game over | lee felix | ✔

09

That night, I didn't sleep at all.

I'm not the kind of girl that cries a lot so the entire cried myself to sleep thing doesn't apply to me. Whenever I'm upset, I just stare up at the ceiling and hope for a miracle to happen that makes me fall asleep. Sadly, that didn't happen last night and it was just me and the turmoil of emotions that accompanied me until dawn, when the blaring of my alarm clock harshly interrupted my thoughts. I've been running on auto-pilot ever since, just following my morning routine while avoiding my sister at all cost. Heck, I don't even want to call her my sister at this point.

Felix' last words yesterday replay in my head, over and over. It's as if my mind is out to rub it in a little more, just to bother the girl who's hardly ever upset. I want to explain to my best friend that it's all a huge misunderstanding, that I would never do something like this to him because our friendship is way too important to play with.

How am I going to fix this? How am I going to get this right again? It might not look like a big deal to you but the look in his eyes was definitely something else. He blocked me before I even tried to reach out to him over the phone and that's bad. Judging from the looks of it right now, he won't let me near anytime soon.

Thoughts like that cross my mind as I shamble through the hallways, not even bothering to lift my feet properly. Excuse me, I'm walking like zombie, I humorlessly think, attempting to crack a joke to myself to lighten my mood. But why do I even try? Of course, it's not going to work.

As I near my assigned classroom, a sudden thought strikes me and my heart skips a beat. When Soojae asked me about he request yesterday, she was very well aware of Felix' presence, wasn't she? She opened the door, looked him straight in the eye and was there in the hallway when I was upstairs to grab my books. My mouth feels awfully dry as I attempt to swallow. Was it her intention for Felix to hear it? Was it all a setup?

With those thoughts accompanying me, I enter the classroom. I was planning to keep my head low and head straight to my seat in the far back of the room. But nothing ever goes as planned and it's as if my body acts on its own as I raise my head and find the boy on the other end of the classroom. Our eyes meet and we stare at each other a few seconds too long. It's a gaze full of anger, sadness and other painful emotions and I feel it tugging on my heartstrings. I feel like I'm ready to burst into tears right now and here.

And then it's over.

With a scowl, Felix averts his gaze and I bite my lower lip as I walk to my seat. Usually, Felix sits next to me during Algebra but from the looks of it, he switched seats already.  So far for having a chance to explain everything, huh? He doesn't even let me near anymore.

It hurts like hell, to be honest. I'm trying my best to keep my cool and I'm managing just right on the outside. But on the inside, I'm slowly breaking down once more. I just feel so empty, knowing that my friendship with Felix seems to be a mere memory instead. Blinking profusely, I take out my Algebra textbook and wait for the teacher to arrive. The loud chattering of my classmates pounds on my eardrums and a nagging pain settles in my temples. I nearly pity myself for how miserable everything looks at this point.

As the teacher, Mrs. Jung, enters the classroom, everyone immediately grows silent. This lady is known for giving detention for the slightest mishap and after around 80% of the class ended up in detention at once, she's gained a legendary amount of respect. For once, I really appreciate her power because at least it's quiet now. Yet, the pounding headache endures.

It only takes a few minutes to realize I can't focus at all. I try my hardest but anything Mrs. Jung says just doesn't make any sense to me right now. Usually, I'm fairly good at Algebra but right now, my brain is just a useless puddle of sadness and hurt. The fact that Felix is in this classroom doesn't make it any better and my mind threatens to enter a state of panic more than once. After twenty minutes I just give up. My mind blacks out and I managed to upset myself beyond repair.

So I quietly raise my hand, grabbing the attention of Mrs. Jung.

"Can I go to the infirmary, please? I don't feel well," I speak in a small voice. I don't even have to fake anything, the broken sound of my voice is genuine and the woman gives me a concern-filled glance.

"Sure, do you maybe need Mr. Lee to accompany you?" she asks, eyeing Felix for a split second.

I give her a painful smile. Of course, she would ask that. Everyone in this school knows how inseparable we are -were- and wherever I would go, Felix would follow. Her suggestion makes my heart break a little more.

"No, it's okay, I'm fine," I reassure her, packing my stuff and slinging my bag over my shoulder. With a quick bow, I greet the teacher and leave the classroom.

I can perfectly image Felix' disgusted face when he heard Mrs. Jung's proposal; he would often make that face after the kitchen staff messed up again. That's why I chose not to look at him on my way out. Seeing that expression directed at me would be a bit too much for me now.

Surely, I feel like I can breathe properly again now that I'm not in the same room as Felix any longer. It's like a crushing weight is lifted from my chest, that suffocating feeling slowly fading away. This entire situation is so messed up; I'm the one breaking his faith in me and yet I'm the one that can't stand being around him anymore.

I walk straight past the infirmary, already having another destination in my mind; the rooftop. Since we don't have a fancy rooftop like many other high schools, it's abandoned most of the time. The perfect spot for a struggling teenager with boy problems, I guess? To my relief, the hallways are completely empty. I have a hard time keeping a straight face and I don't want anyone to see me like this.

The staircase that leads to the rooftop is at the end of a long hallway and it feels like forever until I reach it. Once I'm finally there, I open the door and the soft morning breeze greets me. I let out a long sigh as I close the door behind me and venture further onto the surface of the rooftop. It's nothing more than concrete with a men-high fence around it. There's nothing to make it more welcoming, more comfortable for students. But I like it that way.

My legs take me to the far east corner of the rooftop, where I squat down before leaning my back against the fence. I instantly feel better, with the sounds of nature and fresh air surrounding me rather than the noisy and cramped classrooms. It's as if the fog in my head evaporates a little, just a little but enough to make a difference in my state of mind. I think it's for the better if I just spend the remaining of the first class here, far away and out of sight of my former best friend.

Maybe I can even come up with a plan to fix this mess but I don't have high hopes. Right now, it really looks like it's game over for me. I'm losing a game I never really wanted to play.