All Night || ASTRO Moonbin x (male) Reader (feat. Secret Rival)

VI || Selfishness

[One Month later]

You woke up, your eyes still heavy. Actually you weren't even sure if you even slept at all. Maybe you did for one or two hours but the rest of the night you layed awake in your bed, trying to get rid of the pictures filling up your head.

It all started after you saw him, the one who had occupied your heart, at the concert in his breathtaking shirtless beauty. Since then the pictures just wouldn't let you sleep. The poster on your wall didn't help either, it made things worse.
You got nervous more often, now even text messages could make your hands tremble. You didn't plan to fall so much for him but you did and needed to find a way how to deal with it and hide it from him.

Getting some rest and sleep would be a logical step number one but this already felt impossible.

You sighed with a look at the clock. All you wanted was to just stay in bed and turn around again but school was forcefully dragging you out of your bed and then out of your house into the morning sun.

Attending classes without falling asleep turned out to be really difficult but you somehow managed it to get through til lunchtime.

‚As much as I love you, Binnie, but please let me get some sleep tonight or else I don't know how school is supposed to work out for me...' you thought stumbling towards a table in the cafeteria with a tablet of food and a needed coffee.

„Wow you look horrible today." Cheol slumped down beside you with a grin on his face.

„Hey, Cheol, since when are we talking to corpses again?" Woo laughed sheepishly and also sat down.

„Very funny guys, I wish I could laugh about it... I couldn't sleep for at least a week... I'm tired as hell and I just want to be back in my bed and drift away into dreamland..."

A yawn escaped your lips.

„Uhhh! Seems like someone is keeping you awake?"

„No."

They both raised an eyebrow.

„Ok maybe but-„

From raising an eyebrow they went over to wiggling both eyebrows and exchanging side glances.

„-but not in the way you think... definitely not in the way you think..!"

„Is it the girl you're always texting with?"

„Yeah... but it's not the texting that keeps me awake. I just can't sleep cause..."

You looked at them with desperate eyes.

„Actually it sounds strange to say it and I'm sure I'll regret telling you but... I can't sleep cause I always have to think about her, she took up all my mind.."

It felt strange to you to talk about Moonbin as a girl but you had no other choice. Telling the truth would make things way more complicated and would also be way stranger.

„Did you already confess to her?" you could tell that their curiosity was fired up.

„No.."

Woo and Cheol exchanged quick glances again as if they could talk over telepathy then turned to you again.

„There is your answer!" Woo claimed proud as if he discovered something special.

„Your mind is telling you to finally get yourself together and confess!" Cheol added hitting your arm.

„That's not as easy as you might think it is... it's complicated... way more complicated."

„Still, you have to."

„Or you'll really be an undead corpse soon, [y/n]!"

„Not that there would be much of a difference compared to now..." they both laughed but there wasn't really much for you to laugh about.

On your way home later that day you remembered their words again.

„Should I really confess to him? Maybe they were right and it really would help my situation... but he's still a boy... and an idol, there's just no way he could feel the same." you kept mumbling crossing street after street.

You stopped in front of the door to your home and shook your head vigorously.

„Confessing to him is supposed to help my problems of him occupieing my mind every night? Never! What a stupid idea, ... how's that supposed to work? It would probably make everything harder for me and could destroy our friendship, something I would never even risk to destroy. He's important to me, I cannot lose him or risk losing him even if that means that I can't sleep forevermore...."

You opened the door and abruptly went silent, listening carefully to the voices coming from the livingroom.

„I can't do this anymore..." the deep voice of your father sounded through the hallway.

You slowly walked more towards the livingroom your legs shaking more with each step.

„Let's end it here once and for all"

You froze pressing against the wall as your father stormed past you out of the apartment. Tears started to form in your eyes and soon began falling down your cheeks. That was it? Did your parents just...
Running into your room you left behind the crying form of your mother and locked the door. Inside your legs finally gave up. You fell down on your knees, your body shaking as the tears streamed down your face.
Your phone in your pocket started to ring but you switched it off and tossed it onto your bed. You didn't want to talk to anyone, you just wanted to be alone.

Thinking back you knew this would have happened some day and thought you'd be prepared if it did, but you weren't. You were anything but prepared for it. You can't prepare for your family getting destroyed in less than a minute, you can't prepare for standing right next to it, when it happens, you can't prepare for the cascade of tears forming in your burning eyes and you can't prepare for your live to collapse.

You didn't move from your spot behind the door, not for the next hours, not even for the next day. You didn't know what to do and you definitely didn't know what would happen next.
Was there a possible way for your family to get back together again or was everything really over just like that?

You kept hoping that it all was some kind of bad dream but a knock on your door shattered all your hopes into sharp pieces.

„You heard it yesterday, am I right?" your mother said with a quiet, slightly sore voice.

You didn't answer.

„I'm sorry you found it out this way."

You still kept quiet. No word, not even a single sound escaped your chapped lips.
The emptiness and silence of your room had swallowed you whole.

„I guess you need time. If you wanna talk about it, then.. then I'm here for you, I'll always be."

You heard her steps slowly fading behind the door.

The tears that for a short moment stopped falling welled up again making you sob and curl up on the ground. You didn't cry because you were only sad you also cried because you were mad. Mad at yourself, mad at your selfishness.
Why were you so selfish anyways?
She's the one who got hurt in the first place, so why were you doing this to her?
You should be there for her! But you just couldn't. You felt horrible. Did you even deserve to be her son if you weren't even able to be there for her, when she needed you? Your own mother?

‚Just freakin' tell me what's wrong with me!' you kept screaming inside your head.

Your family was destroyed and so were you.

________________________________

Yoho, first of all, this was the last week with a lack of time.
Next weeks are going to be more relaxed with enough time to write.
Second of all, I'm excited for part seven and I hope you're too! Stay tuned!
Have a great week and if you liked this chapter feel free to tell me ;D
Stay awesome and until next week!
Draven o..... wait did I mention the ATEEZ comeback?
No? Then: ATEEZ COMEBACK WAVE AND ILLUSION WAS FREAKIN AMAZING!
Alright now I've done my job here for this week (Ok last week ... it's already Monday ... just pretend it's still Sunday...)
Draven out! <3