love happy • chris evans (bwwm)

• twenty four •

"Why are you smoking babe?" Phoenix asked kindly after joining Chris on the balcony and hugging him from behind. They'd just gone 3 rounds and rather than cuddling with her afterwards, Chris put on a pair of shorts and went outside. She was aware he used to smoke both cigarettes and weed recreationally but now he only tended to do so when he was stressed, overwhelmed, or anxious. She had been planning on sharing her feelings with him but with his current state, she didn't want to make him feel worse than he already did. "Chris, I'm talking to you..."

He placed his hand on top of the arm that was wrapped around his waist. "I know Phoenix. I just don't have an answer for you."

Phoenix rested her cheek on Chris's back after placing a soft kiss on his skin. "I'm okay with staying here tonight if you need me to."

"I don't need you to."

"Or want me to." She added quietly while taking a step away from her boyfriend.

"You told me you didn't want to stay here and that you already booked your flight." He reminded. "It wouldn't make me feel better to know that you'd only be staying out of pity when you'd rather be somewhere else."

"Or maybe I changed my mind because I don't want to leave my boyfriend for 3 weeks on bad terms and you're clearly upset about something."

"Am I? Hmm that's news to me."

Rather than responding, Phoenix slid in between Chris's body and the glass fence that surrounded the balcony. She took the cigarette that was hanging loosely from his fingers and dramatically threw it on the ground. She wasn't sure what had gotten into him but she wasn't loving the sudden attitude.

Chris blew out a final cloud of smoke before finally allowing himself to make eye contact with his girlfriend. "Why did you do that?"

"I needed to get your attention."

"Well you have it now."

"Are you okay?" Phoenix asked.

"Didn't you have something you wanted to talk to me about?" Chris ignored the question and formulated his own.

"I did. I do." She confirmed. "But it's pretty serious and I'm not going to bring it up when you're already this bothered about something else."

"I'm not bothered." Chris half lied. He mentally acknowledged the fact that it was wrong for him to listen to Phoenix's conversation but he was also glad he did because it prepared him for what was to come. Was he happy about what he heard? No. But he wasn't upset with Phoenix one bit and couldn't fault her for how she felt.

What bothered him the most was the fact that he knew exactly how she felt and still couldn't see it. For someone who needed space, he found her to be awfully affectionate which he actually loved but he had gotten no hints that Phoenix was feeling suffocated by their relationship. Although she told Tom it wasn't Chris's fault, he still wondered in the back of his mind if he had done something to make her feel the way she did.

"Are you okay?" She asked again. The last thing Phoenix wanted to do was leave him on bad terms; and regardless of wanting space, she needed things to be okay with her and Chris; which was why she chose to be intimate with him one last time before breaking the news.

"I'm just a little confused." Chris confessed. "When you went to take a shower, your video was still running and at the end there was a conversation between you and Tom that I overheard."

"Is that why you're mad at me?"

"I'm not mad at you Phoenix." He sighed. "I just didn't see it coming. As I said before, I'm confused."

"I can completely understand the confusion." Phoenix nodded. "But hopefully I can explain it well enough to give you some clarity."

"I hope so."

"I haven't been feeling like myself lately Chris." She began. "When I started thinking about it I realized I've just been adjusting to your lifestyle, so much so that I've lost sight of what it was like to have my own."

Chris ran his fingers up and down her arms. He could only imagine how hard it was for Phoenix to open up to him and he knew he had to be there to offer physical and emotional support, no matter what. "What can I do to help you?"

"I don't think you can help me. I have to help myself."

"What do you need?"

"I need a break from us for a while. It's too easy to get wrapped into sexual things when you're around me and I just need to reset. We know the physical intimacy is there and it'll probably always be but what do we have when we take that away?" She sighed. "I need to step away for a bit."

"What do you mean by step away? Do you want to breakup, Phoenix?"

"No, no! Of course not sweet face!" She answered while hugging him tightly. "I have no doubt that I'm in love with you. But right now, I need to get back to having my own life rather than constantly going where you go. I'm gonna get my own place in L.A. and stay there while you're here in Boston."

"Does that mean I won't see you at all for 12 weeks?"

"You're still my boyfriend Chris and it's still important that we see each other and spend time together in person. But we both need to remember what it felt like to not be with one another all the time." Phoenix replied. "I'll still come see you, probably once every few weeks."

"It's going to be difficult not seeing you for weeks at a time." Chris admitted. Hearing Phoenix explain what was going through her mind helped him to grasp the realization that she was absolutely right. For two years, she had made a number of sacrifices for their relationship including holding off parts of her life to make sure she and Chris didn't spent too long apart when he was shooting. He had gotten so used to having Phoenix around, everywhere he went, that it'd be a MAJOR adjustment to not have her around for weeks at a time. "I support and respect anything that's going to make you feel better."

"Thank you for understanding."

"Thank you for making sacrifices to keep this relationship alive." Chris spoke while grabbing both of her hands. "You deserve to take as long as you need to get back to your passions and I'll be right here waiting to greet you with hugs and kisses whenever you're ready for me."

"I love you." Phoenix smiled before jumping into Chris's arms. She wrapped her legs around his waist as he rested his hands under her bum. "I'm gonna miss you dork."

"I love you too honeybee and I'm gonna miss you so very much."

"Please don't somehow become an old man with a wife in another timeline when I come back to you." She joked before placing a kiss on his neck. "Don't do me like you did Bucky."

"I promise." He replied with a laugh while raising his left pinky, revealing the sun tattoo he got for Phoenix a week prior. "I pinky promise."

"Perfect." Phoenix smiled after wrapping her pinky around Chris's.

"When do I need to get you to the airport?"

"In about an hour and a half."

"Can you stay?" Chris asked quietly. "I need you."

"Of course."

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Voluntary questionnaire: who do you think has sacrificed more in this relationship? Phoenix, Chris, or has it been pretty equal? (I'm just curious to see where everyone's head is at.)