The Good Girl Plays the PLAYER

Chapter 24

Liam called my brothers letting them know that he had found me and that we were heading home and most of our walk back was spent in silence. He said he missed me and that was the only thought running through my mind. I missed him too, I admitted it to him and I can't take it back nor do I want to, but I should clarify that it doesn't mean that I want us to get back together. Last time we just rushed into a relationship without really getting to know each other and I don't want to make that same mistake again. I want to start off as friends and see where things go, problem is, how do I explain all this without making him mad?

As we walk side by side past the Bull & Bush pub, a pub/bistro local to the area I live in, Liam breaks our awkward silence. "Nick, we should talk" he starts to say and I nod silently in agreement. We really do but I can't help but feel a little apprehensive, his mood swings so easily giving me whiplash. "You know how I feel about you and I know you feel the same way, so can't we just work things out and get back to how things were?" He makes it sound so easily done, If only it were that simple, trust is such a fragile thing, easy to break, easy to loose and one of the hardest things to get back. He broke mine, but I suppose it's not completely lost, at least not yet as I am still here, wanting to try and have faith in him again.

"You're right, I do feel the same way but I can't be with you in the way you want me to" I start to say in a soft tone and when I look up at him, I already notice the changes in his features, his eyes getting colder, darker, a v forming in his brow and I know that here I need to tread carefully as he may be on the verge of loosing his rag. "I just want us to not rush into things, I thought maybe we could just start out as friends?" He stops, steps in front of me in what feels like a menacing manner and looks straight at me in utter disbelief followed by anger. "You're friend zoning me? Me? You are so..." before he even got the chance to shout something mean I stopped him by placing my hand over his mouth, silencing him. "I just want us to take things slow, get to know each other and here you are already jumping the gun and undoubtably about to say something mean" I say trying to keep calm and surely he must notice my exhaustion. He removes my hand harshly, shoving it away from him, then runs his through his hair in frustration."You're friend zoning me Nichole, so how the fuck did you expect me to react? I don't want to be your friend, I have plenty as it is, ones that I can fuck as well whenever I want!" He says with pure malice and it hurts to hear him say it, especially when I know it to be true too.

"Why do you do have to say things like that? Do you have any idea how that makes me feel? You chase after me, say you want to be with me and then say all that? Do you think I'm some kind of door mat that you can trample over whenever you feel like it? I'm sorry to disappoint you but I'm not that kind of girl! I have pride, self respect and I'm not that desperate to need or want a boy who treats me that like that. Didn't even occur to you that friendship could lead to more? No of course not! You want what you want and if you don't, you throw a tantrum like a petulant child. All I wanted was time, time to rebuild trust , the trust that you so easily tossed aside to be in bed with some other girl whom you claim means nothing to you and you expect me to forgive and forget just like that?" I snap my fingers in front of him, gesturing just how quickly he expects things to go his way. I hoped that he would understand, but instead he laughed at me in it felt extremely disrespectful.

"I don't chase after you!" He scoffs "You know what you're problem is? You're too up yourself, you're a preppy stuck up bitch that thinks too highly of her self! Get off your high horse love, cause you ain't all that! You were supposed to be some naive girl and an easy lay, someone to add to my black book, but I guess not and I'm getting bored of all this. We're done here!" And with that, he storms off in the opposite direction from mine. I shout out after him saying "FINE! FUCK YOU AND HAVE A NICE DAY!" but he doesn't turn around to argue back, instead he just flips me off and carries on walking away from me, disappearing from my line of sight round a corner of the street. I shouldn't be surprised by what he said, after all that's what he does to all the girls, but I don't believe him, not fully, call me naive, stupid or plain pathetic, but there were moments that were real, deep down in my heart I know this much to be true. Still, the things that he's said hurt but I won't cry, not here and not now, I refuse to give him the satisfaction of seeing me that way, weak and vulnerable, that's just not who I am, well not who I want to be should I say. Now reflecting on all that he's said, my anger comes to the surface, he had the audacity to call me a 'preppy stuck up bitch' which I'm not, I certainly don't think highly of my self if anyone does it's him that condescending jerk and he has friends he can fuck any time he wants? Well he is welcome to them. Fuck him! I won't be nice to him ever again, I will treat him like I've done before, like he is nothing to me, inexistent and should he so much as piss me off, I will put him in his place.