Rainy Madness

Chapter 36

I was fucking drank last night but still I don’t care and just drive myself home. Carlos was stopping me to drink my self to death that’s why I decided to just go home. He was mad and shouting while I was on my way to my car but still didn’t listen to what he is saying.

Sa sobrang kalasingan ko, sa sala pa ako nakatulog at mukhang hinayaan naman na ako ng mga maids. Mom was bugging me the whole morning through calling me in my phone so I just texted her that I’ll come and visit.

I know mom knew already what happen to me kaya ganun nalang siyang nangulit sakin kanina. Kaya rin ako nagising at sa sobrang sakit ng katawan ko at ng ulo ko ay bumangon na ako para makapag ayos ng sarili.

I won’t come to work today because I just can’t. I’m on my way to my mom and maybe accepts all what she will say. I knew she is mad at I know I’m at fault kung ano mang nangyayari sakin ngayon. I won’t blame anyone but just myself for it.

And even though I keep saying to myself to just don’t over think to much, hindi kopa rin magawa. I needed her explanation for it but I know she doesn’t have a clue why I keep on ignoring her since yesterday. I don’t have any valid reasons at alam kong in time maayos ko din ang sarili ko.

When I arrived at my parents house dad just left, at naka salubong kopa ito sa may garahe. He was about to went it pero lumapit ito sakin at bumati.

“ready your ears J. your mom is mad. She knew it from your guards because she keeps on calling you last night” tango ko lang dito saka naman na ako nito tinapik sa balikat at sumakay na ng sasakyan.

Pag pasok ko naman ng bahay ay nasa dinning area ito at may tinitignan sakanyang Ipad kaya humalik na ako sa noo nito. I sat beside her and ask for some coffee saka narin kumuha ng pagkain at nilagay sa plato.

“I’m not meddling at any of your decisions son… but not this time… why are you drunk last night and drive yourself home huh?!” taas na ng boses nito sakin.

“I’m sorry ma… I’m fine and won’t do it again” suko ko rito pero hindi ko naman ito binalingan pa ng tingin.

“thanks God you’re fine!... baka kung napano ka eh atakihin ako sa takot” buntong hininga ko dito. “what happen to you?! Tell me honestly this time ‘cause I need a valid reasons for your stupidity”

“as I said ma, I’m fine… not in the mood to tell but I’m literally fine” ngiti kong tipid dito.

*one messaged received*
Fr. Carlos
The hell was your stunt last night! Fuck you dick head!

Fr. Rayver
Lunch at Jescys’

“and now you’re ignoring me?” Carlos texted that’s why I didn’t hear what my mom said.

“ma please… just get over it… I’m in front of you already” inom ko naman ng tubig sa aking tabi.

“I know something’s bothering you and that I don’t want to know… but please be careful with your actions… I’m still your mom who worries about you… you’re not that young anymore but what you did is a childish thing to do” I saw how worried my mom is that’s why I stood up and went beside her and hug her.

“I love you ma… I’m fine… I will be… I’ll just leave for a few days and be back as soon as possible” hiwalay naman nito sakin.

“fine… update me that you’re safe and I’ll be good with that” tango ko naman dito saka humalik sakanyang ulunan.

“I’ll leave now” tango nito sakin saka naman na ako muling umalis ng bahay.

I was now going back to my house to pack somethings and think through on where should I go. I wanted to go back to that island but it has so many memories with her.

I told myself that I’ll bring someone there who will be my life. I never brought any one there except some friends but not any random girl or even a girl that is my friend.

I know how special that place is from my parents and I promise my self that I’ll only bring a girl if it was my wife already. Whom I’m gonna spend my whole life with and she will be my life.

That’s why I brought Rain there. We are legally married through paper but I know I want to spend my whole life with her. Despite of this so many challenge that we’ve been through.

In time I’ll fix everything. But now I want to fix myself first and be better for her. Hindi ako haharap sakanya na ganto kagulo ang utak ko. Nagulo lang din naman dahil sa speculations about what I saw and it was my fault that my mind is having their own thoughts. I have to tidy it up for my happiness… soon.

I texted Carlos that I’m on my way to the restaurant. I brought my packed bag with me and put it on my passenger side saka kona binaybay ang daan patungo doon.

Alex keep on bugging my phone but I just told him that I needed a leave at wag na muna akong guluhin. He should respect that and I knew dad will back up on me. It’s my first time and will be the last for sure.

When I parked my car I came in with out looking. But it stopped me when I saw Rain with Jescy in one of the tables there. They were shocked and Rain was confused about my actions. But this time it pains me again that’s why I backed off.

That stunt will hurt Rain for sure but I was hurting my self too. Selfish way to be pero ngayon lang. ngayon lang ako magiging selfish para sa sarili ko. Ngayon lang ako nasaktan ng ganto kaya alam kong ngayon lang ako magiging selfish para sa sarili ko at para sa damdamin ko. It really hurts me big time kaya lalayo na muna ako. It is wrong so I’m gonna make it right in time.

I was on my way to Southern area and while driving I was also surfing the net to check some resort that I can go to. Carlos is calling and even Rain but I’m ignoring them. I need space and I need them to respect that.

When I arrived at this resort I turned off my phone and just checked in for at least an over night stay. I need air and a relaxing place to stay in.

It was in the middle of the week kaya walang tao halos ang resort. I choose to stay sa pinakamalayong villa nila para hindi ako magulo ng mga taong naka check in. nilapag kona lang ang gamit ko sa kwarto saka ko naman tinungo ang karagatan.

It was that peaceful view that keep my sanity sane. I just sat there and stared at the beautiful view. Nasa ilalim naman ako ng puno kaya may lilim at malakas ang hangin kaya hindi ko dama ang init ng araw.

The view is serene and the ocean is peaceful as well. Napatigil lang naman ako when someone shouted. It was a girl running at mukhang nag kukulitan sila ng kanyang boyfriend.

Why didn’t we even start on that phase? Why our meeting was as dreadful as it is? As I vividly remember her when I was a kid hindi ko rin naman halos ito nakausap dahil masyado pa itong bata noon. Ilag rin ito sa tao at laging naka dikit sa kanyang kuya at may sarili silang mundong mag kapatid.

But that’s what just it. Wala ng sumunod and then when I saw her again problema agad ang bumalot sa aming dalawa. Hanggang sa alam kong nahuhulog na ang loob namin sa isa’t isa pero may humahadlang nanaman.

I took a time off and when destiny works akala ko mag dedere-deretcho na. pero hindi parin pala. I don’t believe in destiny dahil kung ganto iyon kagulo, mukhang iiwas at iiwas ako.

Hindi ko alam kung naka tadhana talaga kami o pinag lalaruan lang kami ng tadhana. Masyado naman ata kaming pinapahirapan na makuha ang kaligayahan lalo na parehas lang din naman kaming nasasaktan. That scares me more. I can handle my pain but I know she can’t. I hate seeing her in pain, kasi mas nasasaktan ako pag ganoon. It’s a tiring cycle, and waiting is much more tiring than it is.