Don't leave me here alone~ Starkbucks (Winteriron)

Worth the risk

Peter entered the private library again, looking for something new to read. Yes, he wished he could leave the tower but for the time being he knew that it wasn't safe. And no, that didn't mean he didn't feel like it was unfair. Peter knew the reason behind it, he knew Steve was out there. How could he forget? But just because he knew why didn't mean he agreed with it. Even if he knew it was for his own safety, it didn't stop the feeling of being locked up. And it isn't like he wanted that feeling either. He hated feeling like that. The tower was supposed to be his home, and it was, but even so, it felt like a prison. And he hated it.

"What is you doing?" Tony asked, sitting in the shadows as Peter entered the library.
It startled Peter, thinking that it was Steve or something. "Oh my god- don't do that..."
"Sorry. But why are you in here?"
"Need more books."
"That's my private library."
"Well, I'm your son, so, like, does it really matter?"
"Yes, it does."
"Please? I've read everything in my room about five times!"
"Fine..." Tony sighed, but Peter reading books from his library was better than him being bored and sneaking out. Not that Peter wasn't bored, since reading books 24/7 gets boring after a while, especially when you've been held captive in a room for 3 months and now are feeling very claustrophobic but still can't leave your house. Even if that house is Stark Tower. Although, Tony preferred to pretend he wasn't bored rather than think about the possibility that maybe he should let Peter leave the tower for at least a little while.

"Yay!" Peter grabbed a few books, wondering wether or not he should ask the question he was dying to know the answer to.
"Dad...?"
"Yeah?"
"Could... when can I go out..?"
"When Steve is dead."
"But that good take forever!"
"It's not worth the risk!"
"Neither was coming to get me back in the first place!"

To Peter, it was the truth. he constantly felt guilty. Whenever it was way too obvious that Bucky didn't remember who he used to be, whenever Tony's smiles weren't quite genuine, when Bucky did things because he thought it would please one of them instead of doing what he wanted to do himself, when he saw Tony pouring his fourth cup of coffee that day at 3 am and returning to the lab with the most tired expression on his face like he hadn't slept in ages, his eye bags even more visible than usual. All of it. Every single little thing that the three of them ignored in order to convince themselves and eachother that everything was fine, when it was so painfully obvious that it wasn't. Peter felt guilty for it all. If he had just been stronger, or smart enough to realise what was happening before it happened then he wouldn't have been taken, and neither would his dads. Or, better yet, they never adopted him in the first place. He never even met them. Because as much as he loved his dads, Peter wishes the two had never met him. They wouldn't have had to go after him if they didn't. They wouldn't have gotten hurt. Sometimes, Peter wished he could go back in time and made it so he never even applied for the internship. And it's not like he wasn't grateful, he just wanted the guilt to stop before it became too much. He wished his dads could just be happy, not having to deal with all the hurt that he had caused them. Peter wished his dads weren't so darn selfless. He wished they had just left him with Steve to rot while they lived out their lives. It would make things better, and although Peter didn't want to spend the rest of his life with that man, he would have if it meant his dads would be safe.

Little did Peter know that Tony himself felt guilty. Knowing he could've stopped Steve if he had taken the suit, or listened to his husband when he said they needed a strategy. When he asked him to stay for two seconds because they could find a better way. He wished that he had considered the fact that Steve was going to come after them again before he adopted Peter and brought him into this mess. He just wished he could have redone everything, sorted out the Steve issue and then adopted his son. Because he hated the sad look in Peter's eyes whenever he looked through a window, longing to be outside but knowing he couldn't go. He hated the way Peter tried so damn hard to help Bucky remember and also making sure Tony was eating enough, putting them at top priority before he looked after himself. It's not how a family should work. Tony wouldn't trade his son for the world, no, of course not. But he did wish he could make the world a safer place for him. He wished he was able to protect his family properly. He hated that he couldn't.

"Yeah? Well I did. And you're damn worth it, Peter. I'm not loosing my son to that maniac."
"I just want to go outside, dad! How am I supposed to get over it if I still feel like I'm being locked up?!"
"I..." Tony sighed, leaning back farther in his chair, "You'll think of something, you're a smart kid."
"Yeah, I have thought of something, but you won't let me do it!"
"You are NOT going outside, you hear me?!"
"You go out."
"I'm an adult!"
"Dad doesn't go out."
"Yeah, because he doesn't want to!"
"Do you know that, though? Just because he hasn't asked for something doesn't mean he doesn't want it."
"Well why don't you ask him then?!"
"Have you not realised he doesn't say what he really wants because he thinks we will hurt him?! He's not going to say what he wants, he's going to say what he thinks we want to hear!"
"Yeah? You think I haven't noticed?!"
"Dad please! Just for half an hour or something... I won't go far, I just need to get out..."
"No! No way!"
"10 minutes?"
Tony crossed his arms, "No."
"5?" Peter would settle for anything at this point. Five minutes wasn't much at all. He just needed to be outside, he needed to feel that freedom.
"No!"
"Why?!"
"Because STEVE is still OUT THERE and we are NOT taking RISKS!!"
"IS YOU GOING OUT NOT A RISK?! I DON'T KNOW IF YOU'VE NOTICED, BUT YOU MATTER TOO!"
"NOT AS MUCH AS YOU OR BUCKY!!"
"REALLY?! WHY IS THAT THEN??!!"

Peter crossed his arms, looking at Tony like an angry rabbit. Tony crossed his arms too, not answering the question, and he looked like an angry wolf who was about to explode.
"Well?"
"What matters to me is keeping you two safe, I'm not as important as you, and you know it."
"Whatever." Peter grabbed more books, and left the library looking more sad then angry because 'No dad, I don't know.'
Tony sighed heavily, going back to brooding in the shadows.

(A/N: I'm proud of this chapter. Are you guys enjoying this? Like, I know if you weren't you probably wouldn't have stuck around for 2 full books and like half of this one, but I've been feeling insecure about my writing lately ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Also, I still have a bunch of pre-written chapters. I'm just not sure how frequently you guys want me to update this? Like, once a day seemed too fast, but now I feel like I'm going too slowly? Once a week, maybe? I don't know. What do you guys want?)