Touch In The Dark (MxM) ✓ *editing on hold.

Basically I'm Gay*

Rune

A girl stood in front of us, the same girl from earlier...what did she want? I couldn't help but look at Tan as he ogled at her, I threw a glare her way but it went ignored as she kept her heart eyes on Tan exclusively, that not only bothered me, it also enraged me. I had completely forgotten that there was a chance that Tan would end up dating a girl.

"Hey..." Tan responds, much to my dismay.

The girl shot him a flirty smile and I couldn't help but look between the two in irritation, how could I have been so wrong? It can't be that i'm the only one who felt something that night when we'd been intimate, it must've meant something to him as well; unless it was something he did on a daily basis.

"I'm Kanya, and you?" she asked and Tan ran his hand through his thick brown hair as he responded, a move he often did when he got nervous, "Tan... did you need something...Kanya?'' he asked her.

"I just...noticed you while you were studying and i..." she pushes a strand of hair behind her ear as she looks down, blushing innocently. But to me, she was being disgustingly tenacious and devious; all her actions from the fake smile to her blushes bothered me, because they were all being used to get Tan in her clutches.

"I want your number" she finally admits as if it weren't already obvious, Tan looked horribly uncomfortable in that moment-good. "I...uh" Tan turned to me, for what i didn't know, i could only think about how he might end up with this girl, taking her to some room, getting naked and...

"Sorry, i'm not interested...in girls" Tan admits, however, the girl seemed unfazed by what he said but I was. My eyes shot to Tan and I bit back a smile.

"I still want your number" she said and he was taken aback, but not more than me. I stared with my mouth agape in shock. "Did you not hear what i just said?" Tan asked and she nodded, 

"You're gay, but i'm positive i can change that" she says smiling and I felt almost disgusted by her words. "I'm not interested" he said but even then she stood her ground, "i'm not taking no for an answer" she says firmly. If she wasn't a girl, i'd have broken the fuck out of her face.

"Give me your phone" she states and he hands it over reluctantly, she puts in her number and her picture before handing it back to him. She skips away and Tan stood there motionless for a few minutes and he only snapped out of his daze when I shook him awake, "let's go" I say, trying to hide the smile on my lips. "That girl she-" "forget her, she's the crazy kind, delete her number and lets go" I say, trying to reassure him. I could only hope it was the last we'd seen of this girl. I'm still triggered by the whole 'I can make you straight thing', you couldn't change how someone is, that's who they are.

Tan

Four days had passed since I had seen Kanya and I felt greatly relieved, I really didn't want to see that girl again. I'd even blocked her number. But that was the least of my problems. Rune had started to ignore me recently; i hadn't said anything because there was no need to. I figured that Rune probably decided to make friends with people who were in his class, so he had no time to converse with me. It was obvious from the way he'd just ditch our plans every day to hang out with these new guys he'd met. That doesn't mean I'm bothered by it, i know that i like Rune at this point and to see him blatantly ignore me hurts like a bitch. Sometimes it seemed like he was doing it on purpose, as if all the ignoring and pretending he'd forgotten about our plans, was all just to get a reaction out of me.

However, I'm not going to give him the satisfaction, definitely not going to go after him like a lost puppy. I already came to terms with the fact that Rune is probably straight and whatever happened five days ago, was just the result of the alcohol he'd ingested. But clearly I'm not fully over it; I still hope that Rune felt something for me and not just as a friend, if we were still that at this point.

Ever since Rune became distant, I decided I needed to expand my group of friends. Ergo, I had made friends with some guys at the basketball court and I intend to meet them for a game in an hour. I look up from my phone as Rune walks out of the bathroom looking incredibly attractive without even trying, "I might be late tonight, don't wait up" i say before looking back at my phone, not bothering to look at his expression. Evidently, now the only face he ever wore with me was a blank and expressionless one, it seems he really was trying to hide what he was feeling and that hurt me a lot more than it should. "Ok" Rune responds as he left the dorm.

It was 10 pm when i met the guys at the basketball court; I nod in their direction as I toss a water bottle and towel onto the bench. I jog back to them and played.

By the time we were done it was 12 am, I was sweaty and exhausted as I emptied the contents of the bottle onto my head. Patting my face dry as I turn to the guys, "let's go get some food, I'm starving". Of the other 9 guys, 4 nodded and I followed them to the nearby 24-hour restaurant. I ate until I was full and paid my part.

"I got to go, see you guys" Pete says as he gets up to leave, we all wave goodbye.

"Let's have some drinks before we leave" I suggest and they all nod, "ok then, 4 Mekhong whiskeys" i tell the waiter who returns shortly with our alcohol. "Ooohh look at that girl, she's so fucking hot" my other friend Art whispers to the rest of them, we all turn in her direction. She seemed to notice their eyes on her so she turns around and gives them the finger, "you wound me" Robin says, mocking hurt. She ignores them as she leaves to the back of the restaurant with her friend. "You guys can't even get one simple girl?" I say, laughing at their failure. ''you can do better?" Art asks but I shake my head, "not interested".

After I finish my bottle, i was nowhere near drunk yet because of my high tolerance. I end up ordering another drink which I only finished half of before leaving the restaurant with Art, since he also lives in our building. The cool midnight air feels refreshing against my warm skin. I inhale the air that permeated of coconut bread and something else. We walk to my dorm in a tranquil silence, lazily waving goodbye to Art before unlocking and entering my dark dorm room. My eyes felt incredibly heavy as I toss my towel into the laundry basket, ready to collapse onto my bed.

I stop dead in my tracks as my eyes adjust to the dark room, the sound I hear fully awakening me. In front of me was a girl straddling Rune, but that's not all they were doing, they were engrossed in a sloppy kissing session. Rune seemed to notice my presence when he pushed the girl off of himself, his eyes shot to me, for the first time in days i had seen an actual expression on his face and i could only decipher it as shock and nervousness. I remain frozen in my place for a few seconds until I finally spoke at the same time as Rune, ''i'll go stay over at Art's place, continue whatever you were doing''.

I rush to the door only to have Rune grab my arm, ''don't go'.'

I look at the girl sitting on the bed in embarrassment then at Rune who had his hair tousled, his shirt wrinkled and his sweatpants hanging low on his hips, my gaze returning to his captivating face then lingering at his swollen lips before meeting his dark eyes which were an ocean of different emotions of sadness, worry, vulnerability, and something else I didn't understand. I swallow the lump in my throat and shake my head, ''no thanks''.

Once I leave the dorm, all the pain crashes onto me at once. My chest tightened and suddenly breathing became difficult. I ignore what I know I'm feeling, I barely even knew Rune yet here I am feeling as if I'd experienced the greatest loss of my life. I know I should have tried harder to get rid of how I felt about Rune, a straight guy I have no chance with, even if it mostly started with a mere physical attraction. If I never thought that there would've been the smallest of a possibility that Rune felt the same way about me, seeing him intimate with this random girl- she may be his girlfriend for all i knew-wouldn't have hurt as much as it did. I really am naive to think that Rune cares for me. I hate myself for feeling like a petty loser, crying over a guy... I feel like a character in a cliche romance gay novel that doesn't have a happy ending. Am I doomed to forever be alone because I'm gay?

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Thank you for getting this far, it really means a lot.