My sister's fiance Book 1 [complete]

24.

Each day gets harder and harder. Why? Because each day the wedding gets closer and closer and the more closer it gets the more nervous I get. Not to mention my belly got bigger. It's almost showing and I wonder if anyone notice how larger my clothes are getting.

I doubt it. They are too occupied with the wedding and the lovely couple getting married.

I try to avoid his gaze at all cost knowing he can read me well. I'm afraid he'll see through my facade and see how I am really feeling.

Guilt.

That's the most I've been feeling since that night. It didn't help. That we had to continue the act when my mother invite us over.

At those moment I don't feel it but whenever I am alone that's when I feel it burning reminding of my lies. I don't think I am far from losing my sanity but I can't lost it.

I have to pull through. I can't lie about how heart broken I feel when I see them together. How my heart clench painfully at the sight. I wonder at times if he is going through the same as me. The process is very painful and slow and everyday it tears my heart apart piece by piece. I regretted my decision but it was for the best. That's what I kept telling myself.

But I wished I had just come clean and admitted everything to everyone and confess my undying love to him as cliche as that sounds. I should have done that instead of running...

But it would have been so easier if there wasn't some addition to my sins. To our sin.

Would life have been easier if I had just confess? I will never know cause I never did and it's too late to confess now seeing that the wedding is on its way and everyone seems happy about it.

Even me.

Yeah. But it's fake all of it. All the laughter and share of joy about the couple getting married. The enthusiasm. All fake. It's exhausting but at least I have someone standing beside me. He's helping me get through all this. He turns my frown upside down even if it's difficult. When you're watching the love of your life gets married away with someone else.

It's not like I'm not going to see him again. He's going to be in my life everyday especially on holidays. The days I would dread, loath but I would be happy but not happy like happy, just happy.

Would that happy be enough for me to come face to face with the one I once love. The one who would have a family but not with me.

Thinking about all of this makes my head hurt...it makes my heart hurt even more knowing I lost the one thing that should have made me happy for the rest of my life. Why do people always want what's not theirs?

Because it looks like I always fall for the ones that I know would be impossible for us to be together. This love is impossible. Impossible. I wish that wasn't a word.

Most of all I wished I had fight for my love but I just let it go like I do all the time. I think it's because I am not selfish and I would never want to take what does not belong to me.

I would never want that to happen to me. Someone taking away something from me that was mine, that I love...they are taking away the love of my life from me. He belonged to me. He was mine. He was mine before. Was. He wasn't even mine to begin with. He never was never will. I'll always end up with things that are not mine.

I wish I could storm over to my parents house and scream at my parents. Why wasn't I the one who was being married to a man I was arranged to be married? Oh I know I hate arranged marriage and because of it I am losing the one I love.Why didn't he fight for us harder?

I know because I didn't give him a chance to fight...but he should have fought harder. I would have eventually cave in. We would be the one getting married and he would know of the magic we created together.