A Door That Closes Too Soon

21 - My World Has Gone Dark

even more trigger warnings what a surprise: death, and I mean a literal dead body is descrived, kinda depressing thoughts, generally just a lot of grief and mourning, those kinds of topics are gonna be addressed from now until the end of the book

It was quiet. Five people in all black sitting around the table. None of them ate. Jared and Evan held hands under the table.

"Jared, how did you know...Connor?" Cynthia asked him, wearing an obviously fake smile.

"Evan introduced me to him," Jared said, his grip tightening on Evan's hand. It wasn't a complete lie, he just left out the fact that he hated Connor at one point. "He figured out that we were...." Jared trailed off, but Cynthia nodded anyways. The table went silent once more.

Zoe was the first to stand. She grabbed Evan and pulled him up by the shoulder. They made eye contact and all three teenagers went upstairs.

"You were boyfriends, you can't tell me that you didn't...that you didn't know anything," Zoe said when they got into her room. "I mean you came to see him that day, didn't you?!" Jared looked between anxious Evan and Zoe. He had absolutely no idea how to console two people at once.

"There's nothing we can do," Jared said.

"I know. I just wish I hadn't...I wish I had told him...about everything."

"Me too," Jared said. Evan hugged Jared's arm, burying his head in Jared's shoulder. He was crying. "Just remember the good times, right?" Jared said to Zoe, trying to make sure Evan didn't engulf him in a hug as he talked. "Jesus, I'm bad at this."

"You're good at this," Evan said, his voice muffled by Jared's shoulder.

"You're taller than me, Evan, stop trying to suffocate me."

"I'm an inch taller," Evan protested.

"Jared is an inch gayer," Zoe remarked. (kInKy)

"So are you," Jared reminded her. She scoffed.

"I'm pan. There's a difference. Now get out of my room and fuck somewhere else."

"Okay, but you're a bitch," Jared said, dragging Evan to Connor's room.

"Jared...," Evan mumbled, pausing in the doorway. He wore a suddenly sad expression. He looked everywhere but inside the room.

"Evan, you know we have to face it. Someday we have to face it." Evan knew that Jared was right. That didn't do much to dull the pain of the situation. "Do you need...?" Evan nodded. Even if medication did nothing for him but numb his emotions, Evan would be happy with that. Jared gave him the pill. The sight of it made Evan think of when they found Connor in the orchard. It made him feel nauseous, but he took it anyway, mumbling a thank you.

***

"Where the fuck is he?" Jared muttered to himself. Evan trailed behind him, trying to delay what he felt had to be inevitable.

"I don't know." Evan looked around for the first time since they had arrived. He could see a tall tree in the distance. He recognized it as the one that had given him a broken arm. "There," he said, pointing to the tree.

"How do you know?"

"I just...do." Jared shrugged and they both walked over to the tree. Jared stopped a couple yards away, causing Evan to bump into him. Even in the setting sun, Evan could see why.

There was a body slumped against the tree. Connor's body. He was pale, his mouth slightly open. His eyes were closed, in an almost peaceful way. Jared wondered if Connor was happy, wherever he was now. There were visible tear stains on his face. Jared felt tears trail down his own face.

Evan ran up to him while Jared stayed frozen, his eyes not moving from Connor's hand, holding an empty bottle that once contained pills.

Evan didn't notice. He tried frantically to see if Connor was alive, although he knew the answer as soon as he saw him. He quickly just fell onto Connor's chest and started crying.

Jared's body unfroze and he ran to Evan's side, pulling him away from Connor, a difficult act, as Evan clung to him. Evan cried into Jared's chest.

"Everything is going to be okay," Jared mumbled, keeping his eyes away from his boyfriend's dead body. He knew it wasn't the truth, but he tried to convince himself anyways.

Sincerely Me is the worst song to listen to right now I almost cried hearing Connor.

My mental state probably can't handle writing stuff like this, but look how many fucks I give:

~ DJ