To the one I loved the most

Looking back

"And i think the problem is that I'm always going to feel like I could've done more; more to fix things and help you see my point of view, more to stop you from walking away. I'm always going to think about the what ifs. At the end of the day I will always miss what we had and i will ache for that time in my life again. People will tell me I've just outgrown you but how could I outgrow the only person who knew I was upset even when i had the biggest smile on my face? I always felt like you knew me better than anyone but now i think you were just making good guesses. Now you have changed for the worse. Now you have this new life with new people, and it is like i didn't make the cut. Now, the girl who has been with you through hell and back, is left behind. The girl you used to prioritize is now just a meek option. And that is messed up. That screws with my head. After everything we had been through, after all that you said, how can i sit here and be okay with all the damage you have made? How can i fix the holes in who I am now? You convinced me you would always be here and then you turned and walked away. But the worst part is, you didn't even realize it. You are blind to the fact that you have changed and you claim to not know why I am so hurt. So what did I try and do? I tried to cover it all up and convince myself I was overreacting. I tried to forget all of the times you hurt me and bury it in the ground. I tried to ignore our unfinished business and the things we needed to talk about. I did all of this until it became too much to handle and now it is exploding into a giant mess of confusion, heartbreak, and wondering what I did wrong. I tried to pick up the pieces but I can no longer look you in the eyes. I poured out my heart to you and told you everything, and you left me here to bleed out. I trusted you with my life, but now I barely trust any words that come out of your mouth. I will always miss the person I thought you were, the person you used to be; the kind hearted and loving person I did everything with. And i know missing you will come in waves that will ruin me on some nights. And I know this healing process will take a very, very long time. I know that despite all of this, you lost someone who would've followed you anywhere. It's scary how fast best friends can become strangers. I know it will take some time, but what I know now is this: even the people you thought would never change, do; and sometimes they become who they swore they'd never be. Sometimes there is no going back."