All That We Are...

Chapter 17

When I turn to look in the mirror I see blood splattered on my clothes. Ripping them right off I toss them towards the trash I will never wear them again. The memory of other people's blood socking them makes me shiver. Looking at my skin my skin there is some spots with dried blood where it must if soaked through. Turning on the shower I feel this sudden need to get it all off of me.

Its cold at first but I don't care I let the water ping at my skin and it slowly starts to get warm. Closing my eyes I let my head fall back letting the water run down me. When I look back down all I see is blood, red is everywhere circling around me, like it is falling down on top of me from above. Panicking I start scrubbing my skin to make it go away a soft sob comes out of me that I can't control, crouching down I start digging at the drain to make the water go faster but nothing comes up and the water keeps accumulating. Ive lost control and everything that happened starts replaying in my head. Tears are now running with the water falling upon me.

So much has happened my emotions are a tangled mess. Everyone of those things used to be a person. They had their own stories, families they used to go home to, jobs they attended and either loved or hated them. I know mentally that they are not those people anymore but I just so easily put them to rest without a care. Sitting on the tile floor I grab my knees pulling them to my chest.

"Henley what's wrong?" Hearing a deep voice from the other side of the door invade my thoughts but I don't move or answer him.

"Say something or I'm coming in." He jiggles the knob but it doesn't open it. I hear his voice but cant make out what he says. The door comes flying open hitting the wall. Sliding the glass door open he looks down at me with his striking blue eyes and quickly closes them titling his head to the ceiling.

"It won't wash off. All the blood it's everywhere, I'm not even sure its blood, it could be dirt, I could be seeing things. I'm not sure I think I'm going crazy." I say through my tears, hiccuping on my last word.

"Your not crazy. It's just everything that's happened today is finally hitting you. You're in shock." I hear what he is saying but I can't stop seeing red. I frantically start to rub my arms again.

"I just want it off. All those people it's like their purposefully clinging to me for what I did to them." I begin scrapping my nails against my skin trying to get it deeper.

"They're not people" His voice is so low. Looking back down at me he opens his eyes looking connecting them with mine and I begin to calm.

"I just want it off." I shakily say.

"I know you do. I can help you. Just don't take this the wrong way." He says right before he takes a step in the shower fully clothed. Grabbing something off the shelf he bends down and starts massaging shampoo into my hair. He slowly starts at the top then piles it all into one. I watch the white suds fall all around me. The ache starts to ease up as I start to see clean.

Grabbing my elbows he helps me stand up to rinse the rest out of my long hair. Starring directly into my eyes not once looking down he grabs the bottle of soap putting a large amount into his hand. Rubbing them together he places one on each shoulder and starts to clean my body.

Cleaning all the way down my arms first when he gets to my hands he laces his fingers in with mine. Placing a hand on my chest and the other on my back almost holding me in place he rubs small circles over my skin. The crying has stopped and I focus on where his hands are touching. Running one in between my breasts my heart rate quickens there's no way he can't feel it racing. Taking each breast one at a time lightly lifting the weight of them in his hand. Rubbing his palms ever so gently my nipples harden making my breasts swell under his lite grip. The whole time he never breaks moves his gaze from my face.