- had passed I got unsteadily to my feet. My legs tingled, having gone numb from crouching on the cold stone floor, although I didn't quite remember sitting down.

My vision was fuzzy and I felt disoriented. Maybe from shock, maybe from hunger, maybe from exhaustion. Probably a combination thereof. The stress and anxiety of the encounter with Will had definitely left me shaken, I hadn't eaten anything that day, and it was well past the time I should've been asleep. All of those factors were likely contributing to the current haze inside of my brain.

Despite it all, I couldn't bring myself to return to the room I shared with Harry. I didn't want to go back and see him and remember what I was about to lose. We'd built something, a special kind of bond, a new friendship. It was just what I'd always wanted, or at least as close as I was ever going to get to what I wanted to have with Harry, and now I was being forced to give it all up. It was going to hurt him, I knew, and it killed me to know that I was going to cause him pain. Even so, the pain my silence would bring him was nothing compared to what Will Forrest was capable of if I ignored his demand to break the connection between Harry and me. This was the best choice. This was what was best. I repeated it over and over in my mind, trying to convince myself that it was true.

Once feeling had returned to my extremities and my sight had cleared I looked around the small room, which was beginning to feel like a prison cell. I thought about where I could go, places I could sleep or just sit through the night. "Not the Astronomy Tower," I said to no one in particular, thinking of the cold night air and the thin material of my clothes. That also ruled out the forest and the lake. After debating with myself for awhile, I decided the room I was in now would have to do.

I spent another hour trying to fall asleep on the cold floor, but my brain wouldn't allow me the luxury. There were too many thoughts, too many scenarios, too many memories running though my mind for me to get any rest. I took to pacing the floor instead, unconsciously twisting and pulling at my clothes. Finally, when the sun was starting to peek into the room, I laid back down and drifted off, my robe wadded up under my head as a makeshift pillow.

***************

When I woke up, the first thing I was aware of was how cold I was. It had seeped through my clothes, coming from both the air and the ground beneath me, chilling me to the bone. The second was that there was someone shaking me and calling my name.

"Draco. Draco wake up!"

My eyes snapped open and I sat up. At first I was pleased to hear the familiar voice, but my mood quickly soured when I remembered the events of the previous night.

"Oh thank God. You scared me! I woke up and you weren't there, and I checked the Great Hall and the library, and then I found you here. At first I thought you'd been cursed or something. What are you doing here?" His voice was laced with concern and relief. It hurt to hear how much he cared. It was only making this harder.

I scrambled to my feet and grabbed my crumpled robe, backing towards the door. "I just couldn't sleep, so I went for a walk and fell asleep in here. I- I've gotta go." I heard Harry call out for me to wait but I was already out the door, hurrying down the corridor, glancing from side to side, head down. I had to be sure Will hadn't seen me with Harry.

As soon as I was sure Harry wasn't following me I started for the front doors. I really didn't feel like going to class today, so I decided to head down to the lake. However, before I made it outside, my stomach growled, reminding me of how hungry I was. I didn't want to eat anything, but I took an apple from the Great Hall anyways and nibbled on it as I walked in an effort to combat the dizziness that overtook me whenever I stood up or moved too quickly.

When I reached the shore I began to pace back and forth, trying desperately to focus on the sand and the water and the apple rather than focusing on Harry. I couldn't avoid him forever; I'd have to go back to class and our room eventually. Once again, I was faced with a problem for which I had no solution and no one to give me advice. I was quite possibly the biggest pariah at Hogwarts, and without Harry I had no one at all. Could I even do this? Could I forfeit our friendship to protect him? I was selfish, that was just who I was, and that part of me wanted to say no, keeping things the way they were was the best option for me, but a larger, unfamiliar part of me disagreed. I could and would do this. For him.

The grounds were deserted except for the Quidditch pitch, where the first years were taking flying lessons, meaning I had a fair bit of freedom to walk around without being seen. I strolled along the shore for a bit more before making my way absentmindedly towards the courtyard, expecting it to be unoccupied. It was only once I was sitting on the edge of the fountain, running my fingers through the cool water, that I looked up. Sitting on a bench and gazing at me was Professor McGonagall, her expression unreadable.

"Good day, mister Malfoy," she drawled, her eyes boring holes through me. I quickly looked down at my lap, avoiding her gaze.

I murmured a, "Good day, Professor," in response.

"Shouldn't you be in class?"

"I sup- I suppose I should." I didn't move.

I hadn't seen or talked to the woman since the war. She must absolutely despise me, I thought, remembering every reason she had. It was a long list. Guilt overtook me as it often did. I couldn't bear to be near her, couldn't bear remembering.

"What is it that's troubling you, Malfoy?"

I looked up, startled. "What?"

"You don't look well, I thought perhaps there was something troubling on your mind," she clarified. "Care to share it?"

I sighed and tugged at my tie. I wished I could tell her everything, but she wasn't Mother, nor was she any other person I'd ever been close to or been able to depend on. I was likely one of her least favorite students. She wouldn't care to hear all about my thoughts or my impossible decision. "No, no I'm fine."

"Excuse my directness, but I sincerely doubt that. Does it happen to be related to mister Potter?"

I had started to stand up to leave but froze. I didn't even know how to reply, so I sat back down and stayed quiet. She seemed to take it as a yes.

"Ah, I see." When I glanced up her eyes were twinkling. I had to say, since taking the job as Headmistress she'd become remarkably different, taking on the same mystical air that Dumbledore had once had. "Does he not reciprocate your fancy?"

I choked on the air, spluttering, incredulous. "What!? I don't-"

"Forgive me Malfoy, I merely assumed, but perhaps my assumption was wrong?" It was clear she wasn't convinced, not in the slightest.

"N-Not exactly, Professor." She smiled triumphantly. "But that's not what's bothering me."

"Oh? Then what is?"

"For. . . reasons that I can't say, I have to stop talking to Harry. It's for his own good. But I don't want to. I know it's going to upset both of us, and I really hate the situation in general."

She paused, then asked, "You say it's for his protection?" I nodded. "I won't ask the circumstances; I understand you can't say, for whatever reason, but here is my unsolicited advice to you: let him make his own decision. Perhaps he values your friendship over whatever the threat to him may be. You can protect him better from his side than you can from afar." She rose to her feet then, turning away. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a school to go run."