A Door That Closes Too Soon

18 - The Missing Kid Found Passed Out In The Park

I'm gonna be real a second (for just a millisecond-) I'm suicidal, recently been told some things by some people that really fucking hurt, listening to For Forever on loop, and writing, so this chapter isn't exactly gonna be...happy. It's gonna include some of my inner thoughts and things.

tw: suicidal thoughts and suicide

Connor stood in front of the dresser with a bottle in his hand. The cap was open. There were pills poured into his hand.

"Jared, just leave me alone. P-please."

"Connor, don't."

"Jared, I...." Connor was shaking violently. Jared couldn't do anything but watch. "Jared, I have to. I just want you...and Evan...I want you to be happy."

Jared shook his head. "No." Connor looked down at the pills in his hand. "No," he said again. "You can't."

"And why the fuck not? You don't love me, my family doesn't give a shit about me, and Evan just gets anxious whenever I'm around him."

Jared did the only thing he could think of. He pushed his lips onto Connor's.

Connor kissed back for a moment, but he pushed Jared away. "Fuck off, Kleinman." Connor spat out Jared's name like it was poisonous. "Just go away." His voice was vulnerable again, scared. Of himself or of Jared, not even Connor knew.

"Don't kill yourself, Murphy." Jared said.

"You have to go," Connor said, almost pleading.

"Connor, I love you, I really do."

"Please, just go."

"Connor..."

"Please," Connor said again.

Jared left.

***

'Look at you, you idiot.'

Stop it.

'They wouldn't care, and you know it.'

Yes they would.

'What's the point of staying alive?'

I don't know.

'You know where they are.'

I can't.

'Top drawer under the hoodies.'

I know.

The voices mingled with his own so much that Connor couldn't tell which were logical. Jared left. He was alone, he could do whatever he wanted. He didn't just want this, though.

They needed it.

Didn't they?

Connor's parents and sister didn't notice him walking out the door. The bottle was stuffed in the pocket of his hoodie. Connor wasn't supposed to be driving. He didn't care much, not about that, not about anything.

***

Connor frequently went to the orchard. He would climb the fence. Nobody else really went, that he knew of, aside from a couple of kids who came to get high. He liked the peace and quiet of his own mind, though. After being with Jared and Evan for a few days in a row, he needed it.

Jared and Evan. Connor figured they were nice, as far as soulmates go. He was sure they were good friends, before he lost his memory.

But now Jared and Evan were the last thing on his mind. He didn't know why he chose the tree that he chose. It was the tallest one he could see, and he liked that about it. He leaned against it. Connor looked around at the world. His last look at everything.

"Let's go, Murphy," Connor said to himself. His phone vibrated in his pocket.

InsanelyLame: Seriously, don't hurt yourself

InsanelyLame: Zoe said you weren't home, where are you?

Evan had tried to reach him as well.

TreeBoy: Are you okay?

Connor went into the group chat he had with both of them. Now or never.

TheEmo: im sorry guys

InsanelyLame: Connor?

TreeBoy: Don't do it Con

TheEmo: i have to i cant make it stop

InsanelyLame: Connor where are you we'll stay with you for however long you need

TheEmo: what if youre too late?

TreeBoy: Connor please

InsanelyLame: Everything is gonna be okay Connor where are you

TheEmo: orchard

InsanelyLame: Are you okay?

TreeBoy: We're coming

TheEmo: i love you

InsanelyLame: Connor we'll be there don't worry

TheEmo: im sorry

TreeBoy: Connor?

InsanelyLame: Connor????

Connor faded in and out of consciousness, barely aware of the texts he was getting.

Everything went black.